Got well loads of homework tonight.
Got any merit marks today?
Er one yeah in maths ooh er
for the class work look at that homework I got two wrong and in science steady should be finish.
Try doing that.
I can't.
Are you coming to the fair tomorrow?
Yes
Ah?
Yeah.
Are you going?
Half past ten to half past twelve.
Is Dad?
Could do love cos I've got ta get er Karen's er card.
What from the fair?
Yes I might find something there.
There's some good things but th they don't do cards.
What sort of stalls are there?
No I got the cakes Does it look alright Paul?
Could of got the but they're there.
So will we got to that other place Dad?
Yeah hopefully ring up her ring up er ticket line see if it's er they might be
a day
about a day yeah.
day what is it O eight nine eight one
O eight nine eight four hundred three three three.
Alright.
In that one Paul and I are going into work, alright?
Is that alright?
Yeah he's going to do his homework there.
I have a
Yeah I know you out Who takes you tonight then?
Mark I can't remember got ta get
cleared up before Sunday I've got ta go at nine o'clock tomorrow morning to get the cake.
Yeah.
Twenty third.
Where's the calendar gone?
Have you got it?
By the phone oh no it's this round the erm on the table I might you change you can't go.
Make a other meeting.
Yeah I've done the booking.
Well that's alright we can go w whe y you if you're at Mencap oh you w
I only said we're getting a lift and Richard to write a letter to join the dance.
Why is tha why is David involved in that all of a sudden, it's not through us is it?
I du n no still right
Dad it's the tenth of
It's very odd isn't it!
December.
What?
Tenth of December.
Oh right.
Oh! er look I mean it at all unless David gives me a little
May other meeting.
That's a good reason for David to give me a lift isn't it?
He won't mind will he?
You 'll have all re you'd know where it is, won't you, by then?
Well I know where it is I just don't know how to get there.
Normal squad for tomorrow.
Do you hear Gary Lineker's got his son's got
Yeah.
but it it's not life
Only fourteen
life endangering though is it
only fourteen babies under twelve months old get that every year!
God you know you are lucky wouldn't you?
The irony of it is this is that he has done a lot, he gave ten thousand
Yeah.
pounds, is it, not to the leukaemia was it or w was it?
Think it was cancer childhood cancer or something.
Yeah it's almost though he knew, it weird!
I mean fourteen babies a year that can
Get Leukaemia?
And as well as his son?
No ah yeah under twelve months old only fourteen babies a year get it Oh that's dreadful!
How old's his baby then?
Well it just shows you how famous he now means you are.
mail and it says about what a lovely family they are and how it's got ta
Shame!
be good that a such a er erm show what a perfect family how they sort of go through it all.
It said a lot of people who're watching how they react?
Yeah by a family who knew them personally not off.
Will he still be playing for Tottenham, Mum?
Will he still be going to Japan.
Ask at your your Christian Union about Sunday and bring that up, Sunday lunch we had a right old ding dong at work today!
What about
Trev
it?
Trevor thinks it's not stopping you going to church he said.
True.
Dad can I have your quiz can I have the quiz.
No we're gon na do it tomorrow morning no I won't.
How many questions are you gon na have in it?
Dad?
What?
How many questions are you gon na have in your quiz?
Du n no I
Hello is that John?
I n I like the new quick ones
It's Ruth here.
than the ones in the
I don't know how to tell you this I can't I can't
lot's of
make the tenth!
Well I I I could but all
we 'll go through go through some papers and start cutting out things
and I a chair for the
only thing if I if you do it
even in the chair for a meeting
you won't enter the quiz so what do you wan na do?
about erm
Would you rather me do it on my own
I think
And then you can enter with cos I thought about sticking everybody into pairs
cos they've asked me.
Mean I won't be able to enter
the quiz?
Well you 'll know the answers won't you!
Oh I want that some if all the social services just put in with the thing having
Please can I a ask the questions?
a series of six meetings about this
Now let's have everything tha I want to aim a at doing any oral questions just
Ah?
like
a lot about it and shan't be, frankly I 'm relieved I don't actually know a lot but when the meeting to discuss what we're supposed to do is on December tenth yo so I 'm a bit torn cos I in a way that's what I ought to be doing even though the welfare business in a way that's wh that's what I ought to be doing cos it's entirely.
Would you like Paul to buy presents tomorrow?
For me at the fair?
Oh well he says he's got e he's got enough now hasn't he?
No you want one!
To give to me on Sunday.
Oh I see.
Still put that aside.
Oh Trevor was quite good he di he d he would've got his big pay rise today an didn't push it too much I don't think perhaps it's Nick though
Why's got a big one?
Well he got promoted didn't he he's stable now that child though hasn't he?
Until they start tre tra blurgh they start treatment straight away don't they, these days.
Oh he's only twelve and ended up as one of the smallest birds
But it said I heard that it said chemotherapy well what's that's erm drugs is it, no that's radiation isn't it?
Makes your
Oh y
hair fall out
well you wouldn't give that to a little baby would they?
Well you'd have to.
I thought they washed the blood out changed all the blood.
Blood type and that's what that other woman died girl died of didn't she they
I was saying to Trevor it's it's not very nice but it's rather so much better than than than having a cot death isn't it?
If you see what I mean.
Mm.
I can actually imagine the feeling of going to a cot and then finding no no the child was dead, that's awful.
Done there was a our school dinners today I went into this give you four pounds back I get twenty two pounds sixty Have you got two tens in change of a twenty?
I haven't got five pounds
Have you got two tens you want to change for a twenty Paul?
No sorry.
That's been quite good that cos you know I had a hundred and ten pounds left
Mm.
I only took out the palace because I knew I'd given I'd written a cheque for forty
You'd written out a cheque
and I've only just started, still got two people outstanding so I've got that forty pound and I put that into the building society and use that forty pounds for months see so it kind of like saved it for me, I've managed, had to do without it
Yeah.
and er
When have you got to pay all that.
What mu a a th agent says I only have to pay it off a day
How much is it?
What just write a cheque?
Yeah and that way.
Well you won't be there on the day.
Well Dave 'll be down there today.
Well not you can't pay on the night, can you?
Well I suppose I 'm sure Adrian won't mind if I paid him the day after or a week after or something.
You're unemployed I wouldn't have thought you could've stood a hundred and fifty, two hundred pounds withdrawal.
No I don't mind saying it I I 'm not gon na ask any more.
What?
Well so that yo about Adrian after a few weeks it's you know
Remind me to wash in these cupboards before Sunday.
Yeah.
Have you seen Jan and Joan dress up to their their Victorian day Jan came like a an upright stripped erm working, not working class a sort of governess right she had
Yeah.
frumpy shoes and a.
Where'd she get the clothes from?
Oh she borrowed it, and a bonnet and a white flowers an all and Joan turned up like a a twenty five year old Victorian fashion model you should have seen her!
Black silk skirt maroon blouse her hair done up in a bun draped with gold jewellery oh talk about looking the part!
What's wrong with that?
And John hired this thing like a cape
Who's idea is it?
Was it?
Oh it's it's quite common, everybody does it if you have a vic if you study Victorians anyone who a Victorian and they all they did all done out, chairs er table space at the front, they did drill in the playground they played with tops and hoops in the playground, all the children the m parents hired costumes from Fairy Godmothers Fairy Godmother's done a roaring trade especially
Ah I should think Fairy Godmothers put the ideas into somebody's head, I would have thought.
That's not
We might
It's just a very good way of er teaching chi I mean children will I mean that's the kind of experience
Yeah.
you never forget, do you?
Some of but you can't do it for something like a Medieval's day or Roman
No.
day it'd be grim, but Victorian
Victorian
people have got a, yeah
just close enough to sti still remember a lot of the cloths and stuff.
and they had to they had to sit in rows and they had to do as they were told and they weren't allowed
Ha!
to speak.
Yes.
Apparently some of the children got quite scared of Jan cos Jan played the part so well ah Joan for life.
Frightened the life out of them.
Yeah.
Ah back ah back ah back and bill.
So what did John look like perhaps like a little Billy Bunter didn't he?
Ah no he looked very good he had a gown and a mortar board and cane and bow tie and pin striped socks, quite good, yep.
And they wore that all day all of them all day?
All day and then he got all to do at lunch time yeah they kept it up all the day, they had separate play time, they had had to eat their lunch in the class room all they were allowed was a piece of fruit, a bread and water and they all had to have, you know, they had a bread roll supplied by the school an a an apple I think And Jan made them write out their names and some of them couldn't write their name!
Boy called Daniel couldn't write Daniel cos all last year he'd been allowed to put Danny an he'd forgotten how to write Daniel!
Search me!
How old's that child?
Ten and John
And he can't
that's what's so dreadful, Joe was language coordinator and they came from her!
Can't write names.
And another boys name was Thomas and he couldn't write that cos all last year he'd been Tom an he'd forgotten how to write his surname they're not dim children both of them
Frightening isn't it?
family she says quite an eye opener an they had write lines if they did anything wrong one boy just I reckon she could carried him but
No.
You can't be three times Where's tonight gone?
All this stuff in out here shall I?
You think you're exhausted after a days work imagine if you've been doing that all day long, shouting
Look!
and shrieking, no I mean that
I shout and shriek all day long!
Ooh I 'll lose my voice up there today we've done some really good things though try and do see more my hall is very full if he bothered to come to school he'd have seen them!
Still find those what's this that's broken from?
But Mummy you could
Paul spikes.
Excuse me!
You took them and I want the batteries for them.
Some people go round
You asked me for them.
in science books
Excuse me!
What does it say?
Fourteen and a half.
Were they marked?
No look at this here.
Don't like the smell of your Narcissus.
Well go and won't they.
Don't like the smell.
Somebody look!
Can you see it?
Let's go.
Oh well neat!
You know I can't see from that distance I thought John had a snowman badge on today, when I got close it's an owl and it said I am the vet.
He enters into th the to the fray doesn't he with it er
No he's got a grey jumper with an owl Beaky on it all over the front and a mortar board on the owl.
Did they have to ask him to do that or did he just volunteer.
Oh probably just did it Do you know what Terry's do you know what one of my children did today? do you know what did apart from the fact he spent all day crying then he had to do the corrections, I said go back and do your corrections, said right on your own I wrote something that went no homework done, so he wrote no homework done, no homework done, no homework done!
Oh no! er!
I can just scream!
Ah spent all day weeping today with one thing and another when he weeps
Why cos you keep telling him off?
he oh!
They'd write a poem for her about my greatest fear, I said I remember last year there was a boy called Ali and he wrote a story about a poem about this bird and cos he was really scared of that and so I said I don't suppose any of you will write about being scared of me except perhaps Adine!
Eh.
All Americans go Eh Nine o'clock tomorrow I 'm going over to Kate ten thirty that gives me a bit of lee-way I've got a at ten I thought it was ten thirty I ought to get some money out really You're not going into Woking tomorrow morning are you doing your quiz?
Do you want some help with it, not really.
Well I was gon na paper out and start cutting out some faces I think cos I mean a I may just as well I mean I was quite happy to let Paul help me out but then
He can't take part.
he can't enter the quiz then
No you should do it
but he shan't
all yourself and then
I don't think I 'm gon na do as much as I 'm just gon na do
No cos you won't
a big stream of pictures right
Yeah.
and them I 'm gon na think I 'm gon na do the same South America
Yeah.
but do South American you know get some big ones
Yes.
in that might be fun mighten't it?
Yeah I can't do it with you.
And you could already write up in red pen you sort it out instead of arguing about trying to do it.
Yeah you could u u or split up the to start.
some proverbs, I can't think can you complete these proverbs good book up there for that I don't know at all, there's something wrong Ooh this looks really good got look at this book, all the streets it's got like The House of Commons and The House of Lords
Oh yeah!
Take you brilliant book that
Alright.
I 'm at school
you can smell it in the book
it's got all proverbs and what things mean.
What's all this then.
Well they're proverbs aren't they.
All of them or
Yeah.
single ones?
Well all sorts, let sleeping dogs lie, the ones that underline them as I've underlined in biro.
Where did you get that
Sort of big words for little words that's a big word, you have to think of an addition, I've had it in nineteen
fifty eight it is or nineteen sixty three geographical facts
Oh yeah.
peoples of other land, look all the people that come from
Mum, how do I get
Are you sure it's up-to-date though?
Well you bu you 'll know if it isn't.
Dad?
Sorry.
Spell deceased.
Deceased, D E C E A S E D.
Look, masculine, feminine Kevin masculine, feminine some of them are really hard Zar, Marino distinctive name given to some countries, look the dairy of Northern Europe, Debonair cut your nails down!
Urgh!
Look famous famous founders, pioneers Africa for east or west I think it'd be there today the muses do you know what that says?
Yes.
Any more famous faces oh you're gon na do up?
No I was wa er what what the other guys did he's gone through a whole load of newspapers cutting peoples faces out
Yeah.
some a little quite obscure
Yes.
and just stuck it in little boxes, like little boxes and
Yeah.
that put it underneath that's all I 'm gon na do is, do I I 'll measure the framework
Yeah.
and stick them on photographs an filling in a the names underneath.
Of who you think it is.
Yes.
seen them really.
Ish so that it
score
The la funny enough they had Gasgcoigne and the picture was so poor it looked people put things like oh you know er Edna Everage things like that and he ju, he looked like
a woman and he the really
You know you're of pictures now then.
Yeah.
So you're gon na photocopy this or are you just doing one original one?
No I 'm gon na photocopy it.
Are they free?
Yeah.
about going
cos I've got tomorrow as well.
Well you're at football tomorrow.
Yeah not all day.
Virtually watching Boon I've got some A two paper I think.
Ah don't look!
Even if I looked I wouldn't know got ta be fairly small pictures haven't they?
How do you spell disappearance?
Yeah aha go over there
D I S A double P E A R A N C E
cos you're far too near whe wha I 'm what I 'm doing.
And again.
D I S A double P E A R A N C E.
Do you want a coffee Ruthy?
Yes please I 'll have a Maxwell House cappuccino.
have some women in it.
Ooh it's a good one, there's some really obscure ones!
Do some of the things you'd know!
Just because you've got some imbeciles coming!
Who are they?
Well mainly the children.
Du n no them.
Your
Your cousins.
I 'll do a full face on that one cos that's hard.
What is it?
Knowing Yvonne she 'll hee hee!
Actually it's surprising how many faces you can get just looking at cheap newspapers you see, incredible!
You think ooh that's well done quite easy.
Oh did you do Kettle's boiled Kettle's boiled It's only three weeks since the last party this is all for Jim's benefit isn't it.
I thought this has co ro come round quite soon.
Well she goes June come on, could have had it next Friday I think something must be happening next Friday, she goes to Australia on the seventh well maybe that is next Friday Oh no it's the isn't it?
So she can't come to the?
Cos the sixth is next Friday no.
It's just as well cos she's bound to say something about my quiches!
Ha ha ha!.
.
Gosh how much have you got Paul?
Lots.
You do it all tonight?
No.
Why?
Erm I can't.
You can't do any tomorrow can't do any on Sunday I suggest you do it all tonight.
Can't.
You don't about this cappuccino is I don't understand is that here Maxwell cappuccino is
You can't open the packet.
twice the volume
Yeah, but twice
that's right much more powder than you use
We I know you can't open the packets, it's stupid!
Honestly Paul you won't have time to do it tomorrow and Sunday well you can work 'till nine o'clock tonight.
How much, can I?
You can work 'till nine o'clock tonight.
These Narcissi are really strong.
Sorry?
Cor they're really strong.
Ooh yeah aren't they.
Mm.
I don't they're going to grow that tall, somehow but gone up straight as a dye haven't they?
I can't put them down there to begin with, I think they all draw up
Hey
than lower down.
My hic hyacinths have all come out except no, they've all come out, one goron l looks like it's gone and lot congealed little bad and another hyacinth has two have come up and other ones not come up at all.
You haven't had as many as usual have you?
Well no not perhaps as many as last year.
I 'm gon na have to go in this afternoon again.
What did I do with the scissors?
Took them out to make the tea did you get any biscuits?
No except for some.
There's some Kit-Kats up there.
Well you're not having any.
I wouldn't mind one.
No Pauline
Just one.
would agree.
I 'm nine two this morning on the scales, I 'll have you know.
Wan na a Kit-Kat Pauly?
Yes please How do you spell whereabouts?
W H E R E A B O U T S seems to be a lack of spelling at your, this place Ah!
Urgh!
Put plenty of royalty in.
Are you looking?
Oh no, why should I!
Trouble is Paul
I wouldn't cheat.
She's you Pauly.
I won't cheat!
You'd love to though.
Why?
I gave my top group your algebra homework today they said Pau is this Paul's homework, I said yes that's not fair I said why isn't it fair?
Well it's too hard, I said how do you know it's too hard?
And they all did it apart from Chris who said urgh she always works us too hard!
Apart from Christopher most of them managed it Paul especially Richard he's really clever I know who that is, Lady Di.
Shut up Ruthy!
Is this one Lady Di?
Is Mum not entering it then?
Yeah.
Course I am.
Then why are you looking?
I 'm not looking Paul don't tar everybody with the same brush.
What?
Pardon, don't tar everybody with the same brush.
Ooh pardon me!
What's that mean?
That means just cos you're likely to cheat don't assume that everyone else does.
Then why did you say Princess Diana?
I know that's Princess Diana.
Cos I see him cut it out.
So you were looking in the first place!
No you were looking at the Mal Vicinty
Vicinty
Spell Vicinty
I don't know, about it.
Will I have to pull up any of those caps heads before your Mum comes round?
No.
We were just hanging around talking today and the children done Christmas card competition an wi some really and me and
Ah!
Moira
!
and and Joanne Joe, say who could judge this, this is for our competition we 'll say Heidi coming, no, is anybody else in it, no er Sarah 'll come in cos she doesn't know, right?
So John came up and we said er we were wondering who could judge th Christmas card competition and he was saying oh I don't know, and then th the P T A chairman came up erm we said oh perhaps you should judge the Christmas card competition erm and she said well Melissa is judging it and we said Pardon!
Then John,, said well didn't you ask her this morning then!
And Joan says oh no I forgot!
Well and even that didn't jog his memory, that he should have asked her to judge it!
What a dozy!
You know
Who's judging it then?
Well Mary going to judge it and, would he let her do it on her own, no he followed her round, making comments here, making comments there, trying to influence her fact is, this'll make you laugh, you know the wall displays you know th erm the books, Where's Wally Where's Wally you have this page, of really tiny little things and you have to find Wally, who's a person, right?
Yeah.
In minute detail, hidden on the page is something, you remember how Simon had books like that
Yeah.
In where's Lisa, Where's Freddie, anyway it's Where's Wally, for that he said er I think I 'll get a picture of somebody and er course he I said you gon na call it Where's Wally?
He said no I 'm wan na call it Where's the Wally!
Milly said cos we'd been talking about this all day and they, the children had been saying to John you gon na have a picture of yourself in Where's the Wally thing?
And erm Milly said ha can't think of a more suitable candidate and swept off!
If you don't want the car I 'll drive to school tomorrow.
What?
I said if you don't want the car I 'll drive Paul and myself to school tomorrow.
Just thought Mu Mum's got this newspaper so she might, s know some of them photographs.
Well then it's not fair, use a different newspaper.
Well I haven't got them.
We got our local papers, aren't there any in there?
Doesn't matter.
You get yes you do you get pictures of pop stars and that in The
Yeah?
Mail.
Right.
And you can have my magazines
That's a hard one.
as well if you want The Express and The Mail have much the same pictures Got a football magazine and a Woman you can have a football, I can't u look
Still get some wrong it don't matter anyway does it.
Football will be there for children won't it?
Yes that's what I mean, I noticed that the man who did it balanced it rather nicely, he had some actors some politicians, that everyone can contribute especially in a.
except for me If you think my general knowledge is abysmal!
Abysmal!
Erm after football's done, then it must be us.
.
Will you tell Paul he's got ta finish his homework tonight, if he can't do any tomorrow he can't do any on Sunday Not cutting off their hair?
Yes.
Let's see.
Not allowed to look Can I read that?
No.
Please?
No.
Why is it illiterate?
Yeah.
Hurry up with the scissors Pauly.
Why the rush?
Got a pen?
Cutting out like mad here.
Have you got a pen? anything that writes Paul?
No, anyway you didn't ask me!
I have.
Then in there and get it!
How much did you pay for this pen in the market?
It's got a loose nib!
What?
This pen you bought in the market has got a loose nib.
How many you got?
Oh, still waiting for the scissors.
Oh Paul!
What?
What is the matter?
Daddy wants the scissors.
Well I 'm sorry!
Not very.
Ha.
Don't throw scissors, ooh it's very dangerous.
Paul!
Well you shouldn't keep taking them!
Tell you what you can have a pair for Christmas instead of a computer.
Oh yes please!
There's a pair there look paper's there.
You saw then you were looking!
I 'm not.
You were!
See you can't be trusted.
Ray Wilkins Is it?
Oh that is ridiculous!
Sorry I just.
That's it!
See you can't be trusted, you're a you get quite upset when you get accused and Pauly quite rightly accuses you.
I caught her looking Paul.
She's always looking!
She 'll always look up Got a Pritt stick?
Yeah.
Where is it.
Usual place.
Where's the usual place?
Where's the usual place?
Can't it isn't pardon?
Where in there
Is it in there?
It is.
Was she looking?
She was looking at what, Ray Wilkins.
Well how do you know of Ray Wilkins?
Well cos she called it out.
pay my attention to it, I look harder.
She.
Stop making silly noises then!
She 'll be Ferrero Roche.
I 'm really not Hey how about getting erm if I can get there early enough individual Christmas cakes they were gon na sell them for
Oh yeah.
two pounds each individual iced Christmas cakes like this.
Cheap.
Yeah.
I want one of them might be nice for Natty.
Keep it in the box.
boing!
De er der der der der.
You're on still, look!
Yes you're on, no you're off.
Dad?
Eh?
I today did you do one bulls eye no not cut up the thing and say which sport does this person belong to might get a picture of Rob Andrews see if they stick rugby or tennis on.
Yes Paul that 'll be a bit unfair for the other twenty nine people around wouldn't it?
What other twenty nine people round?
Ah!
Then you'd know all the answers.
Can't do one for everything!
I think you should have a music one.
One or two I I know now I 'm writing them down and.
Ha ha I 'm in at tomorrow morning I 'm hoping when I wake up I wan na nice and
So what time do I need to wake up?
From the fair?
Not very early, you can sleep in I've got ta go to Waitrose to pick up the stuff.
Sleep into when?
Well ten o'clock.
Ten o'clock!
Oh hang on I 'm leaving at ten cos I want to be there a little early and start them but I hope to get some perks.
Nine okay?
Wake up at nine?
Yeah I 'm going to Waitrose at nine.
So which fair is this at school is it?
Yeah, what do you think I 'm talking about!
Oh I don't know I heard it's a craft fair, that's all I heard.
All this time Daddy thinks it's a like
No I said it's a lovely craft fair.
It's called Christmas fair but you and Darren have got a stall so ah
Why did you know what to do there then?
I already bought a children's thirty five pee each.
Yeah.
Zoe said are they for your little said which little fun are you talking about Zoe?
Said yes they're both for Paul ha ha!
Little Look at those brilliant grafts Mum double grafts they're called Hobart and Darwin.
Why are they called double grafts?
They're not called double they've sort of got a about rainfall and temperature.
Oh and they show two things so y you 'll have to see if there's any correlation between the two is there any correlation between rainfall and temperature, and is there?
When rainfall goes up does temperature up and vice versa?
Du n no just got ta describe them.
Well that's what you have to say, is there any correlation between
What does correlation mean?
They all correlate.
Yeah.
It's connection isn't it Kev?
Mm.
Yeah and you've got ta see
That's level six, you should be doing that.
What's level six?
Well correlation I've just done that with all my children, you should be level six, no good doing it, you should be it Want you to do two pieces of work for Monday and all the same level, so there's an extra two you've got to do.
And what homework do you, what do they get what homework do they get over Christmas?
They get poem, my greatest fear and they get a project homework from Lynn.
So how many homeworks do they get, two?
Yeah how many have you got?
Five.
Rubbish!
Clap trap!
That word would go down well.
You know that lady that did the thing so Lary what did you w and you say the children w meant knew what it meant, what did they say it meant?
Well sort of meant all knowing.
No Lary means something like it's sort of like someone mm
Ah you know that word as well.
Yeah
Well how do you spell it?
L a r y.
L a r y?
Yes it it's Lary, it's sort of like someone insults you like they er you've only got four toes and so I 'll say that's well Lary!
And then y but I take that then
What like an insult?
Lary, yeah like hey you when and got too Lary!
Sounds like Aunty Sheila's mardy
Got it?
she says mardy don't she?
Lary everyone's going oh that's Lary but
Well I've never heard of it and they I said
But and you called James a moron or something like that
Yeah but
he goes
moron
but he goes
we know what moron means.
but he goes oh that's Lary!
You shouldn't take that word, well
What you unkind?
No
I do
No Lary.
Rude?
Yeah.
No I 'm sure he didn't mean rude.
Not unkind, it's like you shouldn't take that from him that's bad get him out ding da ding ding ding ding ding boo boo diddle erm, doo doo doo doo diddle erm dum dum dum diddle erm ding ding diddle er er diddle er yeah yeah doo diddle erm doo doo dee dee dee boom boom diddle erm boom.
Hurry up!
I 'm moving, I 'm scrooving, I 'm dooving this is hard, got to take all these notes and just put them into all sort of a summary.
Spell summary.
S u m m a r y today is Saturday.
Is there any connection why have you coloured it in red biro!
And oh I don't really know.
That doesn't show anything!
Yet the January, February, March the temperature is high which is temperature I can't tell by looking at that, which one's temperature and which one's rainfall.
That's temperature and that's rainfall.
Yeah but which line refers to which, how can I tell?
You need to put the dotted line there and square there
No you can look like that.
How?
Rain, ten millimetres of rain equals one millimetre ten of rain equals one millimetre and this one one degrees celsius equals
Well I 'm sorry I don't think that is very clever for you!
there and
one degrees, how can temperature
What?
one degree celsius equals one millimetre
Yes.
So it's twenty five degrees celsius in January?
No.
Well I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to put some sort of clue on it.
We've got twelve people coming, right?
Er yep what's that got ta do with anything?
Well cos I 'm gon na have pairs I think here
And one you!
Oh singles then?
It's more
No
fun in pairs isn't it cos the people can have the scraggle and talk to each other.
You 'll have to have pairs and put one three.
Chips.
Well that's not fair then.
Put Michael with
Oh yeah
if you put Michael with two other people, it's completely fair.
But then your implying something aren't you.
Why don't you say if you're a child you can go in a group of three, if your adults you 'll have to be in a group of two, so the children can attach themselves to any group.
Right.
Right.
You've got eleven people you need four groups you don't have four groups it's not worth doing is it?
Got ta share it all out perfect even why don't you say, stick it on the wall, give them each a piece of paper and they've got ta do it I've got an idea, you can compile a quiz
Fine I 'm
and then you could have a treasure hunt for the children
you know
Couldn't I.
Most amusing
Are you gon na sort of read out the question and they each gon na scribble down their answer.
Nope.
What you gon na do?
No, just leave
Have a chart.
your father!
What?
Have a chart.
Heart.
You 'll let people overlook each other then sort of overlooking
Cheating you mean!
Yes I mean that's the first thing you have to say, you have to think when you look at you keep, anybody who does the whispering
Is Mum.
is giving their answers away in fact, what we did, the team of four, is they all had a little pad of paper, if you spotted something you knew, you went and you wrote it down because people we there.
You did it in silence.
Yeah tried to do and they obviously can't.
Why aren't you gon na for faces.
Well this th this is the the faces and I thought I'd do the maps and the rest were questions I don't know whether y should do some questions.
Well you 'll have to think of some.
Yeah I 'll see how I go any
You got the maps of South America?
Yeah.
I've got one at work a blank, you should of asked me for it.
What all split up, yeah?
Yeah.
Oh.
I could get it tomorrow morning in my
Yeah could you?
Blanked out without the er the countries names
Yes
in it?
Oh yeah.
I've got all the countries blanks might not oh I might not even have the countries on but if you had blanks you could put countries in, that 'll be easier than
No that 'll be harder.
No what the boundaries?
Yes because if you've got the scale you just drop, trace it all off where as you got the you've the you got ta sort out work out i th the scale of everything, haven't you?
No you just draw the lines.
Yeah but how do you ge
What scale?
How you going to know exactly where the boundaries go or i in between some land-lock countries that you got it in the right position
How many land-lock countries are there in South America?
Well enough anyway, I mean I thought you were giving me something easier to do not
Well I think why would you do it tonight if I didn't have it?
Yes
Say I didn't have it tomorrow you'd
well
do it tonight?
probably ni or tomorrow I was gon na do that.
I seem to think you should take the easy bit, cos that's gon na be miles too hard!
No I like to balance it, I ju there's some balance there, there's some easy ones and some hard ones.
I 'll tell you what's best for Michael.
I don't feel that's very good because you're just gon na get children totally pull out of it unless they're
No.
really really good.
Children are allowed to go
You find that if if if i in a team, if there's teams i you find that in a singles, but if there's a team e if everybody feels the everybody feels they can contribute something to it when you've got
You can have those
allowed to be the idea of that, you don't wan na make it
Yeah I know
too easy
No there are no husbands allowed to be with any wife and children can attach themselves to which group they want.
So work out the groups, you work out the groups.
Well there's going to be apart from your father there's going to be seven adults.
Listen, a man with a woman but not wi not by marriage cos say like Andy with Nanna
Well I could go with two children, I expect.
Well write down the names let's have a go at, let's work out, let's work out the teams
Cos I 'm the cleverest person, I can go with two teenies!
lo, write down the names.
Modest!
No and I could be the only adult with two children cos I 'm so clever.
Write down the names and th work out some balanced teams then for me please.
Ah, give me a pen!
I 'll write it out with her.
Can I, thank you.
Then people don't argue then
do they, if they say look that's the team then th people are h happy.
There's Nanna and Margarite, if I find him another
Yes, they don't know cos they're both Daily Mail readers and I 'm cutting the majority of these out.
And and maybe an adult
Don't put
No four groups, is all you 'll get out of twelve people.
don't put Michelle and Andy together.
I 'm not?
Don't put
Papa a Nanna and
er Adrian
And Kevin with Andrew yeah no not Kev and Andrew because
erm Mooty
Yeah.
Mooty and Michelle
Hang on i
What other adult is there?
There's only me
Is Karen quite good?
One, two
Yes Karen is
three, four
will be as sharp as iron
Can I be with Papa then?
It 'll have to be me with Papa.
Okay.
That's the eight adults.
Who're you putting Karen with?
Be careful cos Karen is the
Andy.
Andy.
No that's far tha well
think again isn't that
Nanna and
Michelle and Mooty, why you think that's too clever?
Andy an Andy and Karen will streak through.
What better than Michelle and Mooty?
I bet you.
She generations though.
I bet I 'll give you a bet Karen will win it.
What about Papa?
Who you gon na put Karen
Because
with?
she thinks, she reads papers.
Well I put Karen with Papa and me with Andy then.
It's just her her what?
Put me with Andy then, and Karen with Papa.
No that 'll be too easy cos you and Andy 'll streak through that.
Mm.
It should be
No it 'll have to be Karen and Andy cos
Mooty and Andy!
Yeah?
Cos the others are different generations, they're at a disadvantage cos they're the same generation Andy
Yeah.
and Karen.
Yeah so
Karen doesn't read The Mail and nor does Andrew.
You'd be surprised, Karen's well read, newspaper wise she's not
Oh of course
or something.
Right you got that 'll do, I think unless your father wants to
No.
Now three of those groups can have a child
should be with Nanna and Adrian.
No.
Why not?
You mean you with Nanna and Adrian yeah I think you should
Okay.
be with them put Michael with Andrew and Karen tha
Which one are you gon na have?
Who can have Lisa, me and Papa or Michael an Mi Michelle and Mooty?
See I 'm in so me th th they 'll all be able to contribute.
Michelle and Mooty.
That's right
Cross Michael out then?
Where's does Lisa go?
Cross Michael out.
Why?
Just cross him out.
Why?
You've got ta think of the generations they would be more likely to lead a pop star or sort of person that would know all those those sort of things, put Michael with Michelle and Mooty and Lisa with Papa and Mum
Be careful who you put Mooty with cos Mooty
I've put her with Michelle!
Oh that's alright, that's fine, yes.
and Lisa with Papa and you.
So that left Andrew and Karen on their own?
Yes that's fair
Do you think that's fair?
Sorry?
Andrew and Karen, you think
Yeah.
they're so clever that they're
Yeah.
going to beat anybody else?
They will win.
Yeah, so listen to this Nanna, Adrian and me
Go to Dad.
okay I 'll read it out, Nanna, Adrian and me, Dad?
make up on.
Okay?
Sorry?
Nanna, Adrian and me Papa, Mum and Lisa Andrew and Karen
He's not listening he's not listening
I am yes
Michelle, Mooty and Michael.
That's alright.
Is it after lunch, I presume?
Yes.
I knew Michelle and Mooty would need somebody else cos you know Michelle Mooty would have a.
Paul you gon na throw me another pencil I seem to have lost
Paul don't belittle the
lost one.
older generation.
No but s
Throw me a pencil please?
I 'm just saying would she know about Michael Jackson and all that sort of stuff.
Is Daddy putting Michael Jackson in?
I don't know, he's bound to put in, I hope.
I 'm not giving any clues away I 'm balancing as best I can.
What do you want?
Pencil, I know you couldn't concentrate on three things!
comet have you used the match box?
Yes that brown crayon you've got in your hand 'll do.
Why, why will it do?
Well you seem a bit desperate.
What you gon na do with it?
Right so you're going to go work
Well
after I've gone to have you?
Yeah.
You can go to work when the tape stops Well he's not going to watch you sticking all those on at work what's he gon na be doing.
He's doing his homework.
I can draw some sides just like I can put I could make a just draw neatly in the teams bi on a big piece of paper that 'll make it look really good,.
And when were you going to do the map of you can't do that map tomorrow can you?
Yeah.
Well when will you do that at work then?
Before or after football?
I 'll slot it in sometime tomorrow.
Right, fine wish you could slot into washing up mood.
Ooh there's a hard one.
There.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh that 'll sort out the I'd like someone to say, I'd like to have one or two that nobody gets.
Is there a prize?
What do you mean?
Sorry?
Is there a prize?
I suppose there should be.
Suppose there should be yeah.
What an overall prize or individual prizes?
Er
Little individuals is it?
Well they 'll have to be equal prizes wouldn't they?
I've got it!
Whichever team wins th the cha children can give out the Christmas presents.
What Christmas presents?
Those presents up there.
Big deal!
Can't fool you.
Well I've never prize
It's only it's only fun, I mean what are you gon na give them?
The team that wins gets their presents.
He said I used to laugh at my Dad when he used to do these quizzes but when
That's why you 'll start getting more and more like your Dad.
Yep.
Wouldn't argue with that one iota.
What does iota mean?
Scrap.
One what?
Scrap.
Scrap?
Scer er ap.
Why?
One little bit, I wouldn't argue with her.
You could do a treasure hunt, Dad Dad
Mm?
you could do a treasure hunt.
No it's too hard.
It's not.
No this is do this is just a gentle little thing it 'll just get people laughing and things cos
You've got ta sort out how you got organised?
Who?
?
No he no go upstairs th in pairs if they wan na do it, quietly.
upstairs and find.
Getting silly!
You should have answers up there and each person has their gro group reading one in the breakfast room
But we got go grammatical each person has to speak.
Why don't they go out Well I can have somewhere else but they can all have their quiet place to talk.
Is it tonight Casualty on?
Eh?
Fridays?
Done today's paper?
Don't know.
Can I have it then.
Then cut it up, I don't know you can not loo go through you can not go through those!
I only want the television page
I don't care
for Friday Kevin
No don't Mum
Sorry.
Oh for goodness sake how can I possibly see anything aye aye!
Why don't you look
Find it over there what about over look!
Look I've found it.
Oh give it!
I thought you wanted a pop star?
Will you do any mathematical sums?
No
Mum can do them.
I might win.
Mum can do mathematical sums.
I've got a lovely mental test for the children it's a bit hard.
Is it?
Better than
Two one one I am so tired, I've got to get up early tomorrow, right I want that recorded twenty one thirty, shall I her out?
Yes you better had
as well.
Oh where are your keys?
Paul can you turn this thing to nought.
Yes.
Or on this one or you have to have the other one?
The other one should be a button I've pressed the button just lift this up button she set, there you go.
Thank you so if I press play and record now twenty one thirty, twenty two thirty it's half past ten thirty five to half past ten that's alright so if I press play and record now it should come on at wha one and a half and ten one forty so it should come on when it says one forty.
Shoe shoes shoe
I took them upstairs.
Where are you going?
To see Mrs.
I didn't want that lady thinking you were untidy.
That what lady?
When are we leaving?
Dad?
Mm?
When we leaving?
In a minute oh this is it oh no they're not re- releasing in that Cor look at this he's not doing the one, he's doing all his Christmas ones together.
Who?
Cliff that's why they did it, cos they put them all together.
Mm?
Clever I think.
Right I got my key then.
Alright, I think I got enough here.
Alright?
Right, yeah.
Well will you be very late?
No.
See you then.
Hello my name's Geoffrey Chaucer and I 'm going now, bye.
Are Paul are erm Manchester United playing in their blue strip today, will they do you think?
Yeah.
That's their unlucky strip.
Let's hope
It's a disgusting strip.
That awful white and blue
Yeah.
strip.
Red as well.
Yeah I suppose they can't have red can they?
Not with a red
No.
So, we're so much like red aren't we?
Red and blue.
team's us they can't have red or blue either.
What did they have, what colour did they have before the blue?
Oh it was blue last year wasn't it?
It was a bluey weirdy one before
Oh yeah.
last year.
Yeah.
Before that they have white don't they?
All white.
Oh yeah.
They played the cup final in white didn't they?
Yeah.
Right.
I looked up the teletext and it said full squad for Manchester United.
Even Paul Parker's fit.
So they've got the full
Not the palace full squad?
Man United?
No Man United, yes.
So they can't have any, if we beat them they can't have any excuses.
Yeah.
Have they got Lee Sharp?
Well I don't know.
I don't think
don't think that 's, that means that I don't think.
I hope not.
That's all we need.
I've got to try and make sure the petrol lasts till the Texaco garage
When's that?
Where is the Texaco garage?
That one by Carshalton ponds I don't think there's any one nearer is there?
No.
Oh yeah that one.
We don't usually go to that one do we?
Been to it before but not for a long time.
Is this the A three or the M twenty five?
A three.
Lovely new road.
Be kind of funny to see the mascots going on knowing what they've done.
Oh yeah.
Except they 'll have had a four course meal to eat.
Will they?
Well maybe.
Does that mean they would have if they have it at the?
On Saturday well I mean it's the option to have it Saturday.
I don't know, at at that price I don't know.
I don't think very many do.
Really don't.
Fast.
Did you see that erm did you hear that in the Zenith Data
Yes.
er game?
When the Q P R man interviewed the ref.
The the Sky television man interviewed the,
Oh yeah.
he said what's the coin?
And he says nineteen sixty two when I started reffing and he said the oth they're not I 'm not giving them this one but these two are for the other mascot scene.
You lost out there didn't you really?
They were badges.
They gave themselves badges.
Oh badges.
Oh.
What did you ref say?
No chance sorry you can't have it?
Du n no.
Geoff Thomas sent for
He asked on your behalf didn't he?
Yeah.
Well you can't ask any more of Geoff Thomas than that I suppose.
I wonder why that little bit was in the paper about Geoff Thomas being absolutely priceless?
Was it cos someone's
What bit?
someone's after him again?
What bit?
There was a little article in the Sun I told you about.
Alan Smith saying Geoff Thomas is absolutely priceless.
Er all he's got to do is score more goals.
That's what I couldn't understand.
What a nerve!
. I think he meant for England.
All he had to do to seal his England career was pop in a two, a few goals like he does at Palace
Yeah.
and er could be on the way to a regular spot.
He is in a regular spot at the moment.
Well I don't know.
Hope, hope that's true.
Yeah but well you look that that jaguar four litres!
. Four litre car!
Yeah but what are you gon na do with four litres?
I du n no.
Well quite.
It does about eighteen miles to the gallon.
How many miles do we do to the gallon?
I hope we do something like thirty six.
Thirty six!
Don't think it's much more than that.
How can his, well if ours is one point six there's three times
No it doesn't work that way.
It doesn't work like that?
No.
So what how long will it take him to get eighty miles filling up every?
Well I mean do they have huge tanks?
I mean they take if you, if you filled up you could put I think it's about twenty six gallons in that car.
And how many can we put in?
Nine?
Eleven?
Cor.
Eleven.
It was eight, nine.
I think this might take eleven.
So how much do they spend if they filled it?
Don't forget if you've got all that weight, you've got that you're gon na lose even more petrol.
So if you filled that up, how much would that cost them?
Well, twenty six I think it's something like isn't it something like two pounds a gallon now?
You don't, they do it all by litres now so it's really hard
About fifty P?
About fifty, fifty pounds?
Fifty pounds to fill up!
Yeah.
Oh yeah fifty, sixty pounds.
And how long would it last them?
About the same time as us?
Yeah.
I suppose you have to be able to afford all that if you can afford the car in the first place.
Right.
Yeah if you have to moan about that you shouldn't be driving it in the first place.
Motto, what?
Motto of the story is er er don't, don't buy expensive cars if you're gon na want to run the thing though.
You've spent all your money on this car.
All of a sudden you realize
Well like that new advert for the Rover he says don't, I keep thinking my back my back tailgate's flapping or I keep hearing, you keep hearing creaking don't you?
A creak here and you think what's that, what's this, what's that?
So that new Rover has been built so everything fits perfectly, right?
So nothing rattles.
What do you mean nothing?
No toleran er the tolerance is you know minimal.
Whereas the tolerance here'd be I du n no eighth of an inch here eighth of an inch there he says the advert says as soon as you have tolerances like that then thing work loose and start rattling and creaking and
E E.
you can hear it go E E er E.
Yeah.
you imagine cruising in a car, lovely car like that and it makes no noise.
Just cruising away and it just like glides, and you glide you know like, like Papa's Citroen type that kind of suspension.
Yeah.
Is this a new Rover?
Crikey what was that?
A Rover.
Was it that Rover?
Yeah.
Was this a new, is this a new Rover?
Carving everybody up.
Yes.
That was er that, yeah well it's not out yet is it?
Looks like a looks like the front of a B M W to me.
I think that's what they're trying to emulate.
Oh that one.
How much is it?
Supposed to be.
Don't know how much it costs.
Should think it starts at about sixteen, seventeen thousand.
Yeah.
A three's heavy isn't it?
Look.
Yeah.
So you got any ideas what you're gon na get, what you should get mum for?
Er.
We could just fall back on a bit of sweets and chocolate or something in the end but I'd like to get some
What what sort of thing are you gon na get her?
there's some funny little weird shops down Thornton Heath aren't there?
What sort of thing are we talking about?
Well I du n no.
Something I 'm not I've no idea until I see it.
Well something like soap or what?
Could get her some, some toiletries or something.
I du n no.
I was hoping for something even more er
a Moss chemist might be able to get her some Bromley don't they?
There is a Moss chemist on the way.
Oh yes she did tell me that she'd like some of that.
Yes there is one isn't there?
By shops.
Right we, we 'll we 'll treat that as a fail safe then.
If we can't see anything more unusual suppose we could always fall back on the bubble baths or the anyway I think that's a bit more than but there you go.
They're off to football aren't they?
Look at that!
I've never seen a Metro so full.
how many people are there in it?
Five.
Five full adults.
Look really down on his haunches.
Oh yeah!
Low!
It's really low in n it?
Mm.
See that's the B M W I think the Rover's gon na look like.
That one, that's what they're copying.
Yeah.
It's really like it.
It's only the front though.
Oh I wanted to let him go.
What?
Oh look!
Someone's been right through that wall there, look.
Cor.
Ooh!
You wanted to let who go?
I wanted to let that car go, I was
Why?
Well I like to be polite.
I don't like the people like this who who straddle across you and just stop you.
Mm.
Specially when they're Indians.
Come on, let him go for goodness sake.
what's that plonker holding that Sony thing for!
Yeah I I held up a traffic jam of about sixty cars doing that.
There 's.
Still there.
Do you Judy then?
Somebody call Judy.
Judy, yeah.
Yes it's Judy.
Ah!
What did the say up there?
I don't know.
Wah.
I think we're gon na have to invite erm Adrian again.
One of these football evening matches we could couldn't we?
Yeah.
I 'm gon na see how many people I can let go across here, between here and Palace.
Right four
Do you wan na count?
oh no I did four at that one and I just did one there.
That's five all together now.
Five.
Five five times I was polite.
No but they, they just ran out in front of you, those other four.
No, well no I let them go though.
Well the third one did.
So we're counting from five?
Five yeah.
Only ones I don't like are the ones in like oh that doesn't matter cos he's allowed to do that cos it's a keep clear zone there.
I wonder if they're going to our match here, do you think?
They look like a football crowd don't they?
Not really.
Do they?
Well I du n no
It's a woman a woman driving it.
Is it?
Yes.
Oh well.
Perhaps not then.
four men
So if we get there early enough do you feel like a Wimpy?
A Wimpy?
Sony, Sony Sony Sony me Sony
I don't know what That's a tiny little shop for a Sony isn't it?
Yeah.
Oh it's not a Sony shop though look.
It's audio Sony advert.
Oh.
I bet they've got one of these tape recorders in it though.
Mm.
Sony me Sony Sony me Sony.
A Wimpy?
Cheapskates.
They don't put the lights on in this Christmas thing till it's slightly dusk.
I know.
Well we can't hardly see them now.
Well you well you would be able to though wouldn't you?
Would you?
You wouldn't want to put them on, they're not so spectacular are they?
Cuts cuts down on the electricity bill.
Plus two sports.
It's funny, every time we've sat at our seats that bloke has come to ask the chap next to me
Yeah.
what he thinks of the match hasn't he?
. There hasn't been one game we've been there that he hasn't or both of them haven't.
Suppose they're both season ticket holders.
James was well gutted on Friday.
James right like Mr right he didn't know right and we have this sort of erm water fountain and he was running towards it and he, and he filled up his mouth with it and he was spitting it everywhere and we were all sort of getting out the way and Mr told him if you don't want to drink it then leave it alone and he sort of turned and walked away.
Mr who's quite strict isn't he?
Yeah.
He looks
He badminton.
James
Oh does he?
James was really unlucky.
He sort of just come, just go up there
James is always into trouble isn't he?
Yeah.
That's rather disgusting though
I know.
putting water in and spitting it out.
He should have remembered because always walks down there on Fridays to do his badminton class.
Did he give him a de de detention or not?
No, he told him to get away.
Yeah well always mucks around on Fridays don't they?
Sort of like ah no more school for about two days.
More relaxed mood.
James is very excitable
Yeah.
Now when I, when we went to that open day that Mr is very stern isn't he?
Mm yeah.
Didn't think it helped he 'd, just before we got there his biro had exploded in his pocket.
All the ink was all over his shirt, it was coming out all over the place.
I don't think he was in the best of moods when he, we got to him.
But he seemed very very stern.
He doesn't smile very much.
No.
Terse.
We have his wife er Mrs for English.
And you say they're nothing to do with Mark
No.
?
It's unbelievable isn't it?
Isn't it Yeah.
Unless it's Smith in Cypriot or something.
Don't know.
Don't think she's Cypriot.
None of them sound Cypriot but
So what's his wife teach then?
English.
We have him for history and her for English.
And her for English?
Yo!
Yeah.
Mm.
She's the one we did our Geoffrey Chaucer project, project with.
I always feel guilty passing Mike's house.
We really should sort of take him to football, don't you?
But
they are.
I don't think he's I don't think he's interested as you is he really?
No, nowhere near.
But he's probably not there.
He's probably at a party or something like that, or
Yeah.
I don't think he's got any lack of things to do, has he?
Really?
No.
He never seems to have any homework to do though.
all those Christmas trees in that lorry, look.
Oh yeah.
Where are they going to?
I don't know, they're loa, looks like they're loading them in, they're putting them in the gar the school.
Has that school closed now?
I think perhaps it has.
I went there for a week.
Yeah, I think it's closed.
Didn't I?
I was in the fourth year, the top year.
Were they nice to you there, the teachers?
I mean there weren't very many teachers anyway were there?
How many were there?
Du n no.
Three or four.
Four?
Three or four?
Don't know.
Can't remember.
on the computer most of the time.
And I took part in some of their tests.
I got better results than some of the actual fifteen year olds.
That 'll be quite good about your maths test won't it?
Cos you 'll be, you're doing it again with, like that aren't you?
Your maths
you're taking class nine
Yeah.
you could get better than them.
Yeah.
Virtually every year the eighth, eighth year always does get better than the ninth year.
Look that house is really old.
Look it's got the plaque on it.
What's a plaque mean?
Is that a fire station thing?
Well yeah it's yeah.
No no it's not but it 's, it's saying how old those houses are.
all, all these
Yeah?
are really old.
They look quite new.
Yeah.
Well no they're kept to look like new really old.
Were th, were those white boards always there?
It's got a Surrey Surrey badge on it look.
Building of historical interest.
What's so historic about that?
Don't know well it's probably near erm three or four hundred years or something.
Yeah.
Everything's old around here isn't it?
Apart from it's sort of like everything's old that side
Yeah.
everything's new the other side.
More modern, yeah.
Talk about that being out of place.
Look at that.
What?
Well
What Budgens?
That bloke looks like your Derek doesn't he?
The old Sunday school teacher.
What in the car?
Chap here, yeah.
Does he?
Bet Derek wishes he'd have a car like that.
Nice.
He's only got a beat up old Metro.
Yeah.
Spent four hundred pounds on it.
They, they had a documentary on Metros apparently and the Me they said that Metros of a certain period for about, I think from his period sort of A registration, B registration, Y registration they're absolute rubbish apparently.
Yeah.
You know, all the rusting and everything, they've improved now.
The Me if he had a Metro now he 'd, you'd get a better deal but they said that
They're cheap though aren't they?
Well yes but not cheap if you have to keep replacing them and
Think he 'll probably buy a new car probably.
photographic photo service.
How do you spell sergeant?
I've always wondered that.
Is that how you act is that sergeant?
Erm yes.
It's not S A R?
Er I think the American version is and I think that's the English version and that's right.
So his name is actually somebody sergeant?
Yeah.
Ooh I wouldn't mind buying that, look.
For sale, doesn't say a price though, but look, doesn't half look new doesn't it?
Where?
Complete new Opel body I reckon he's got there.
T registration but Opel Manta.
Nice.
Genesis.
Who's that?
Oh that's Phil Collins isn't it.
This corner here gets worse and worse, traffic lights and yet the traffic
Yeah.
gets further and further back.
And yet two or three years ago it used to stop up there.
Now you stop further, now you're almost stopping on the lights.
The lights are getting clogged up.
Yeah.
You know those sporty rollers?
They don't have all that pine in them.
Don't they?
That wood.
No.
No.
Suppose it's not very zoopy sport does it, like?
No, it's not conducive as a sporty image the walnut facia.
facia.
Don't think.
How do they make that building curved?
architecture.
They're quite nice actually aren't they?
They, they're a bit run down.
They could have a bit more money spent on them.
Had a new roof I note but
Yeah.
They're always for sale.
There's always a for sale sign out outside one of those or one of those.
I reckon it's one of those flats, you can always get a flat there.
Are they flats?
So many that, er yeah, so many of them that soon as one's sold somebody else sells another one.
Yeah.
Well how many are there?
Seventeen to twenty
Oh
twenty one to twenty six.
It's a lot isn't it?
Yeah.
Specially both sides.
Yellow flag coming out of his aerial.
Oh where would you prefer your ae aerial?
Would you like it there up there or at the back?
Up there's alright.
I like it the way the ones that you can close each time, now I 'm sure my aerial will last longer.
Cos you can
What do you mean close.
Well it compacts.
Oh yeah.
The ones that stick out all the time, they I suppose that is good.
If you have one that doesn't compact, you you're best to have one in the middle cos it's less likely to get pranged there isn't it?
Yeah.
Here like walkers by can bend it and Oh look.
Here's my next one.
Six.
I've let six go now.
You must have let someone go before now.
I didn't, no I haven't.
No.
Haven't had the opportunity to.
What is this lady dressed up like?
What has she got on?
What has she got on her hair?
Weird.
Bunch of wool.
She 'll be thinking where's that wool?
Oh it's on my head.
Look at those tiny rugby posts.
Yeah, I don't know why they do that, I was gon na ask that, why they chop those off, look like they've been vandalized don't they?
Yeah.
It's only for junior rugby though.
They haven't replaced that garage have they?
It's Volvo's in there.
They've got no-one, no-one's
Yeah.
Put a new garage in there already.
There's loads of new garages going in all over the place.
Volvo
Could have let that one go but I was too late.
Yeah.
Volvo seem to be moving out all over the place.
I think they're trying to set up er nought, their own things rather than just joining petrol stations.
Where's the Secombe centre
Back there.
Have you been to that place, Holiday Inn?
Headphones on the wall again.
Oops a daisy.
Is that the B &amp; Q down there
Yeah.
or the Texas?
B and Q.
martial arts.
So so far I've let six people go.
That's not bad.
Six!
It is bad.
You let five go in a second.
Well I could you could let this one go but I think he's gon na come out isn't he?
I don't know what to do.
Here you are, no, I 'll let him go, oh two I let go!
That's eight.
Oh brilliant.
Yes!
Eight!
Wow.
Eight people.
Wowsers Eight people.
She's gon na sit there all day she's that far back.
Funny.
Think it's obviously to do with trusting your car's power.
It's also being alert to watch.
I mean some people just don't expect you to let them out so they're dreaming mostly.
Yeah.
Times you flash people er?
And you have to flash flash flash flash flash before you know oh, oh, ooh!
let her out.
You know, they're just, they're just waiting you know, sort of Others are like on the ball almost too much.
They whip across you before you've even thought about it.
Isn't Texaco around there somewhere?
Texaco?
Er no that's B P.
Texaco is round the corner.
Don't forgot to switch that off when we go in the garage.
Yeah.
Oh look.
Number nine.
Yes!
Number 10?
No I can't cos they 're, they won't let her, let them go.
Get stuck there.
I, I 'll ask about that.
Yeah?
Yeah.
No I know about it.
You have to send off.
Do you?
Yeah.
But have you got a form or something to get at the garage?
Er you can ask then.
It's those ones where you just flick it around.
What were they called?
What were they called?
Er
I, I know arm bands but was it, is there a name for it?
Protective arm bands?
Flick them.
Er
Flick arm bands?
Flick on bands, yeah
Flick on bands?
Flick on bands.
You want me to go in a garage and ask for, have you got a flick on band!
You flick off!
You're the one that wants them.
Squire car company.
Why have they got all
Fancy having a car called eggs.
E E G S, dad.
Oh that's the way you spell eggs.
It's not!
How far have we got through this tape?
Flick it off now.
The garage is here.
Yeah.
Sort of past half way.
Can't believe these are only forty five minutes.
Cos we've been talking at least there.
Mm.
This is a tricky one to get in to isn't it?
This is the one, you know I went wrong in the B P?
This is the one I always think I was thinking about.
Yeah?
And when I went wrong the other time.
What, what other time?
You know, went to the Esso and I went all wrong and I couldn't le, I went down a no en
Oh yeah.
Woman said no way.
No way chummy.
Oh there you are children should be application forms here.
Yeah it's going round.
Why must you check, every time?
Cos I think sometimes it doesn't.
You just sit there thinking you're taping and you're not.
Oh.
Er how did she get it on there?
Pooh.
Mummy's gon na say that's very strong, Paul.
In fact put it at the back somewhere I think pong.
No.
Why should we have it in the back?
That's it.
Really strong in n it?
Can you put that in the in the glovebox then please.
Do you wan na bit of this?
No thank you Bounty What's the Egbert fund?
I 'm supporting the Egbert fund.
Do you know it?
Looks like er the spastic one.
Oh.
No we've picked the wrong one there.
I don't think we 'll pick spice again, do you?
No.
Ooh!
Smells like somebody's lavatory.
Looks like you 'll have to sort of like put it up for a day and then take it down for a week and put it back in again.
It's too much for one day.
You shou, perhaps you should have kept the bag on it.
You know it's too strong to.
You take the bag off, off it after a month or something.
Even your Bounty must taste a bit poorly.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Bet the bloke listening to this can hear it smell it.
I know.
Put it in there.
.
open the glovebox when we get
Yeah.
Er hang on though, perhaps that's not so good.
I, it might make the sweets taint.
Mm.
I reckon we 'll when, when we get out we 'll put it in the boot and it 'll filter through through on its own.
Ooh dear!
How about just keeping it in the bag?
It's overcoming me.
Yeah.
Open your window, quick.
Oh look.
Panic.
Not everybody's window, Paul.
Ah!
Strewth Pauly.
Disgusting.
I 'll just keep it down there.
In the bag.
Oh it's disgusting smell.
And why did you hit this car?
Well you see
my son took his magic pongo tree out
and I was overcome, thus hitting the car in front.
I see Mr.
Do you expect us to believe that do you?
Yeah.
Yes.
He is an idiot.
Can you leave that alone!
I leant on it.
Lean out a bit cos I 'm shutting the windows again.
No I want it.
I
I hope this traffic jam's not all the way to Croydon.
I do so hope.
Oh can you imagine what that Purley Way's gon na be like?
Forget the s, egg and chips Pauly.
Forget mummy's present.
Oh what are they having here now?
The Christmas fair.
At the moment I 'm just trying to forget that awful spice stuff.
in n it?
Yeah I think you did wrong.
You should, you shouldn't have er yeah.
You shouldn't have er opened the packet.
It's funny that shop didn't smell of it did it?
So I mean the seal must keep it all in until you open it up.
Ugh ugh.
open it ugh.
No it's quite a nice smell if it's like taken out now.
We 'll put it in the boot or it 'll just be sickening on the way home.
Yeah.
person listening to this tape will probably go ah.
I can smell it when I 'm listening to it!
There's our little football group.
Look, it's getting bigger and bigger.
What little football group?
There!
Yeah.
Got a lady teaching, got a team to go there.
Do you remember that lady that ran the team at er St John 's?
Yeah.
Quite keen.
Oh yeah, her.
how her little team got on.
Whether it folded or not.
Probably did.
I think a lot of them do.
Yeah.
You imagine what Purley Way's gon na be like ton, today.
Christmas shopping.
Awful
Oh we're taking forget two o'clock.
I said two o'clock we'd be parking.
Stopped for petrol I suppose.
Yeah but dad, not for that long.
So when will we park now?
Set an estimate
Well look there's an estimation look they're parking, they're queuing on this brow of the hill instead of the other one.
Everybody's got Christmas fairs on haven't they?
Look, balloons.
This is the day.
Yeah.
No, fifteenth is the day.
Or sixth
Are we going to?
Yeah.
It's the toy service tomorrow isn't it?
Is it?
Yeah.
That really is a strong
No it could, you could overcome, I wonder if there's a warning on the packet.
Do not open this and drive at the same time.
Really heady.
On an empty stomach it's made me feel quite queasy.
Oh look he's done, someone's done that to his, look, look.
Smashed his wing mirror, look jam a glass in it, er sock in it to stop the glass falling out.
Oh it's not too bad.
Yes Paul.
Well really you should have read shouldn't you?
Dad!
You told me to take it all the way out.
Should have got that blue one.
I knew that was your fault.
Stinks!
Yes but you opened it all.
Actually I don't even want it anywhere near me.
Ah.
It's gone all my nose funny now.
nose I've got my asthma.
Asthma.
Asthma.
By the way, if you can hear a word I say you're better than I am.
Oh get this out.
Phew.
I 'll have to lob that
That car's got smile just to annoy everybody.
What?
Smile, just to annoy everybody that blue Datsun says on
What does that, what does that mean?
Ooh, yeah be pleasant and ooh.
There you are, look, look
You can read that ah.
I thought you meant that what about the one in front of it then?
Baby on board.
I can't stand those ones.
Can you see?
Well I can see
I can see the baby.
Well a baby is on board.
Give them their due.
Oh, oh it's made all my throat go all funny.
Pay someone to take it away.
Very long lasting.
Yes, very long lasting.
Hang on, I 'm just opening the window again.
Recording commences at three past two.
With.
Got a Palace picture on.
Man United!
Oh.
Don't let them out.
They can stay there.
We hate United.
Hello again.
Hello, hello, hello.
Who is that munching cashews on the tape.
Here we go, you go right close, go ah!
You wicked trickster you.
Would you like a cashew nut?
You can't have a cashew nut.
Oh come on.
I like the big ones.
You would.
That's me!
Mm
Tasted nicer ones.
Can't afford to eat them like that!
Mm can.
Mm.
Lovely.
Should eat them about a quarter at a time.
Why are the dearest things the nicest?
Don't eat them like that!
Mm.
I can't, look at you eating them like that.
One at a time.
Oh look Pauly hot rod.
Hot rod!
Woo woo, nice.
Mm.
No!
That means give me the packet.
Hurry up, come on.
What?
Quick.
Give me the packet please, they're mine.
What me?
What.
Oh that's where you should go for your computer, look.
P C World.
Yeah.
This bit's not so bad.
Once you get through that traffic light back there
Yeah.
it's alright.
Mm.
Soon as these lights go we should get here, through here quite quickly.
Mm.
Long lights.
I command thee to become orange.
Orange.
Well it's so long for the.
They make them longer during the evenings and Saturday.
Orange!
And this lot have got to go first haven't they?
Mm.
Yeah.
Quite ridiculous.
Far too long.
Far too long, yeah.
How do people know it's gon na change?
They just sort of start their engines still red.
changes.
Regulars down here I should imagine.
Where?
Regulars probably who come down here and know
Regulars.
They can count.
Yeah.
No they can probably see down the end and they
Well these lights used to be quite easy, didn't mind being stopped by them.
Now you're petrified of being stopped by any of them cos you know it's
Yeah.
really long wait.
When are they gon na bring those towers down?
Don't know.
Which way would they tumble them?
I don't think they're in any rush to develop now, are they cos this housing business is so poor.
whoever's got the land has decided
are they boarded off.
You can't go up there any more?
No.
That is so naff isn't it?
Putting your scarf across the car like that.
I know.
What's it say.
Crystal Palace.
Least it says Crystal Palace.
Right.
Who shall we, who shall we get
What?
as a replacement for somebody.
Who is there?
Who would you like?
If we had all the money.
Buy Ian Wright back I suppose.
No.
I'd sell Bright.
No I wouldn't sell Bright.
I'd buy someone first.
Make sure someone was interested in.
I'd buy Deane and swap Bright in exchange for Deane.
No matter how bad he doesn't like it he's well and truly gutted.
Er so him for Deane and
Yeah but Deane won't be available till the end of the season.
There's no way Sheffield United
Er I du n no.
just stoking the price up I think.
Cos it's not old Bassett now, this is what it's all about.
to get the odd draw you need the odd goal and er it's not gon na come from any other people than er
Oh yeah, Deane.
Deane.
But Deane didn't score today.
It was Beazley apparently.
Beazley.
Beazley.
Er I might see if I could pick up that Sheffield United guy Jamie Hoyland.
He's quite good.
As you say the main problem is, as you say is are you going to change your whole team, game
Yeah.
I don't know.
I think they 'll do it slowly but not this slowly.
I mean I th I think we should have bought someone along with er Gabbiadini to play with him.
could just bring him and expect stuff.
Mm could you get
I think he's gon na have to raid the bottom divisions again, you know.
What sort of bottom divisions?
he's probably got his eye on.
I mean that Coleman was a very good buy wasn't he?
Yeah?
Yeah.
How much did he cost?
Three hundred and fifty.
Three hundred and fifty.
No it wasn't, it was three hundred.
It was two
Yes it was.
Three hundred and fifty.
Oh anyway, it was still pretty good wasn't it?
Wasn't cheap, I mean
No, but I mean you could see play really well.
I mean Southgate's all the more pleasing when you think he's somebody that's worked his way up, right?
Yeah.
That's really nice to see.
And he played really well.
Southgate is a harder person to mark isn't he?
Yeah.
I think I'd drop Mortimer oh look, Palace.
Red car it's like ours isn't it?
Yeah.
I'd drop, I'd drop Paul Mortimer
Yeah.
and have Collymore in right?
And encourage that's the trouble, you drop Mortimer you drop somebody who can er flip the ball in but I think you definitely want to take the heat off Wright.
Now if if all Collymore does is distract but Mortimer was not playing enough of the game.
We can't afford people like Mortimer to, I mean he scored a goal but I mean
Yeah.
Eddie I think is worth sheer sort of opening teams up.
Well he does open, there's no not many players can play a team better like than opening up
So what'd you do, say you had back next week so our next game against Birmingham.
What would you do then?
Well I mean they've got, they've got, he's got ta do something because you're gon na lose that Birmingham game.
can see that coming now.
But Birmingham must have won today cos they had equal top must have won I would have thought.
That's good.
Chelsea won one nil.
How do you know?
You'd have thought Forest would have beaten Chelsea wouldn't you? really annoyed after being
Yeah.
I suppose so.
What are you gon na buy mum?
He's gone the whole hog that guy hanging down to his
Oh.
So what are you gon na buy her?
Newbury Fruits?
Or something like that, er
They did very well with those little tulip hand out things didn't they?
There's a lot of people who er don't, who would not have gone to the bother of going into the shop and buying a one pound or two pound or four pound
But why did they do well out of them if they were free?
Well yeah they're free but they've got their advert on it haven't they?
Tulip
tulip tulip, I mean you're like a roving little advert aren't you?
I mean it, it draws your eye those little pictures doesn't it?
You
Oh he's got, he's got the hanging one at the front hasn't he?
And he's got a badge on the right hand side as well.
Yeah.
So he really is
You see that guy next to us?
He's got a Palace earring hasn't he? on one of his ears.
Oh my goodness.
On his left ear.
He's nice though isn't he, wasn't he, he did say something
Yeah.
I didn't have to say anything.
I said to him I don't know, he said did you enjoy yourself Tuesday?
Oh I said, did you see us?
Oh yeah we saw you.
And his dad's nice.
Yeah.
But that other bloke was there but he wasn't in his normal place.
Yes
Why wasn't he in his normal place?
Palace played really well.
The first twenty five minutes, when you think we were one nil up right I thought gosh if we could get that second goal it would have made all the difference and United would have been really would have been in trouble.
Was a good game though.
Oh I enjoyed it, yeah.
Just don't enjoy Palace losing, but sheer football and it just shows you that ironically the two games can match each other and there were chances for Palace to wrap that game up.
But er when they do play that ball to ball business erm
Yeah.
we look like we've got huge spaces in our in our midfield.
I mean that's what teams are doing now, they're realizing that's where all our weakness is in midfield so don't take a er a hefty boot and try and er er people like Thorn and I mean Thorn and Young were impeccably they played beautifully today.
You can not ask Thorn and Young, I've never seen two players play they do, they did th, they do the simple thing but they do it consistently well.
Over and over again, maybe a hundred, hundred and fifty times in one match and they 'll make one mistake and usually like Coleman was there to c, I think Coleman backed up well and Gareth backed up well once or twice.
But defence wise superb.
Absolutely su, there was a lapse with that guy, don't know who was to blame about that third goal but I mean
It was Young.
Er Young let it plop over
Oh, didn't see who it was.
It was like, it was like a, like they were waiting for an offside or some there were just couldn't believe, it was
But it was the same when Palace scored and exactly the same thing happened didn't it?
Why do they lapse?
It's weird.
Yeah, it's well they do say both sides that it's the most dangerous time straight after a goal.
I mean often, times you see teams equalize immediately.
You know it's like, you sometimes you can go a whole game like seventy minutes of a game and no-one's had a goal scoring chance
Yeah.
and then someone scores and the guy goes in straight calmly and scores straight away.
You know it's people aren't
Yeah.
I don't know, it's psychologically sort of still got their mind on going through what's er
On what happened.
Yeah.
It's like at school when they're thinking oh no, no and they've scored again.
It's like you've scored, you're so elated and you
Fact you you often sort of watch videos of managers.
Managers are often shrieking you know about what's happening next rather than you know, all their players are jumping with joy all over each other and you think and they're saying get in your positions.
Do your stuff.
Don't let it slip straight away, I mean That was annoying thing is that we didn't deserve to lose three one really, I mean
Sneak that that box of sweets in then for mum.
I bet she knows you've done that for her.
Eh?
I bet she knows you've bought that for her.
Well she knows that we're giving her something, yes.
I mean we could have been worse, could have forgotten completely.
I mean it's easy, cos when mum gets all those things for everybody else, clearly she doesn't get something for herself.
Don't know why not.
What did you get her last year?
It was the same thing wasn't it?
No I didn't get, we didn't do this did we, last year?
Yes we did.
We always have the tree presents.
Do we?
Our sunroof's pretty isn't it?
You what?
Our sunroof's pretty isn't it?
Very stylish.
What's the time?
This very busy road, isn't it?
I suppose so.
busier.
seems to be very busy
So does the other way.
Yeah.
Because of mum.
where the heck are we.
hundred percent better
Yeah you were well fluky then, getting the
How come that shop had them and the other one didn't?
you wouldn't believe it would you?
No.
nice big posh shop like and it's got cheap
Yes.
and nasty in it.
Yes.
Hope you're enjoying it.
follow you up
It would be real boring just listening to a load of rubbish wouldn't it?
I mean making up conversations all over the place.
Suddenly it clears this bit.
What you're memory?
No this road.
Oh, this road.
Why?
Du n no some go off that way
I mean, let, some people go up go off where?
Where is it leading to?
Don't know.
I don't really know.
What's all this, why does Meltis always have that stand of eighty, eighty years?
Well it's how long they've been going, I suppose.
Surely they've been for the last four years and they must or do they just keep it at eighty one then they go to ninety?
I don't know.
I've never noticed that badge before.
Hallo how many miles have we done?
sixteen thousand one hundred and sixty.
How many did we have when we bought it?
How long ago
Fourteen thousand
how long ago was it that we bought it?
September.
September?
Ages ago.
Yeah.
twelve thousand miles
Twelve thousand?
No way, not at eight.
What if we lose at Birmingham Paul.
Will you wan na go to the Chelsea match?
What Chelsea match?
Well the Chelsea match is the following Tuesday.
Is that yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what Saturd, what's the match on Saturday before squeezed in between that?
What?
I don't really know.
Er erm is there a game on Saturday?
I think there might be.
Oh I've got it, I've got it.
It's come to me.
It's come to me.
It's come to me.
Oh not a big team is it, again?
Tottenham.
Oh no!
Oh no it's not Tottenham.
No, you know when we played our Birmingham replay?
Yeah.
That night we were gon na play Tottenham.
Were we?
Mark told me that.
It was on his picture list.
Really?
That night we were gon na play Tottenham
Oh well.
in the league.
Oh sorry.
Perhaps we can play Tottenham when they haven't got er Gary Lineker in their games any more.
Yeah.
You start hitting periods like this and you think oh no.
You think every team you start worrying about almost every side don't you?
Yeah.
Oh we always worry about every side cos Crystal Palace always hate the bad sides.
Cos usually we do well against the Man United and as soon as we start losing against them we start getting worried.
They outplayed us last season at fairground didn't they?
Liverpool
What do you mean at Liverpool?
What did Liverpool do to them then?
Well we lost no we beat them two one
Yeah.
I remember that.
Most surprising result of that season.
Not really.
Was it?
It is when you see us struggling against Birmingham.
What do you think the score's gon na be against Birmingham?
Three one to Palace.
Three one to Palace?
Be great if that is.
We will score first.
They will equalize and we 'll score two more.
We have got to get another goalgetter.
I mean old erm does his bit crossing and splitting defences and getting goals but not scoring them.
What do you mean, getting goals and then not
Now, well now it's just now we've got nobody who, who score actually really scores goals except Thomas I would say at the moment.
We really do need somebody who regularly pops them in.
What about Gabbiadini?
What about Gabiadini?
Well he's coming along.
I don't see him
I think he he had a really good first half I think it like, I think that to be fair, apart from Coleman an Southgate everybody faded in the second half didn't they?
Yo.
Yo
Yeah.
What's that, Man United fans?
Wallington.
Where's Wallington?
Oh that's boring.
Why are we going this way then?
Are, are Manchester United not the most cockiest fans going aren't they?
They really are cocky.
Yeah.
Leeds, I like Man United, I don't, I don't hate them or anything I just, they get a bit I du n no.
Mind you not that they've had an awful lot of success recently but they are, really are a cocky lot.
Leeds are aggressive so you're always quite glad that you've beaten them but.
Specially with Palace I think they seem to think but they really.
Should have finished them off in that first
Yeah Can I just flick the light on for a second?
Thank you.
Yes, see who I mean I can't think of anybody who's in the reserves who could do any better than the lot that are in, in at the moment.
Can you?
Other than perhaps give Colleymore a full blooded game, right?
Doesn't he get a full blooded game at the moment?
I think perhaps it 's, it's worth it now.
The season, I mean we're not gon na come top of the league are we?
Right?
We've got ta make sure we stay in the first division but
I think we can afford to blood Colimore as a good one now.
He could have this whole of this season to get used to playing, right?
Yeah.
And then who knows what fireworks could happen the season after.
I mean he's never gon na be a when he's obviously another Bright.
Who wants another Bright?
We're supposed to to the better style of play.
No, I don't know.
Well why did we buy Gabiadini?
Why?
What would be the point of buying Gabiadini?
No, well I, I mean you saw the point really.
I mean to pick I mean who, who who could replace?
He 's, I, he, the way he plays is virtually unique, isn't he?
So I mean you're not gon na say well let's go and get another Ian Wright off the peg so fair enough.
But er in the kind of situation where Ian Wright was very very good was in tight situations.
differently through se sheer speed and but er I can see Gabiadini I mean Ian Wright never flicks like some of the flicks that he does.
I mean some of the flicks are fantastic.
But erm there is a nice side to his game but god he doesn't half fade.
Can you afford somebody that fades like that, I don't know it's
The whole team fades at the moment.
I, I, that's what I would do.
I'd drop Mortimer now and er keep, I wouldn't, I'd keep McGoldrick up don't have him as a sweeper.
I mean if you're gon na have McGoldrick as a sweeper then you'd have to bring Mortimer back but
Why not
I noticed it was quite odd that he didn't use McGoldrick as a sweeper did he?
I mean we, we went out to win that game didn't we, again?
Well, don't you think?
Yeah.
We didn't play a and yet the defence played well enough.
So I think drop Mortimer and bring Colimore in for a full ninety minutes and then and and again and again and again.
Get sort of like half a dozen games.
I think drop Bright Colimore.
Well.
I mean Bright, I mean
Well yes, you could say, yes
you've got, you've got an excuse to drop Bright.
Bright's tired.
You could say Bright is absolutely tired.
He looks tired at the moment.
Just drop Bright.
There's no need to drop Mortimer.
Not when he's playing well.
Mm yes.
Well he, he didn't play well in the second half though did he?
I don't think.
He sort of
Give me a player that did, outside
Yes, well, yes.
Coleman and Southgate.
Well it it was one of the, I mean when you saw
Oh look, that's where Fergie made those funny faces.
Oh and you didn't see that did you? in the paper.
Look Croydon Caterham valley.
eyes.
Christmas presents.
Er one thing, what's the name of this record you want?
Enya.
It's in the, it's in I think it's number nine in the hit parade
What's it called?
What's Enya's record called now Paul?
Eh?
Enya's record?
Shepherd 's.
It's number nine wasn't it?
What?
Nine, wasn't it?
Number nine.
I don't remember
What's the cover look like?
It was number three when I
It's silvery.
Greyish.
It's not silvery it's blue.
Is it?
It was green last time you I asked you.
Enya anyway.
Are you celebrating your birthday tomorrow?
Well Paul was asking this, when well I 'll have some presents.
Whoever comes, brings me in we 'll open those.
Do you want yours opened?
I 'll open one in the morning I think.
Up to you, what do you think?
I don't mind.
So you 'll take Paul to church in the morning will you?
Alright.
Well you can drop him off and pick him up.
I could do, yeah.
Now you've found my keys for my I really need to get those
What's that he's got?
What's that?
My.
You bought it?
Yeah.
More money than sense.
Wonder what he looks like now?
How old was he there?
Nineteen sixty eight, so that's twenty three years ago.
He was only twenty three then I should think.
Let us have a bit of the paper.
Listen to this.
Absent minded spinsters Beryl and Doris lost their car in a repair shop.
Yeah I know!
I read that.
The sisters are eighty and eighty one reported the mini stolen
And bought another one.
got the er three months later they received thirteen hundred pound pay off from insurance Commercial Union and promptly bought a replacement car.
But when they booked their new car into Tristar Motors for its first service, they found their old model waiting for them.
That is dreadful garage that didn't phone to find out why they hadn't picked it up though, isn't it?
I'd have thought
Unless they lost their address.
Hee hee hee hee.
I mean the fact that this come out is that the
That was in the Mail That was in the Mail.
Yeah but the fact it's come out is that they've been honest.
Isn't it?
Right?
Yes.
You could have kept that quiet, anyway.
Oh I should think the garage publicized it.
I remember this one.
Who's that?
Kinks isn't it?
Ray Davies?
Yes.
Tears of a Clown.
No it isn't.
No I know but he, that's what he's famous for isn't it?
Tears of a Clown.
I bet someone's vid, I bet Alan's videoing all these.
Put them all together.
Look at the sets in in sixty eight.
You could, as the camera goes by you can see where all the sellotape and the gum's stuck to boxes.
I mean look at those boxes.
Just just scrappy old blue looks like something the art college has knocked up.
Who is that?
Moody Blues isn't it?
Is it?
Ha ha you used to look like that.
They all look like Allied Carpet salesmen now don't they?
I mean they looked old then don't they?
I mean you didn't have sixteen, seventeen year olds in those days coming through did you?
They were sort of like
Mm.
I mean look at those boxes.
You can see all the sellotape and the bubbles and
Where?
Oh you've got poor eyesight then.
We need a new aerial.
Where's the other bit of paper?
Which other bit of paper?
Croydon Advertiser?
Yeah, well which bit have you got there?
There you are.
Has it got the adverts in it?
Jaws is on telly Paul.
Er?
Jaws is on tonight?
Jaws is on.
Included The Who, The Small Faces, The Move, The Kinks, The Moody Blues and Jimi Hendrix.
Absolute rubbish on television.
That's what Merle said.
Now House of Elliott's finished she's got nothing to watch.
I bet she's watching Bugsy Malone.
Did you hear that, Winston Churchill's doing Bugsy Malone?
Oh.
And Catherine's in it and that er I said ooh haven't you seen it Merle, she said no.
I said ooh I've got the video.
She said well what's it like.
I said ooh you 'll either find it really funny or you wouldn't find it funny at all but erm
How could you not find it funny?
Catherine well I can see that
Oh!
I can imagine that Tom would find it funny.
I said it's a very good film.
Anyway Catherine's got a very small part in it.
She's a German reporter or something.
Which I couldn't even remember a German reporter.
A German?
I said what do you work for Fat Sam?
I don't think she knows it very well.
She said she's seen the film but none of the other family have seen it.
You know.
Where they, they're having a fight and they've got all the different people in the news like Chinese people go and there's fights and then they get, there's custard pies thrown at them.
Oh yeah.
And Germany going boom boom boom boom
That's just gon na make an awful mess on stage isn't it if they?
Is that all she's got to do?
Yeah.
She said it's a very small part.
They go pow they've got french people being fired at
I wonder if they 'll have the er custard pie part in it?
Oh yeah?
Splurge guns.
Splurge guns
?
Yeah.
Splurge guns.
Oh look.
Pete Townshend.
The Who.
I met Liz in er Woking Paul.
I met Liz in Woking.
stall made over seventy pounds.
And Jo won a major raffle prize.
Liz said isn't it typical.
She won a huge box of groceries.
Liz said I won a raffle prize.
I said oh what did you win?
She said well it was down to the last two she said, I had a choice between a red and green cushion or a fitness test.
Ah!
So she said I took the fitness test.
I said you don't need a fitness test Liz.
She was waiting for her husband.
Her husband's much older than her.
Her husband
Well she
could be her father.
Oh no.
Well he's he's fifty five.
He is fifty five.
That's why she's talking about him retiring isn't it?
Yeah but I mean she looks about fifty five to me.
Liz!
She's younger than you isn't she mum?
Actu no she probably is forty five but she only looks
She's not younger than us.
about forty.
The way she carries herself makes her look
I I thi feel I look I I feel thirty so I mean I always think
And Liz makes herself look
I thought that was very interesting that
She's so fit though.
Oh look it's all when The Who used to smash their rec, all their, I mean that used to be disgusting.
What are they doing?
They used to break up all their things on stage.
Dreadful isn't it?
Why?
Well that's what pop groups used to do.
They went to total excess and then they had to come back the other way.
Well look at them now.
Well one died.
The guy, the drummer just drove his car into the swimming pool didn't he and drowned.
What the one that drums there.
Yes Paul.
Not the one holding his guitar.
what's he trying to smash it all up for!
Well that's what they did!
They were only old instruments.
They didn't smash up anything valuable.
Why did he drive his car into the swimming pool?
Well that was the point.
I think they did.
Oh.
Why don't you ever pick up the freebie papers?
They've got the property in, I 'm always interested in those.
Is he still alive, Pete Townshend?
Yes.
Cor look!
Christmas shopping in Croydon Tuesdays and Thursdays.
And the week before Christmas Monday Tuesday Thursday Friday.
He's dead though Jimmy Hendrix isn't he?
Yes.
He's dead.
Look here Paulie, you come and have a look at this.
This is Crystal Palace going up in f flames.
November the thirtieth nineteen thirty six.
Look, there's the shape of Crystal Palace.
Gutted in one night.
Were you alive then dad?
No I was not.
You said you could see it.
You lying hound.
No that was the that was the furniture repository.
No you said
Yeah that was the furniture repository nothing about the crystal palace.
No
Thank you ma.
I'd nearly forgotten that.
I thought how on earth did I get myself
You plonker.
stuck in that one.
No ages ago you said you saw it.
We've been to the site haven't we?
Eh?
site.
The site is where the zoo is.
Oh I 'm taking the phone up to phone my sister.
I 'll stop the tape and
clock, with the children.
We were Christmas shopping can you imagine
Six hours!
Awful.
So I said what have you got it all then? she's bought your present but she can't post it.
She said it's heavy
What is it?
so you might be getting something else.
It's quite a nice book.
So I
So she's gon na buy Simon either chocolates dairy miniatures
Yeah.
or a supply of chocolate miniatures.
Or a supply of caps for his gun.
Can you pull the curtain please Paul.
What a big supply?
Do you reckon that's quite a good idea?
Yeah.
A supply of caps for his gun.
Twelve
Yeah I told her twelve.
Or roll cap.
Make sure it's Oh yeah.
It's two new guns.
One takes roll cap and one takes
Well we've got plenty of roll cap haven't we?
We've got a wadge of roll cap.
That's
Yeah but, the rate he
you know
goes through it.
She might as well buy a year's supply.
She doesn't know what to buy, she might as well buy something useful mightn't she?
Yes it's true.
There's no point in wasting six or seven pounds.
No.
As far as I can understand anyway.
I said or a teddy that does something.
So she's bought me this book?
She had already bought it before she phoned dad this morning, so
But she's not gon na buy, give me the book though?
She says it's too heavy to post.
So she's not gon na give me the book?
Well she might, but you might have to wait till after Christmas for it.
But she's gon na send something else?
I 'm not sure.
No you might be old enough to be considered you can wait till after Christmas for your present.
Paul I'd like you to do a job.
I've done a job.
I've been round to Merle 's.
No.
I'd like you to do a proper job.
I'd like you to take a sponge and I'd like you to clean the paintwork on the stairs.
Please.
What about touching up?
I 'll touch up.
I've done the touching up.
So why does it need?
You won't help will you.
I don't feel that it's worth doing.
Trophy holders Palace are now just three steps away from another trip to Wembley.
Oh that's good isn't it?
Three steps
You're not going this time.
We are.
Yes we are.
I don't think we 'll get there actually.
Chelsea kicked us out last time.
Chelsea won today.
Yeah I know.
Against the team we lost five one to last week.
Oh you can imagine what it's gon na be like tonight.
What I was glad of, we didn't play poorly.
I didn't think we played poorly.
No you didn't.
You played Manchester United.
Ha ha ha ha
report on the telly?
Yeah they showed you that, yeah.
Have you heard it?
No, we 'll have a look at it, I think Paulie missed it.
Kanchelskis scored that third goal.
It was a really funny goal wasn't it?
I know.
I didn't see that.
I didn't see who scored.
scored the second?
Hughes I think.
What's on?
You 'll have to listen to it then.
Oh
Oh hang on you didn't see no goals you didn't see?
No.
Oh.
Oh I s, it was on telly?
Rewind a bit then.
Right.
I do rewind it.
reading teletext
Oh you were right, McClair Paulie.
Kanchelski
Kanchelskis
Sorry?
Kannchelsk?
Sshh.
Did they tell you how he was?
Did they tell you how he was?
No.
Can we have a look at the, we 'll have a look at the results cos I didn't see er no no not that lot.
Turn all of it off.
Thank you for that bit.
I thought you meant Teletext.
No I thought she caught the film.
Actually there was a little bit, they showed you the four goals on the television so they might show it on the nine o'clock
Where did they, what, when did they show you on the telly?
n news.
No!
Do you know what he was doing in the car?
With the speaker?
I th he thought I didn't, couldn't see.
He was going ooh ooh ooh.
That poor person
What do you want?
on the end of that tape.
What do you want?
I want er
He hasn't got a clue what he wants.
Eh?
.
What do you want?
Let's have one results weekend league programme.
Let's have a look at
One five one
Got the gates on there, look.
Twenty nine thousand.
Is that a lot?
Well apparently it's gone up.
It says in this paper that last they could only
they could only hold twenty seven.
But now apparently there's a, this with this seating or something there's now can hold thirty one.
And it wasn't completely full was it?
Paulie?
No.
So it could just, probably just squeeze th
So Liverpool's got the biggest capacity has it?
They could just get thirty thousand in there.
I think thirty one's a bit
So Liverpool's got the biggest capacity has it?
Oh Manchester United would no Manchester United have er oh at home yeah.
Liverpool can hold about forty two
Manchester City twenty two
That's pretty low
nearly all those were with home fans weren't they?
What?
Well Manchester City versus Wimbledon.
Nearly all those will be home fans.
Wouldn't they?
Yes.
Twenty two and a half thousand!
Ooh.
And Manchester City are doing well don't forget.
I knew, good old Wimbledon.
That's how they stay up.
That's how Wimbledon stay up.
They go up to those games
Nil nil.
and they make it nil nil they've drawn wi, now with Manchester City and Liverpool in two successive weeks, nil nil.
You can not break them down.
that's why we stay quite near the top.
Wasn't it?
Oh!
Well Villa went above us.
Or Villa are above us.
We're sixth.
Yeah I know.
No they can go above us.
They always was above us.
But they're above us on cos our goal average must look absolutely diabolical now.
The goal average must
Paul.
Watch my lips.
It was Wednesday that went ahead of us.
Go and turn the television off in the kitchen please.
Gosh Oldham, good old Oldham.
Did us a favour there then didn't they?
Now!
West Ham did us no favours.
One two ah ee oh ee ah.
Can I have one five two
What do you go like this.
Press the red button.
Cor!
Barnsley beat Newcastle three nil Paul.
What's so weird about that?
Well poor old Newcastle.
What?
Brighton beat Plymouth.
Four nil was the biggest score.
Yeah.
Who won four nil?
Well Tranmere lost four nil at Ipswich.
Oh that was
Southend won again.
They've gone up
I mean who would have thought that Tranmere would have lost four nil?
Who would have thought that when you drew Southend in a cup, you think oh great we 'll thrash them.
They 'll be could be a first division team next season.
How come?
Southend?
They're about fourth or fifth.
Sowfend.
They won again!
Oh Swindon slipped again.
They should have won that, against Grimsby.
That is so unlucky, Ian.
Will they be home by now?
Eight o'clock, they're hoping to get home.
Er yeah I bet
Four nil.
Still.
Poor kids.
Oh I feel sorry for them.
Yeah.
You get used to it if you support Palace but
Shut it!
I was just gon na say, what games have we lost?
We are getting used to it, I mean there was a coup, a sea, last season we had
Five one you lost not long ago!
Yeah but I mean last season we hardly, Paulie and I hardly ever used to come home having lost.
Now we're starting to get used to it.
Now you lot.
What have we lost at home, Paulie, this season?
Come on.
A lot.
Arsenal.
Yes.
Man United.
Is that all?
Oh and you lost
No hang on.
That's the two we've seen.
Have we lost any others?
Oh well we can't complain then, only two.
Are you sure?
Q P R we were preciously close.
Birmingham we were preciously close.
Here you are, programme here.
They hit the crossbar as well.
Oh yeah we lost against West Ham as well.
Yes.
I thought we did.
I was sure, I thou
West Ham?
I know.
That was that was annoying.
We should not have wo, lost that.
You 'll soon be losing against Birmingham.
Birmingham.
Well they there's another stupid mistake here!
Birmingham City L C three R.
They've got us down that we won!
One nil.
Yeah their stat statisticians are going mad.
Yeah.
Statisticians.
Would you like page now?
Yeah, page three.
There were lots of draws.
Thirteen draws.
Oh look.
Birmingham won two nil.
Oh oh.
Look at the gate they get.
Ooh.
I don't really know.
Bury one thousand eight hundred and eighty six people!
Dreadful isn't it?
Who's that with seventeen thousand?
Wow West Brom.
See West Brom, really a first division team.
They shouldn't be in the third division.
the figures is irrelevant isn't it?
Yeah.
The figures are irrelevant.
Tradition that is, West Brom.
Just tradition.
They're getting bigger
Even if they went out the league they'd get that number.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've been a West Brom supporter
They wouldn't be able to afford to keep the ground on would they?
all my life.
What?
They wouldn't be able to afford to keep the ground on if they went out
Well I mean it shows you what marvellous West Brom were.
When West Brom got lost four nil to Woking wasn't it Paulie?
The next round they had West Brom supporters supporting, came down from
Yeah.
Birmingham to support Woking in the next round.
Yeah.
It's pretty good isn't it?
But that's all much of a muchness isn't it?
Nothing over four.
No.
was right.
We er we would have played Tottenham on the night of the Q P R game.
Oh.
I got mixed up with.
He said Q P R.
Did Woking play?
wasn't.
We only played them away.
Yes.
What Woking did play?
Yes well Paulie said they did.
They played
What did they do?
What did they do?
Oh I've got to see what they did.
Got to see what they did.
Two hundred and seventy five people watching.
Oh I thought Woking were
at Gateshead.
I am so desperate to see what they did.
Well that's it.
There aren't any more results.
Hearts won again.
What about one five seven?
There aren't any more results!
They don't have they don't have amateur do they?
Yes they do.
Try can you try number one please.
There's one off for fog.
Fog?
Oh yeah there it is.
Berwick East Ham.
Can you go to number one one five eight.
one five seven.
What would you like dear?
I would like B B C one please.
This is her.
There's
But the Linekers had better go home.
They can't stay and look at the, that child all the time can they?
I mean it's gon na be weeks isn't it?
They've arrested it now haven't they?
There's noth there's nothing on number one about it at all.
Oh.
Sport football
Saturday review.
League table.
Non leagues
Ipswich
Three eight.
Jemson saves the.
Now we should have picked him up.
Why didn't we pick him up?
He just floated over Sheffield Wednesday, honestly.
That 's.
Are you sure Woking?
Should be the next page
Yeah.
The premiere.
This is so I tell you what I 'm gon na run out of here and go boogey boogey
Oh if they've won they've done it.
Five nil!
Oh it just
Five nil.
Oh yes!
They're just walking away with that division.
It's a waste of time.
The whole
Do you know what said to me?
He said
Are they top of that division?
Yeah.
that Enfield, he was going, he said that Enfield would beat them five nil.
That was his words.
Enfield are the second team.
And they've won five nil.
They're about, that that makes them nineteen points in the lead.
Ludicrous!
So what happens?
They go into the Vauxhall league next year?
Yeah, they 'll be definitely in the.
That's in their division five couple of seasons la we could be fourth division team.
Couple of seasons!
If Crystal Palace don't succeed you could be playing Woking.
Shut it.
Love it.
That means if they, they 'll go up this season
Shall we pack up supporting Palace and go to Woking Paulie?
Yes.
I'd pay for that.
I 'll pay for
Very funny.
a Woking season ticket free, for nothing.
I I've done a tu turncoat once already so it's easier for me.
There's nothing on Lineker there at all.
Yet other times
I think we should go and watch Woking more often.
What?
You mean like every other week?
Yeah, when we're not watching
Yeah
No I think I think we should take go to some more Woking evening games dad.
Oh do you?
Yes!
I mean we've never been to it.
Have you ever watched Woking play?
No.
I want to.
Lineker.
The condition of the baby son of England's football is poorly but stable.
That was yesterday 's.
Ah oh that's exactly what the other one said.
Poorly but stable.
That was on six o'clock this morning that was on.
Two people died
Oh.
Can I just watch this please?
Ugh it's Jaws.
It's gross.
Guys getting eaten.
it or something?
No.
You don't need to hear the music.
Ugh that's horrible.
This is a horrible film Jaws.
Look it's got somebody's body in its
It's only a plasticine model.
Gross!
But I I would just like to see how awful the graphic
He's died.
His mate's died look.
I think he's dead.
Ooh!
Gone under.
Took him under.
Oh no!
Can I see?
I I don't mind watching it without the noise.
Gosh quick.
They're leaking.
Please mum.
Oh
That's in the studio.
It's all in the studio isn't it?
Oh no it's not.
I mean the the plasticine sharks are stupid.
Oh the story of this particular one is that it er er they tried to make out that the erm that the the the the shark has actually got something against the human beings on this boat and it keeps chasing them.
Here it comes again.
There's in a studio, that bit.
Look out here it comes.
Look it's gon na knock her right off.
He spots it.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Going through all the previous ones.
These plasticine models are so awful.
Yeah they look gross now don't they?
Oh they are quite lifelike.
Oh god it's broken.
Oh you can see it's a model can't you?
Ugh it's swallowed it.
My stones didn't come out very shiny.
I like these bits where there's a shot which goes down.
So can I start wearing my dressing gown before Christmas then?
No.
It's got to be wrapped up.
So has your, you can't have your song book either till after Christmas.
Oh, I don't mind that.
Ugh the towel's dirty.
Ruthus we're taping.
We're not gon na know the person who's going to listen.
Geoffrey Chaucer's here again.
speaking into microphone
He keeps going Geoffrey Chaucer's here.
But we saw the best bit Paulie.
The last five minutes.
Have you turned it off?
No, it was the last you know the dramatic end that everybody who's been waiting for watching that film from seven o'clock till
that off?
Er?
You haven't turned that off?
No.
Oh.
It records everything Ruthie.
Why is this dirty again?
All of
Yeah mum has got a towel dirty.
I 'm fed up with you.
I keep putting it in there, clean one.
But the towel's for wiping your hands on.
Don't blame me!
It's not my fault.
I 'm just Geoffrey Chaucer.
The famous poet Canterbury Tales.
Where art thou Jonathon.
Where art thou Jonathon.
Do you want to do any jobs.
I've got to finish my quiz off.
Must do that map.
Disgusting, Jaws the movie.
Too gory for Geoffrey Chaucer even.
Paul I think you should go to bed now.
Yeah.
No way dudes.
Busy day tomorrow, yes?
No way dudes.
You've got to be joking.
We 'll wait till the end of the tape and then you can go.
You have got ta be joking man.
Boogey boogey.
Zachramondo dudes.
I think Paulie's invalidating most sides by total and utter gibberish.
Well isn't that what they want to know?
Eh?
What the mental cases in Woking
totally illiterate.
mumalissimo
I used some big words on the way down.
We're Italian now.
Mumalissimo where are you bonjourdino.
Oh Paul don't be silly!
Go to bed if you're going to be silly.
Go and learn your words for tomorrow.
bought one of those stinky old er pine tree things and Paulie ripped the whole wrapper off it
Oh!
Spice.
and we nearly died.
It nearly overcame us.
I bet you did.
It nearly over, we were in danger of going off the road with it.
It was so strong
Why did you let him?
I put it in the boot.
Why did you let him?
I think it 'll have to be put in the garage and then put in the car once a week or something.
Why did you let him do it?
I du n no.
Unsupervised as you would say.
You've got no control over him at all have you?
Oh yeah mum wouldn't have done it would she?
You'd ripped the wrapper before
We had the wrapper off last time.
No we didn't.
Yes we did!
No, you pull it out a bit at a time, not just
No, but we had it off last time.
Yeah the spice was was not nice.
The spice wasn't half as nice as
So it's it's totally wasted then is it?
Totally wasted.
It would have been disgusting anyway.
Is it totally wasted then?
Yes.
Yes.
No well no it's usable.
Absolutely fantastic wastage.
Wimbledon got got the right royal rave.
Watch the super dons flatten the.
The white what rave?
The.
How come they use the same box office, I suppose they would wouldn't they?
Seven seven one.
Oh it must be funny working for Palace at the moment.
You think you're doing well and you get hold of another
Oh I get it.
Royal royal?
Mm.
Joe Royle?
yeah.
Can I watch it, can I read it?
Eh?
No.
Watch, I 'm reading my paper now.
You're always reading it.
Oh look you always get these people we have just witnessed the top London club suffering a humiliating defeat at the hands of.
Oh this looks good, let's see.
Is it horror?
Don't know.
Now you 'll see the goals on this, now.
Because it was on the other B B C one so it should be on this one as well.
You saw them?
Yeah.
All four goals.
When?
Here's a letter that m mistakenly done today.
It says it says it now seems painfully obvious that after our performance at Forest we have reached the stage where teams have finally worked us out.
For some time we've been in a false position and our two games against Birmingham have confirmed this.
Du n no why they're saying this bit.
Steve may explain the game at Saint Andrews was for low to ground players.
Don't well they.
But surely by now we have a squad to deal with such eventualities.
We have clearly lost our way in both fullback positions.
Well that wasn't true today.
Our two fullbacks played the best of the Palace players, I thought.
Both were, couldn't been asked any more of.
Both saved instant goals.
Er both got feet in just as goals were about to be shot and scored.
This is er ob now obvious after it's aft as it is restricting our attacking options.
What possible reason is there for not playing Bodin?
A proven player of international quality who enjoys going forward.
We are told that we have to pay Swindon another fifty thousand if he plays.
But if we went out of the cup it could cost us more in lost revenue.
Come clean Steve.
Swallow your pride.
Play Bodin in the position you bought him for and show off our defence that otherwise will leak goals like two seasons ago.
It's not true.
Bodin's I don't reckon's as good a defender as that.
He's a good passer of the ball have him in the middle.
Well where then?
Du n no.
Well we cou, he might be able to use him if Thomas can't play erm on Tuesday.
I can well believe Thomas won't be fit for Tuesday now.
Not after ricking his ankle like that.
If his ankle's any, half as bad as mine he wouldn't play on Tuesday.
I chose the right Tuesday to go then didn't I?
It wouldn't be very good without Jeff Thomas there would it?
No.
Who do you reckon will be captain then?
He's gon na have steroids for it.
Who'd be captain?
Pardon Ruth.
He's gon na have steroid injections in his
Ankle.
You mean steroid, do you?
Yeah.
She does.
I do, I think.
Aha.
What they, what they deflate your swelling quicker do they?
Yeah.
Yeah who would er be the captain?
Humphreys isn't it?
He's not playing.
I suppose Young would be wouldn't he?
Thorn Thorn's been captain before now as well hasn't he?
Thorn and Young!
Couldn't cr er complain about that.
It didn't look like, you have a look at this goal.
Didn't look like Young's problem.
Put a tape in Paulie just in get a tape quick.
And see if we can tape this th th th last time they showed all four goals.
Clearly B B C
I see, No.
Is this on I T V separate?
Are you there?
Are ready to record straight away, bumph with the record button?
Just a minute.
He wants to do this rap thing doesn't he?
Oh yeah.
I want to
Yeah but still
going all night while you were
Yeah ha.
out Will you chew those?
You've been a very good boy right ha flowers are floppy
We can record one of the party then can't we?
Yep.
You can get loads out of that could you cos people will just forget it.
Yeah so except you've got to list everybody's name.
Yeah but then list the name, then list the
names of the next home tape again they 'll think it's
Yeah but you're supposed to listen to it all off and see.
Oh no ridiculous isn't it!
Well no so they can identify the people, isn't it.
Yeah but then yo er in a party situation you could probably do that in the first minutes couldn't you, I would have thought everybody in th room will have spoken in the first five minutes wouldn't they?
So I've just got ta jot it down quickly then.
Yeah Oh we've got more this time
Yeah well when I saw Alison's lo the flan recipes, I panicked.
Aha.
Right all those need slicing and buttering and putting on there.
Right, better do that then so is that or kilo?
hundred ha there's a tomatoes.
Gosh!
I 'll make some sandwiches can you feel that's soft enough, if you don't like that
This
Well no I got butter
No I 'll put that on it's easier save that for your Mum put them on here did you say?
Yeah
This tray?
Yeah, I 'll just put this out.
I think these flans will freeze so what we don't need
What've they got in them though?
Got any little flags for what they've got in them?
This one is prawn and pepper
Paprika?
Pu no well red pepper with paprika sprinkled on.
Yeah.
And this is egg and bacon and mushroom a little piece of cheese Orville!
Well really, looks like I've only done two each but I think I 'll freeze I 'll only cut two up lovely!
I might be able to eat that where's the little
Want the sharp
black knife?
What do you want the little one for?
You said the black knife, you said.
I said the sharp one this one he's fairly cheap but they use him a lot,.
Alright and don't burn them then.
I think they burn very easy Do you think everyone will dress up today?
Don't cut them completely in half like that.
Well I have.
Well, oh best if you cut them almost to the end like that then butter them and stick them back together again Have I got that cream?
I've sort of forgot about the puddings there's blackcurrant torte up there, can you see?
And I've two
Ooh yeah!
black tiny black forest gateaux, but they're here for tea aren't they so
Well
no need
well yes I do tha you've done this before, that this buffet thing, it's quite nice, people can sort of like, if they're staying they can just say y leave it out and you sa eat whenever you want to really in n it?
Oh Nigel!
I haven't got a pie slice.
So did I hear you say to your Mum that there's gon na be a ra exactly the same rap at a
Well it sounds the same couldn't believe it!
Is there sugar in my coffee?
No sorry, I only put, well you got one I suppose if they know that this rap thing won't last long
It won't last long
will it, so it's all got ta
No
be done this year
she's it could've been saying
well it she could've been done last year but we've not done this year, be gone.
No it's funny unle I Mum says is it something that's just been published this year you know, like if someone just published
No.
and everyone jumped on the bandwagon, or have they all made up their own?
That is the whole point of rap they're completely personal it's a personal rap.
Well Michael says you haven't been to a decent service for six weeks, till back.
So we went so and so, that was dreadful!
We went so and so, that was dreadful!
can put your finger on it though, it it's like it's not what it used to be.
That's it well tha there's Peggy says I said oh well I 'm a bit erm worried about taking them and I said they have been known to get up and walk out, and said, surely not!
But Peggy says well why shouldn't they walk out, if they're that old and they're don't li why shouldn't they get up and walk out?
I thought Peggy, I ah.
I don't think they, they don't walk out of we of er er er er er Por
They wouldn't of, no.
Portis Head there it's too in ten tenuous.
But in a way, I i i is it better for them to walk out than seethe and you know, I sa are you putting a bit much on there?
Tricia says it's not butter Are we exchanging Christmas presents today, did you ascertain that off your Mum?
I don't know not really.
I've got them
No I think sh
We've got ta give them to them today have we Andy and Michelle?
I seem to remember she says she's gon na do that on the fourteenth.
What Christmas presents, same time as the Golden Wedding?
Mm, think so.
What at her rap?
Suppose so give them, I mean I don't think they're gon na be opened then.
Right.
As I said, If I remember right, I said well when are you gon na come and see us before?
She said on the fourteenth, you know and give it to you then.
Well who's gon na come and see us eh?
Mum and what's it and presumably, Michelle and Andy
can give out presents that day as well, can't they, cos they 'll be there.
Mm.
Where do I put the ready?
Well I 'm gon na give Mutty that cake today, just pile them up Do you think twenty four's enough to do to begin with?
I think there is.
There is?
Ju oh.
For twelve people.
Pile them up.
Do twelve egg ones, please.
Should never have told Bill.
was coming with clingfilm but stick the rest in there What are you eating?
Got ta take box to school and I can't be bothered, cos you've got the car tomorrow haven't you?
Mhm a three day week.
You've got the car Friday, and you got the car Wednesday?
this butter's
Cos you're going down to aren't you on Wednesday?
Oh yes.
Or are you not?
Have you sent Val a postcard?
Yes.
Are you going to or not?
I didn't say I'd come and see him
No.
on Wednesday
No.
But I did say, I'd come and say on the the Christmas show so
Well have you sorted out your holiday?
yeah I well I I did say that I was gon na play badminton then go away and sort out that when I see Ian
On the Wednesday?
And have you sorted out your holiday?
How many holidays you got left?
I've only got
No I haven't
two days left
Er yeah I 'm sure I have.
So if you go to the Christmas do on nineteenth then you just bring Simon home with you afterwards, I think don't you?
But you need to tell Zoe.
Right.
Cos he finishes at four o'clock on that day anyway.
Mm.
So you just bring them home at lunchtime or something give him a
Can you do that, yeah?
Yeah we did it last year cos I broke up the day before last year all of mine still at school that day.
Right Got a roll of film for the camera?
What for?
Well don't you need it to be here?
Oh what on the nineteenth?
She go yeah.
That's a long time ahead two weekends to go You ought to see how badly that can't you when you ha ha three bits on there suppose you could do that now couldn't you?
Better than what I 'm doing any of it though.
If you allow a bit like.
Yeah.
I don't think I 'll pie, you're right put out mince pies we didn't win on the pools, I've checked I 'll throw away the coupon or do you wan na see what you got?
Have you checked the aways is it?
Yes, they're all the aways written out on the top B T shareholders, do you want this?
No thank you.
Next week pools coupon?
Yep.
Crystal Palace cam Coppell campaigns.
Mm, keep that where did the C draw voucher go by the way?
Somewhere.
That one being drawn twenty six of November what's that one, that's Park School.
Oh I must see If I can er Bob and Mum not Karen and but Mum.
Does Mike have some er Georgian Hotel, look at that Christmas jokes, Daddy, Eddie's broken my new dog how did he do that I hit him on the head with it Why is Father Christmas unemployed?
Maybe you know that one, cos he got the sack.
We've both seen that one Ruth, is it alright?
Why?
Oh no Fred
With your way you put your foot in it
isn't it, oh yes perfectly harmless no malice meant there at all but you try and convince somebody of that.
Fred it's rude to keep reaching over the table for the mince pies, haven't you got a tongue in your head?
Yes, but my arm's longer Oh it's the Christmas crossword I could photocopy that for the children.
Where do you get that from?
Oh look how about a Christmas customs, I wonder if the answers are in the back what kind of fruit sauce is traditionally eaten with turkey?
Cranberry.
A well known Christmas decoration was the sacred plant of the druids what is an advent calendar?
Was the sending of Christmas cards introduced, one one eight two, one eight four six, or nineteen O three?
Oh let's do that, I like that one
What event does a celebrate?
There's ten questions well look up, what's wanted, can you match these nursery rhyme features with suitable Christmas presents Humpty Dumpty, Old Mother Hubbard, Wee Willy Winky, Jack Spratt, Doctor Foster,
Now that Christmas card one, I 'll have that one.
And there's a nativity quiz, quiz What were swaddling clothes?
Why were the shepherds on a hill side afraid? this is quite a good one shall I
that 'll be the lot.
Erm yeah I expect the answers will be at the back.
Well I 'll do a I know I 'll do a Christmas section then, right?
Mhm mm there's some answers
Oh right,
Christmas clothes how you fill in the blanks, I saw something come sailing by, that's quite good Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating his
Who'd have put Michelle with this, little bit unfair to put Michelle to put between them.
Mutty.
That should be alright then, shouldn't it?
And she's got a child in that book.
Oh right.
Mu, Michelle, Mutty and Michael but on the other hand Michael might have to budge You can change it all I
Done it whe who's Paul with?
With a
No, Paul should go with
Michelle and Mutty.
Mrs Michelle and Mutty, balance it up.
Andrew and Carole you're sure they've got to
Andrew and Carole yes, Andrew and Carole, fine.
What goes oh oh oh?
Father Christmas laughing backwards.
You could put that as in as bu bum question couldn't you, see if anybody gets it, right?
Postman, I have a Christmas parcel but the name on it is obliterated can't be for me then, my name's Jones.
So what is the best way to do, that where you ask the questions, now they did if you could help me out is the when you do one section an you hand all your papers in somebody else marks them
Well you don't need a lot of room, yeah just pass it around
Ah but no what they did is somebody else marks them while the the next round was going on for
Well no you it'd have to be you
and then they announced
that marked it, you couldn't do that you'd
could
have to pass them round and mark them instantly then start the next section.
Would you, why?
Well cos what person could then be lying around waiting to mark the answers?
Oh I see yes.
You've only got one quiz master.
Oh I see, yes, that's right Well let them mark their own I mean who's gon na cheat?
Alright
It's a bit confusing in n it, swapping the papers round?
Where's the plum in this plum pudding?
Would you expect to find a dog in the plum pudding Milly, what did you get that ten P for?
Tilly, carol singing, Milly, and what did you fifty P for?
Tilly, stopping Right I won't look at the answers.
Now I can't go oh no!
What?
I can't give that oh oh oh, can I, cos you're in the blinking quiz!
Come here!
That says staff library, please return on it I didn't look it, I didn't look at any answers for the questions.
Can't do the oh oh, that was funny now you 'll know it!
You are daft, honestly!
Well you could just leave it out!
What do you me why am I daft it wasn't one of
You
the questions, it was one of the jokes!
You didn't say stop reading out the jokes.
I wouldn't ever stop, cos you
well how would you have known then, you wouldn't have waded through the whole book looking for it, would you?
There aren't the hours in the day, ten to eleven, your Mum's coming at half past twelve.
Half past twelve.
Knowing her, quarter past twelve.
So I 'll take from whatever you gi can't get caught for that one.
What?
Someone played that accidentally you can't use that!
Knowing your Mum is a served you right!
She's been getting quite a lot of in our jokes over a couple ha!
Oh he's forgotten his cool dude glasses.
Oh dear.
Oh, my Mum rap he's going to cool dude, cool dude.
I mean if you told her, put a C in front of it and that's what it is.
What?
Rap.
Oh
She wouldn't understand our line of
No.
Crap, what's that?
Crap?
You should of let
think what you have to do Mum, so you ought to say, when they say rap, you can say that it's crap
and she heard it, it's crap.
You think, how can somebody be on the earth, I mean
And not have
you don't have to appreciate do you, oh yeah
But there's probably more people who don't know what rap is, in England, than do think about it.
Yes I suppose so.
I bet there are.
I reckon there's a lot of parents
Load of single people over the age of thirty.
know or at least sh they don't it's called rap I've this Yen da da day dan dan dan da day I mean
We mustn't he's got really, really if it's not done well it's a it's worse than not doing it all.
Well the bad ones are as when the kid do it themselves isn't it?
They make up the words themselves, right
Yeah
whereas Paul's
an the
been having some kind of direction there, hasn't he, I mean at
Yeah.
however nauseating, it does all make sense, doesn't it?
Right, does it?
Actually it not an easy thing to, it sounds easy, but it's not an easy thing to do.
No I don't did one it did, you heard the little boy that's not getting on at home dreadful
You turned it off?
No there's one on the teachers are picking on him
Are they?
surprise, surprise
Ah the kids deserve
come on you no course teachers will pick on him, the only secondary school teacher that John he walked round with him he might have shot out of there
That was all about
backside!
that was only because he was like transferred there I thought that
Well
he was gon na tone do, he had to tone
well
down when he was
he obviously hasn't and I think it's really funny!
Or a Christmas
Pompous!
Yes.
Ooh I could of gone
I mean he should
he should have gone to private school shouldn't he, really but then
Well probably the Dad would but he
No I don't think they can afford it.
The irony is, I don't think all the time, they are as pompous they give an air pomposity don't they?
Yes I know, I think Jeremy is quite
I don't think that Dad is at all, but
No, it's just how they appear.
And how you were brought up, I suppose.
How I was brought up, but a no one's ever called me pompous I mean, the way walks around as if he owns the place, I think it's really funny!
And I don't suppose he's made, didn't have very many friends, did he, really, at Goldsworth?
I mean Paul was one of his friends he never had that many so that probably means he finds it hard to make friends, you can tell
It's just as well Paul didn't go with him, cos Paul would've been singled out as well.
Yeah.
Teachers always think right, he's with him, he's a new
Yep.
you know, identify with it, even if you don't portray those feelings.
Well I 'll tell you this once and then
Who told you that then?
Ooh who told me I think it came from Great Grandma and then told her.
That's if you were interested.
Well impeachable source but I there's no smoke without fire and everything else I've heard I've got to set this table.
You can't please them, that Paul managed to get the school team and he can't
Ha Well he said he'd probably get on alright at Horstell that's the irony of it wasn't necessary for him to go to Winston
Do you think Mel would, I would of thought Melanie might have been the type t to sort of li be lenient on that, you know,
What different schools?
Yeah, sort of say well
Well I mean Phillip wanted to go to Winston.
Oh.
I am making a mess!
Urgh!
Should of left, Rufus.
Well I did leave the other one how long do you leave it?
I'd have should of left it till.
I think Moira's gone to church I think she has.
Well I might not Peter's entire office dip switch Trev.
Well I I thought oh go and watch the telly and I 'll send Paul round when he gets back right, I 'll take these two mugs to school, those with the on what did you do with the other one?
It's got quite well spiders on, but at least you feel they're being used we don't get
Yeah.
enough out of Ha Oh drink two, four, six, eight, ten, there's enough bowls for ten people to have fruit salad.
That's your lot.
That's your lot that through how many seats there in the front room?
One, two, three, four five six, seven, eight no one, two three, four there's nine so we 'll probably have to take some stools in, but I won't take them in till the last minute.
When do I add the drink in?
Well what needs to be cold that's out there?
What we having?
I haven't got a clue, it's up to you there's a box of wine that's been in the fridge for about six weeks!
We 'll have that, that's quite a good one I think, though.
Yeah.
That's Sainsbury's Muscadet we 'll have that.
Yep.
So there's white wine I 'll put these two in the fridge, so there's sparkling orange and there's Sainsbury's Cascade put a Kiri er what does Karen have, Appletise
Appletise.
is it?
Put that in the fridge, there's room in the fridge now have you put an Appletise in the fridge?
In fact you could bring quite a bit of it in and put it in the fridge.
Are you going to change?
Oh you have changed.
Bloody cheeky moo!
Well those you're gardening trousers.
Oh they're alright, they go nice.
Right, I 'll put some make up on Just read them straight out the book can't you?
No I was gon na re write them down though.
I 'll mark them there.
Yeah but you'd mark the ones you know, Ruthy!
I haven't!
Where's the answers?
In the back of the book How many sections have you got altogether?
Three so far.
What pictures?
Two pictures and a map countries it's Africa so you're you're gon na do quite well Ruthy.
You're joking, there's about fifty countries in Africa aren't there!
look at it, I find it makes them easier because I think there's gon so that's gon na be quite hard isn't it, I 'll
Do mix the countries or
Eh?
is it just South Africa?
Well what if they the Burkina Faso
Oh no I haven't been that that bad but I reckon I've
Well what are they like?
I've done some that i the pe
I mean you're in the middle of a country
I've given them er question mark on the shape of the country it's a map but the ha what I think is easy, I du n no I mean to I mean I look at maps all day long, so
Well I can't place very many, all I've placed are the ones in the middle that I used to live in I could probably place Zambia, Malawi Zimbabwe whatever the Conga is now called, I don't even know what that's now called that's about my limit, Ghana Nigeria, might be able to place if it's geographical features I could place more how many countries have you given then in Africa?
Twelve.
Fwoar!
I won't cheat, go and look it up oh we're working in pairs though aren't we?
Mm that's what I mean, I y we found that with four, is even more so, what some people were strong on others weren't and it it worked round you know, if you picked your team right everybody would thought perhaps it was better to have one woman in the team or, you know, if you had four women
Yeah.
have one man in the team it i i it's
Have you prizes?
No.
Why not?
What we got, what can we get, what can I get?
Well you've really got have something, in case o
What you looking at the questions!
I 'm no, you know my eyesight, I can't see that.
It's just walk over there and talk to me please.
Pardon?
You need three prizes, three in case it's a team of three that win how about buying three Toblerones?
Right.
I 'll send Paul to get them I don't think I've got three of them in the house Surely you don't have to write them out.
Well I it's easy isn't it?
Hope Adrian's in a good mood You haven't seen what work he's doing at the moment then, how does he know?
Quick look at the tape ooh what's this?
Bet you couldn't cut all those pictures off.
Oh yeah.
That's Michael Caine s oh not it isn't Pamela Bordes, I thought it was Michael Caine's wife Oh there's Michael Caine's wife, oh they do look similar
Strewth! oh that's too easy isn't it?
Eleven eighty two, eighty oh
Why?
What the Christmas card one?
Mm.
It was Victorian times wasn't it?
Or make three different dates for it.
Oh yes.
Oh I 'm not just a pretty face I don't remember what dates it has, make up three appropriate dates So they're both coming at half past twelve, yeah?
Roughly will they come in three different cars?
Next week's dress rehearsal.
Alright, we're going next week.
I 'm not if I've still got this cold.
You won't have that cold next week.
It's not worth me going, I 'll see how I feel, sit there snivelling always.
So it might be alright for Mum and Dad?
What?
What might be alright?
What might be alright?
Well if there's no rap, it might be alright for Mum and Dad.
There will be a rap.
There will be a rap?
Can I have one of these please?
Mum?
Yes.
Thank you.
There will be a rap?
Well what are they gon na cancel then?
Nothing nothing
Come and watch.
So you got ta go next week for a dress rehearsal an if you want me to.
I don't need them for that.
Well what costume do you need for your dress rehearsal?
And when will they let you know whether it's cancelled or not?
er
What are you eating?
Woh!
Woh! ah
Win a lot of toys?
No.
So who else is in it, apart from you?
I du n no, don't care, don't want to know!
Oh take some Anadin, you 'll feel better.
No I won't I've got ta stay away from them.
Well we changed your group, by the way.
What?
Daddy said, you should be with Nanna and Adrian.
I was with Nanna and Adrian.
No Daddy said you should be with Michelle and Mutty.
Why do I Nan and Adrian?
Well cos erm some of the questions are sort of, English questions.
So what?
Well Michelle's not English.
Well Mutty is.
Yeah but Mutty's old won't understand all the rapping.
Paulie looked at one of the questions!
He didn't.
alright I 'll si
Well you should go in the front room cos I've got the test papers to write.
No I 'm here!
Where is my cardy?
Where's a pen?
It's ridiculous!
Cos I had a pen here.
There's one
Don't look at y, he's looking!
Oh he isn't!
Dad I 'm not looking.
Well go, you go over you can eat it over there
go on.
I wan na sit on the couch, how can I
No go on Paulie cos I can't
Why can't you do it in the front room then?
Eh?
Why do
Cos there's a table here.
Is that, I will move on a table then!
Don't turn round take something for your si cold.
Then I'd have to turn round wouldn't I?
But keep away from Pucker.
I might as well be like a
Don't turn round.
Go to bed.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
You 'll enjoy it when they get here it's cold isn't it?
No it's not.
Why do you pu, Michelle knows loads of things.
Yeah but she might not know English Christmas traditional questions.
Yeah.
If I were you I'd much rather be with Michelle and Mutty Michelle's very clever.
Well exactly, so why does she need me?
Cos you might win Ferrero Rocher don't want that one over there.
Just give me the.
won't.
You forgot to put new tapes in the recorder last night.
What new tapes?
New batteries rather.
Did you put them in?
Yes go and see on Teletext see if Gary Lineker's son's died.
Oh Ruth!
What gon na die?
Well no I mean I want to know.
Not gon na die that quickly.
Oh yes he is.
He's only got leukaemia.
He's only thirty one, Gary Lineker.
That's sick Mum!
You can't think like that Has he died yet, sounds like you're waiting for him to die!
Paul, that is not what I meant!
Well it was so said wasn't it.
See how he is, if you prefer Wogan's been axed.
Oh yeah.
It lost half its ten million since it started a speculator for BBC wants to buy This is Your Life and Thames the seven o'clock with Wogan as host it's a
On
This is Your Life?
a week That's alright then, that means he alright, good The Queen Mother fell over yesterday got up again.
What what what what's in the house.
Say that again.
Queen Mother fell over
What what what's in the house.
yesterday, how old is she, ninety two?
Might be a bit older than that.
Ninety three?
Doesn't say about time she retired Mm mm ha In our report, headed the burden slaves, on October the thirteenth we mistakenly a picture of Vidalia Oberia in place of Mrs Filamenia Agassi typical Daily Mail!
Why did it all go wrong?
Why did what go wrong?
Well
Is it hard to cut?
And for your next complaint!
Is it hard to cut?
Yes.
That one looks good hey ya pow hey ya.
Junior doctor held his held his finger on a neck wound.
Urgh!
Er what happened?
Why did he have to keep it there for three hours?
Why couldn't they get
I 'm sure someone else could of dealt with it better as a
No but I mean why did it take three hours to get him to surgery?
An awful
What happened?
long time doesn't it, before anybody did anything A junior doctor held his finger in a stabbed policeman's neck wound
God!
for three hours with a sur as the surgeon battled to save his life well I'd have thought they could have plugged wounds with something other than a finger!
Oh alright don't keep talking about it please.
Urgh!
Ha ooh just with umbrella stuck his finger right in.
This three inch wound, look at him, look at his scar!
Ah.
It's a take it away it's making my eyes water.
Is the front door shut Paul?
Du n no.
There's some Vauxhall advert the choice buy a Nova with a good deal or very little doesn't make sense does it?
Kevin?
Costs
What doesn't make sense?
Well it's another Vauxhall ad but it doesn't make sense buy a Nova with a good deal or very little.
No but do you know what it means?
A pun.
Well what does it mean?
It's a pun, they always have puns, I don't know what it means yeah but one of those charts are wonky though the other one
In fact they are on all of them, looks silly doesn't it?
Are you giving me your cold?
Mm, hope so but at least it won't be me my selection er er er er er errr gon na let my was there any post, Mum?
Paul this is Sunday, do we have post on a Sunday?
No, no, no.
Have you done all your homework, you can go and do half an hour's homework quite usefully couldn't you?
Yes.
Have you done it all?
Oh well done.
Skilful Joe.
Hardly.
Got to have that Dils doo dee doo doo doo I 'll go and change I 'm gon na let my hair go down am I not wearing a football shirt?
I hope not.
Can I change into it in the evening?
Oh yeah because this looks cool total just mod cons Mum Bang!
So what would you rather me wear, this or that white shirt thing?
That 'll do.
What this?
It's better than the red and blue one Half of primary pupils will not work on their own traditional teaching is best ten year study shows modern class, failing children.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo La la la la la la ah doo doo doo doo doo doo doo da boung boung boung boung
Suppose su some of these questions you 'll remember won't you?
da da da da da now now now now now now
Well they've all played as well so they might remember.
you got ta love my people now.
taking English Grammar at best, taught to the whole class thank you I think I 'll cut that out and take that in.
We need some tonic water Kevin, is that in the garage?
Mhm.
Could make some out of Soda Stream if you're desperate.
Oh I think we will make it out of Soda Stream to begin with do you want to make a bottle Paul?
Sure Don't na na na
Get the middle size bottle, make a middle size bottle full of
We haven't got a middle size bottle.
Well look harder.
We haven't.
Well what's happened to them?
Oh hang on this will be it.
Paul try just s middle
Not eh!
I 'm not looking, I 'm not looking oh put it away Dad!
Oh knowing your Dad, doing on the last minute!
I know we should be
Well where have the middle sized Soda Stream bottle gone?
I 'm not allowed to look anyway.
Well make the little one Paul.
Could at least put something over it!
Ah here it is hang on a second while I rinse it out.
You're not telling answer Got the bottles of Coke out yet?
Only one bottle.
Only one bottle of Coke out there.
Yeah.
You got any share money hanging over you still or have you paid everything?
Well it depends if I get these shares I bought yesterday or not.
What shares you bought yesterday?
British Telecom.
I told you!
I did, I did, I've got ta go and get my British Telecom money!
You said oh yes.
What you said was I am going to pay in these various cheques and if there's a big queue I 'll come straight out
No, no, no
and I said why should there be a big queue and you said because cos it's a B T share offer.
Yes no I said I 'm getting my B T's in offer in haven't got them.
off of B T.
Well when I went past Britannia to see if you were there, there was nobody in it.
Yeah
Not got Coke.
Halifax was out the window, yes
Mm there was nobody in there
there was about
So if I meet a big queue
I du n no it was about to shut wasn't it at the same time and it it was like well it's worth gon na get them.
I must have missed you, cos if I went past Britannia, and I thought ooh they 'll probably still be in there
Technically I suppose
if you get inside the shop before the time closes they they're on a bet
They all stand by the door don't they?
Just but, once you as you long as you got in before twelve o'clock
Yeah you'd be alright I think it might be twelve thirty round about twelve fifteen, Britannia isn't it?
Anyway it's
Twelve o'clock, Britannia.
But he looked across to us and saw us and then he really cheesed off with me we he di he virtually sat
Well that's why you went to Britannia's in n it, isn't it?
Okay?
We had to put our three hundred and twenty pounds.
We haven't got three hundred and twenty pounds.
I hope you 'll save that two hundred for your Mum's golden wedding
Ah.
booze I am cold.
Mum?
Yeah.
Is it the one of the right or the left or one that's got his finger in.
Paul, the one on the left is Kenneth Baker the one on the right is a policeman neither of those is a junior doctor.
Sorry.
Not worthy of a photograph I shouldn't think There's the Queen Mother again, doesn't say how old she is There is the picture of the doctor, mind you he doesn't look like a junior doctor, he's Pakistani and he looks about fifty!
Mr Ujam
Ooh Ujam, Ujam, Ujam look at this Mum.
What's this?
The florists were alright.
Look at these three.
Nice flowers.
A
So it is.
He's seen the light.
Sheila's buying an Amiga.
Sheila who?
How many Sheilas do you know?
What this Christmas?
Sheila Sheila
Sheila.
When?
Oh no!
This is ridiculous!
Great, no way unbelievable!
I 'm not swapping anything with her they ended up bringing back my games!
We get one, oh I must get one as well.
When they getting them?
She pro they buying it as a joint family present this year.
Oh.
Then each child's only allowed ten pounds worth of presents apart from that you look dreadful!
Why don't you go and lie down for half an hour?
Don't believe this!
Take some Anadin.
Why them!
They got
Paul there's probably a million Amigas in the country.
Is that why you erm that's quite only not.
about that, I think you've got a totally illiterate person, no doubt Actually she said nine tenths certain going to get an Amiga but they might get an Atari.
Well Atari's no good they're games
It's not a computer.
They only want it for games do they?
No well there's all different Ataris aren't there?
Oh yeah, is that right Paulie?
Yeah.
These are supposed on the side don't you?
No three hundred.
Well that's cheaper.
Oh, is it?
What
Pauly showed me this this thing, the game thing for Atari where you li disk pack what's it called Paulie?
What?
Ray's getting.
Oh that's not Atari, that's Sega.
Sega.
Sega Megadrive.
Megadrive.
Yeah.
It's got a
They have to the Atari, right you load this in a word processing in a path games are venture and the sound is much better than Amiga on the Amiga er the graphics are better on the Amiga and but the Atari ST is slightly easier to program.
What is the point of mouse?
Makes it pretty it improves it's just a mou, you know mouse mat you got them at school.
Yeah but what is the point of it?
How do you know I've got mouse mays at school?
Yes you have, you know what you run your mouses along!
I haven't got one.
You haven't got one y know, quite cheap just mats that they they ah I've got forgotten what the word is for it they make the mouse improves the performance of the mouse see
Do
the ball at the bottom, the rolly ball as it picks it up easier stops them, you don't scratch the bottom of it.
Ah.
How do we know which is for tea and which isn't?
You can eat anything there for lunch and I 'm going to put sandwiches and cake out for tea.
Where you doing, where are the sandwiches?
I haven't made them yet, I 'll be making them this afternoon, yet more work to do I can't really make them now.
Why not?
Oh!
With twenty five we're likely to die falling off a ladder than you are to die from AIDS.
Having been up a ladder, only I could see how easy it is, you could fall off a ladder as simply as anything.
Yep.
Excuse me.
What.
I hope the tape picked that up Dad.
Yes I 'm sure it probably did I just thought Paul, go to the corner of the front room Paul and take something for that.
I 'll take another sausage wow!
Don't take one with bacon round it.
It's much more warmer in there.
That lounge.
Did you make this?
No.
Oh.
Why do I only I allowed to have your cold?
Erm, you'd better keep away from Papa.
Can't keep away from everybody.
Don't breathe over them and don't make it so obvious.
What else am I supposed to do?
Right, let's try the crossword, fish of carp family, don't know, middle in a cracker,
Portuguese enclave in China, Daddy will know that.
Pardon?
Portuguese enclave in China, begins with M
Er oh yes Macau.
How many letters has that carp one got?
Five Ancient models
plaice
of a Spanish Peninsula the young eel is an alba plaice, Paul has not got five letters.
Yes it has, no it hasn't.
Begins with T, I expect it's tench
trout trout.
well I think tench and carp are the same family kind of orange navel naval, navel navel King Tyle who assisted Solomon in the building of the temple
King Tyle
Doubt it.
Religion revealed through Mohammed.
Er Islam.
Oh thank you Paul.
That's not..
I think it's hair what's the ancient name for the Spanish Peninsula
The border.
Any letters?
yeah it ends in I A, and it might begin with O it begins with a vowel kind a it's a lu the Russian walk out it's got a Z in it.
Oh that's Agaza Agat
No something U something Z something something
Something U mm
Not bolshoi is it, how do you spell Macau?
M A C A U.
O?
I thought it was M A C A U, Macau.
I thought it M A C A W.
Oh no.
You would.
Yes it might I've seen it spelt both ways.
Well maybe no it cos it'd be
Nothing
bolshoi if it was O.
It's W
Yeah bolshoi's right so which one is it then?
O.
Mm I've seen it a U as well I must admit.
I thought it was
Right
holiday
you done it.
the something something meetings of spiritualistic phenomena seance.
Yo
Ooh Dad give us a bit.
Exam papers turn over your papers now do not look can't start yet.
Read them out Mum I can't get them easily.
Bird, female of the ruff style of architecture prominent during the reign of Louis the f fifteenth.
How, what word has it got?
Nothing words of songs, lyrics?
Birthplace of Saint Theresa.
Rome
County in Eire.
Cork.
Cle something.
Cle r
Scrooge's late partner, Marley
I 'll go and play that.
one of the gospels, Mark?
Bird, female of the ruff, I think it's a grouse nest of a bird of prey
Hawk, falcon
no, nest, one who manages another's business agent
Oh I know that er a ki kirey isn't it e earring
so it's not a rouse what is a bird, female, oh it's a reath the American buffalo
Bison bison.
Very good
What a county in Eire beginning with C L cl
Clare
Clare, County Clare.
Look it up.
style of architecture
Done it.
with Cocoa I've done it.
What that say again?
Style of architecture with cocoa.
Oh.
What is name of it?
of the largest of the continent must be Africa but it doesn't fit.
Asia.
Oh Asia the largest continent birthplace of Saint Theresa
Erm
India
Syria.
doesn't fit where's Mother There Saint Theresa born?
Not Mo
Syria.
not Mother Theresa.
No, Saint Theresa.
It is India in n it?
Don't fit got ta be something I something A
Something I something A
Something something I something A
Shakespeare comedy, the mister of something
Temptress.
Is it?
Vinchenti Blasgo something writer of the four Sailor, not an officer.
Tree with shrub with white or yellow flowers
Daffodil
No right I've done all I can, you can finish it off.
I 'm still cold!
Okay
Well you can do it.
We 'll get hot.
Vincent Blasgo what Dad?
Vi Vincent Vasco de Gama
No!
Blasgo!
He wrote the Four
He wrote the Four Gentlemen and a
something B something N something
Ah these are disgusting!
I 'm hungry.
those
Take them ou out of circulation then if they're disgusting.
What?
Ah people might like them.
Get away!
Urgh they're the ones that smell like bad fish!
You've had it before.
You're not wrong no I've done some before, urgh!
Pu clean them away, people won't like them!
Yeah a lot of people will your Mum might Nigel Kennedy, look at the Aston Villa club shots.
Oh yeah.
Football is the unifying part of my life, it is of equal importance to the music
He 'll grow out of that one day.
I love anything, claret and bu blue he's a Senior Vice President of the club and he's got Aston Villa boxer shorts and Aston Villa pyjamas on one visit
to the shop he spent four hundred pounds.
What?
Nigel Kennedy's been known to spend more than an hour in the shop after a game, on one visit he spent four hundred pounds.
The shop sold Aston Villa t-shirts, sweatshirts and slippers to bikes, Nigel has examples of most.
It's got a bit serious he admits, I've got the logo on my.
My girlfriend's a Villa fan but isn't always happy about it especially when I suggested painting the bedroom claret and blue.
His violin case which houses the seventeen thirty f
You're really clo clobbered with that though, it really smells like bad feet you smell like you haven't washed your feet I think you better clean your teeth where are those crisps take them away.
They're disgusting!
No Dad.
That's two you've eaten now
They're
that's the first thing someone's gon na think is that her feet smell!
They won't think that
Kevin
you've eaten some cheese crisps.
there's two of those, so throw them both away there's two of them.
It really smells like I haven't been near a bath for a month.
What's so bad?
Wooh!
They must be the ones that Mum had been eating when you I came in.
Can I just have a smell?
You I haven't, I just opened them.
I can't smell anything
Right when you eat them?
When you bite them it smells like
Put bigger ones
in there.
Parmesan cheese.
Well that's alright there they are.
They don't they don't smell so bad compared with the other ones do you want one Dad?
Nope oh they're delicious!
No break them Right you want me to go and get the other drink in now, you say?
Yep.
Where's Paulie's big blow up straw, the copying was it, was it over here?
Behind the chair.
Which chair?
That one?
Ooh!
Yeah.
Oh wah yo do do do do do do.
I 'm so cold.
Bye Dad, got ta go, see you later.
These Paul I 'm supposed to be writing all.
That was these Twiglets are stale as old Harry.
Twiglets?
Mm.
Take some Anadin Paul here's a couple of Anadin feel better, honest Paul.
Alright no not Anadin.
Why?
They make me sick.
Oh what?
Oh well, what else you got?
Paracetamol.
Let's have a look not solubles you've got some Hang on just gon na there's one.
It's all football where's that one then?
That's all I got.
Hello
Hello
all you got
Mm.
That's good.
Ordinary Anadin won't make you sick.
Tip it in whole Only one
They're gon na be late now because we insisted on them all coming.
Like that.
Say half twelve bomb or something.
So when's this Wogan thing packing up then, do you know?
Does say, doesn't it forgotten where the was.
somebody snow, I'd really like it.
Boursin.
I can't see them letting Wogan
Boursin
go though can you?
They 'll do
It can last for so long people
do something else.
the mind boggles.
What do you want me to do with this?
Put it on the hall stand please.
Oh is it, is it one of
after two at tea time.
Put that heater on then would you that one on for a while just before they come.
besides the fact that I've got a headache.
So will our quiz done have you a got a pad or something?
Yes your father's got a plan.
Dad put me with
After lunch.
We 'll eat
After
fairly soon
Mm.
We 'll eat stra virtually fairly soon and then let them have a look at them.
After everybody drinks when they first come in yeah?
Mhm.
No le let them have sort of like a half an hour talk before you announce the quiz straight after that let all their stomachs go down and then sort of get
If we let we can
No
judge that Paul.
wait forty five minutes cos then you wan na catch all their er speaking don't you on a tape?
Well we 'll see.
So what these these are new aren't they?
Mm I don't use them every day because they began to fray.
Well where are they?
Don't
Yeah that guy's chest looks what he's been through.
Oh what yeah, horrid in n it?
Like a rag doll.
If you think another person did that to him.
No you don't do on purposely do those beautiful cuts like that across there they did that
What?
The doctors did all that all he had was in the leg.
No but someone had a crack at him.
The doctor, yeah yeah.
Don't get people thrashing people
Isn't that awful about Stoke on Trent's garden thing?
What?
That that was before and look at it now.
What happened to it?
Been allowed to
don't look very good before now.
Where were those taken?
There.
Yeah.
Shall I move these spirits and video star out the way then?
Yep put it them by the videos on one of the shelves.
What's this video doing here?
I du n no probably my husband.
Are you gon na want to record anything tonight?
Erm du n no go and look and see what's on telly tonight.
Did you bring your tape in Dad?
Don't record on that car rally one, that's Trevor 's.
Hasn't he taken?
No.
What is it here for?
Dad?
Daddy's going to watch it.
You put Lombar Lombard R A C rally on
Rubbishy magazine.
That's a pretzel glass isn't it?
Mr Pickford
That's what well Kevin gave me that slip.
Kevin why did you give Michelle that glass cos I didn't wash those glasses, I didn't wash those glasses.
Oh dear ah ah ah ah
was such a
ah ah ah ah and there was a piece of metal in it!
Piece of metal in it.
Oh that's the one where you put the when it was being done.
checking that!
Oh yeah
That's on my feet.
How did you take the?
Well he gave me the!
Oh dear!
What made you think that?
Oh maybe he liked the so much.
Do you want some more of this,?
No
No.
thanks.
So you thought yo you ate frogs legs?
Have you tried the
Did you Kev?
seafood one?
Lovely shrimps in it.
I thought we were leaving Bill at home.
Did you he did you see that
Does anybody want a drink top up?
programme last night about
Yes please, yeah
this er
French firm?
Vodka
about the French what did they do
with the other half of the story!
Want a drink?
Michael
Can I have a Coke please?
I might have
Yep
the fish, I think, do you think?
Yep in a minute
Yes.
You okay there?
Are you gon na have some?
Yes alright, I 'll have some.
Pet don't look so serious.
Sorry?
That would of made a good conversation, why did you give Michelle the glass?
You're standing on my chair.
I think it's very rude of her
Move!
given me a dirty glass.
Sorry am I a
Oh sorry oh don't sit on it!
Like the shoes Paul.
I think you've caught him out.
Oh yes.
I think that taking the mickey out of them.
Will it come out.
No sometimes it sticks to you.
Go round the sitting room with it on your feet!
You know that list of flowers
Accurate
Has it
yes.
I've never seen it flower
If it
I 'm not very good at them Mum gave me that one it's been in quite good condition but
It has to be watered, water all the time.
I mean look I've killed it
Where did you get your Christmas cactus?
Mm from Croydon
Had a
Nice one.
a knot she had a she had one is it Papyras you call it don't you.
Umbrella plant we call them.
Oh Pap Papyras
Why?
That's the word.
I think the Egyptian used to use that to write tha to write on.
Oh.
Mum's just telling me about her erm
Like a quill
Well I erm
thing?
this
Michelle have you got another dirty glass you want to replace
from Beatons, Safeways, no thanks.
Yes I would no, I'd like another dirty drink
Enjoyed that one so much!
Dad, Dad I 'll put all after I've done one side of this we 'll do the quiz then.
Sad about er Gary Lineker's baby.
Alright yeah.
Yes
Cheers.
Fine
It did work.
Same drink Michelle?
Only little children
Then what?
Yes.
Get them in.
That's what I wanted to take the little
Strange thing is this is why he's never because that home environment
It's very nice.
Do you know what my
er
mother does she was gon na let her
he regrets
know her net curtains are all along her window, he had them in the front of the house and oh
because he
down their very advanced
Paul!
One of these ones?
Really huge
I 'm I 'm silver, I 'm not very good
Thank you
at drawing.
Isn't it a shame Mum about Gary Lineker's baby.
Oh yes.
Yeah very sad.
But if I was you know you're not
No you can't
Let me out!
cos he's friendly with Jose Carreras, the Barcelonian
And and also with Botham, cos Botham does that with do that walk for the er
Mm th that w one wonders, you see, because he he had a lot to do with Jose Carreras when he was ill and you wo
Mum,
cos there is a school of thought that they can be a virus that starts it
Mm.
He's going to do another run, Ian Botham for leukaemia
Mm.
research.
Must have been dreadful that though
But it only strikes on two babies a year, two babies in England
He does you know
Couldn't it be helped?
Mm.
So sad.
But they say e even if he came out very
prognosis though
su successfully it'd be five years
I would of thought so, hope so.
he's clear.
Yes but the prognosis of a baby at that age isn't good.
They don't?
No.
Look at the Mountbatten's little girl.
Yes but she didn't have leukaemia so quickly.
Oh did she?
Oh I thought
Excuse me just because the tape's on there's no need for you to use big words like prognosis.
Yeah.
Is it on, this?
Yeah.
How do you know it isn't on?
No it's not on at the moment, cos Paul
No.
turned it off.
I didn't.
Have you turned it on?
Now it's made it all go quiet hasn't it
Yeah.
eh?
I ain't gone quiet
Oh I
Let me take those
washing up this morning washing up
Are you sure you're alright, he said I just said oh.
er oh just a little bit.
No I am
Just talking about the tea room.
Yeah actually he was supposed to say to Jeff
Say about that
there was this job.
You won't now because they got the hospital to build on.
Doesn't really take
Wednesday nights.
They're I've never seen anything in that bowl.
Do you want another honey?
That's Appletise
Oh er anything what this one here?
Yeah but wasn't it
We've got their Mum gave us a French dictionary, but my is the in French now they can't get The number of English words there are in there it's
So get learning
amazing
yeah but
the thing is actually giving up
Happy
They are really English words they erm I can't think of something now but I mean
I bet I could
The only one I can think of is
Oh yes, did that at the beginning for for a long time.
For a fortnight.
You don't have to play for a fortnight, do you?
Mm I think cousin I do I will say cousin actually, it's all same.
We 'll two.
There are quite a few cos I did that in my Norman project.
Did you hear about say
The English is the same isn't it?
ne next week on Sunday, the Danish Embassy
Oh?
Pu our own Putney has been awarded the medal of honour, sixth highest medal of honour for erm services to the Danish industry and he's coming over and they're having a a caviar and champagne reception at the Danish Embassy and now the Queen of Denmark Queen Margarite is coming over.
Ooh
I don't read Turkish.
Ooh I say yeah.
They are all invited.
They were going out for a west end meal in the evening.
That'd be nice oh lovely.
But Karen thinks
when was that?
Next, not this Monday, next Monday.
Karen thinks we 'll all be three black crows we've all got black.
Yeah we're all wearing black!
very funny!
If in doubt, wear black.
Well Cynthia went somewhere the other day and there were so many pe people in black it was like a doomsday
It's come back again, hasn't it?
Yes.
Why is that then?
Why?
You've got black on, but this time you wear it I mean it's
Purple took over for a while, ha.
Mm.
My, it's so weird now, I 'm borrowing erm she's got a a a blue, no it's not a blue plaid it's not really a scarf, it's bigger than that
Throw over.
yeah,
Like a wrap thing.
which she got from Ireland
Don't know about this.
her Mum bought it for her er pure wool
over there
it's electric blue, so I've got to wear the with.
Oh I say
Oh and that's gon na be
But when I take, I can't wear that in the embassy because it will be too hot.
Oh yes I know Mark.
yesterday, cos it laid on its fluff on you.
See
it's not smooth, it's not that I don't think it does.
The car's ours.
I mean it's
Does Mum
I quite like actually it does
it's really funny I just when I wan na be simple it's just like I 'm gon na break down in front of a man yeah and they just got, cos they're mean
Her mother gave it to her when she went over there
Yes.
a bright blue and er I bought that
Really.
on the M forty five.
Mm.
And Adrian bought me for my birthday erm
earrings the so I 'm going to wear a pearl necklace and pearl earrings on
We caught all different perch out there didn't we?
But when you get er to a certain I think you do tend to find a lot of the dressier clothes are in black.
Mm.
Yeah but you're not at that certain age?
Yes I agree
No.
No matter, what I mean why we all seem to wearing black, because they're
at school
But only when you go in the shop, I find the colours this year are rubbish
empty!
and they
they couldn't really have something
Brown ale or
I 'll finally accept it, i the thing she is she got a green velvet suit from Ron and the lady said to her she said well will you be in Hello, i she said I thought we 'll be in Packaging News!
A hundred and fifty people have been invited, but I don't know if all will be coming.
I've just realised that the be every time I have an occasion
Yeah
I go green don't I?
And if it's green
One bottle over.
It's the colour of hope.
Is it?
It's warm.
Yeah it's the colour of love.
Well my green oh and in French it's the colour of hope, promise?
My
Exactly.
Our bridesmaids
And you.
wore green velvet didn't they Mum?
Pardon?
Adrian and I had bridesmaids in green velvet
green velvet
do you remember you said how unlucky it was?
Mm.
In England green is supposed to be an unlucky colour.
Really?
Oh.
Mm.
Oh dear
And then
everything already
and then, also we got married in May, and they say marry in May, rue the day, so
Mm, or going to Paris on the honeymoon!
yes.
That's the time I was married in May, too.
Paul.
There we are Mum.
Yeah.
Mm, thank you.
Could I have
Mum you can't get that round here.
I will, I 'm just looking for the
What do you want?
earrings.
Yes I will.
These are so delicious
aren't they?
Oh to go with your dress
dress yes.
Mm mm very nice
sit there?
people sit there gambling
No
No.
I 'm not.
How they put the big plastic things
Mm
that hold them.
But I don't know if they will be too heavy for your ear lobes.
I 'll have a go anyway see
The everlasting twenty pound note.
Shame got it fixed!
You know complete small ear lobe.
No here, do it these are worth letting go
and erm I paid for them dearly for piercing for me
and er I think he was frightened of a little bit too far on the edge I think.
Mm.
Choose another one
No I can't do that
now so I can't certainly
Mm.
Cos that's one lower still
Well no
Well they
they might sometimes I had mine done to me
Definitely close it right up.
when he
Oh.
They couldn't
Nancy was telling me that he had loads of
Mine
complaints
I was playing with the dog a
Well I didn't have any
No
just periodically
I
So we take her onto the
We had to pay for the doctor.
It didn't hurt, but then they don't they?
Don't know how he does
Yep
them.
By the time you get an you know, Michael will be allowed to have his
Plenty of room, it is a big room
Yeah.
I 'm clo that's closing up it's closed up that one you know, where we got it.
You know what it is, we disguise all our don't we?
Mm.
Have you just heard?
No
Right.
Go and sit over there.
You're all in then
Dad!
stay there love.
Oh.
Is he in middle again
What does that family look like?
Have a bit of the dirge.
Doo do do do.
Mum is that alright
Mm Is that because the hose
Then he 'll be walking in with this quiz an
Yes.
What is this quiz we're gon na have then?
Ooh it's a big quiz, one of
I 'll
Following in my Dad's footsteps.
Daddy spent all day and scribbling.
Yeah everyone's got ta play
They're getting very popular those square bags aren't they Joy?
any paper.
It's funny you should say
Very popular they get
we both had the same
Mum!
about it and you know how we weren't very, cos everybody said oh we'd like one of those, cos they're so easy.
Mm yeah.
And now poor Michael couldn't find one!
Yeah.
Rat fink!
and imagine we were
Somebody told us in the market, but we never get to the market, do we?
I don't care
No.
Yeah in the market, but er in Red Parks they're in front of the exit
like that, I mean they were so easy.
aren't they?
Oh!
Well can you imagine any more than English ones.
What was the little dog you had?
He's not any work.
Yes.
I always remember
After my old one.
we all had the naughties, used to say.
and now when you got this
Once you get out of car and I thought it was a dog that she had, bu didn't have, she didn't have a dachshund he had a little
No she had, she had corgis.
Woof, woof, woof, woof.
Michael,
No I 'll get it.
Whose is that one?
Andrew's possible but that won't
Ah right
I don't want him to stop until his party.
You've got your new shoes on Mum, or those
Yeah
Yep.
They're nice.
Ha ha ha.
Mm.
Good in n it that's outrageous, that is!
There
Is it slanderous or libel
Read it outside, the inside first, I think read
Yeah.
the outside first.
has written a slanderous poem
.
I have to be very careful though, seeing that his birthday's the same day
Yeah, yeah
Karen why aren't you opening yours?
I've opened mine.
Oh you've opened them all
You didn't tell me what you got.
Shall I
She didn't show me what you got, why should show you!
Oh.
But she had money from and I gave her
some money
Oh I see
and a for you
Aha.
too.
Thank you.
Don't you worry about that, Ruthie's the hostess.
Oh yeah
Ooh!
I think I 'll be coming
Right
from over here.
Let's see that one.
.
Michelle really!
Ooh dear
Right we can all throw that in bin.
Blue what?
Course you can't go round, you got ta do double with my.
I can't guarantee it works like clockwork.
Ha ha ha
Hopes he finds
Ruth and I are trying to get these done especially when that ship went up you looked like the Keystone Cops, didn't I, we went one back in there!
I 'm afraid I I went one when the li when the allotment caught fire.
Cos cos you were pale.
I'd of never never got that hose out without it would I, now?
No there's some very in that bag.
I we I think the fire fighters used the white skirt tied the way it wa on my shoe
Tried to hold it to it.
I was s dirty, mud all up my leg.
Trying to hold the trees together
All the splashing over me!
Well you had to hold it together
I
Do you watch that er that London's Burning?
Oh yes, he finds her at erm
Do you watch that, yeah
Yeah.
Do you get it last week
Yeah
Yes
Bailey
Bailey
saw the cards.
He's dodgy
I like him it's
Good you can find, ah, he loves her.
a twist
They didn't think, didn't think he could wait a week,
One
At least where he
Didn't watch variety stop?
No.
He looked quite good, didn't he?
Yeah.
Yes, well it always is.
good
Mm.
.
Oh have you seen that face lift job he wants?
No it's over.
It's well out of order!
Twenty to eleven.
I don't know.
Yes it is Now when he was at school
No but I like it back.
Yes well and I didn't like it better either.
You seen that Andy?
What?
This face lift jobby.
Yeah I know.
And
You could
your one.
all because they have to be read, I
Yes
That
What is yours
Michael's really tired.
I 'm alright.
.
Lovely aren't they?
Yes
Oh no.
and I thought that you wanted that
Yes
didn't you?
very good.
Mm.
Shall I hit him!
You won't understand it Paul, it's confidential.
No not my hands please Mm.
Boys these days!
I 'll tape it up.
No, no, no, no you 'll muck up everything.
No.
ha.
It's a do-it-yourself pea shooter here.
Where's it gone?
Eric in your bag.
I 'm chair listener alright
Yeah
Alright Kev?
You can sort out
Oh yeah, Paul
What earrings this, is it Nanny 's?
What
I don't know who's that is.
the green earrings are mine,
Dad
and the then you can borrow or a
I've found the green earrings.
erm
Do you see that one?
Wendy said I could borrow her dress.
Are those your, oh yes of course it is.
And they come back
She's got a dress a green dress for her for Golden Wedding Anniversary.
The Sunday after
Just look.
Are you gon na leave the tape on?
Ah
Put the tape on.
Yes
No don't worry green 's, for love.
Paulie put that other tape
Is it?
I 'm learning, how to maybe read the stars,.
That's right.
Her longs are what?
Are long and tiddly!
Yes.
Ah lovely
yes so
But it's just uncanny I'd suddenly I keep picking green for occasions.
Well Mutty had a green
Well so do I, I wear it for
dress
school every day.
for her Silver Wedding celebration.
I Paul's for a lot of green and he's a
Yeah.
Paul's now
then she's going to
Maybe get so lucky.
Ooh!
Maybe us all thinking that it's sort of not quite smart and it's
It's a toilet set in n it?
You're cheap!
She has to live like saint.
I'd rather do it myself.
No that bats Ooh look, I've got my ears caught
You 'll come back next year and it 'll still be in the box.
Adrian will have to fix
No.
fix it up then, cos it, or Andy cos they did a
Ooh very useful, yeah.
Andy didn't mind.
Hose round corners.
He's got press ups.
Why haven't you taken it all out of the box.
I
He's gon na make it.
Show it everybody.
He's gon na put it together now.
oh.
Yes, yes.
Oh go on.
I 'll get it all right now
He's going to put it on
you got ta
Now you're a five star
No what you are supposed to do is, this is one I made earlier!
I 'm the one who comes last, looking at the other people.
We noticed that, it's all
Yeah it's in a
Oh hurry up, number three!
Can't help that.
Ah this is useless!
If you turn the tape on now you hear all the best murmurs.
I had to get Adrian to do it.
Yes I 'm shoving more
Course, then there's that bit, alright.
And then the nose bit.
He's bunging them off.
And there's no, oh yes there is.
In the side.
Right, all those he promised.
It's up to you though
Oh is it?
It is recording.
I know it is but don't play around with that!
You 'll stop the sound.
Cream's on the table.
Ladies and Gentleman, it's
You said that it weren't on anyway.
I know.
So no one thinks it's on.
They know
anyway.
Oh.
Doesn't use the instructions then anyway.
Put the mike on.
last word then after half an hour
He told us off for not taking him there
Then you
You'd of looked even funnier next to the six year old!
Paul looked funny enough.
That
Well I wondered if he'd wa he'd gone out on the Nottingham cos I wondered what would happen to the mascot was he shot the mascot, after the the game?
Well I i they had the mascot from the it would have only gone out on their home territory.
Quartered yeah yeah.
Hung, drawn and quartered.
Well I
I I said to the chap he said did you have a good day, this little guy sitting next to me he answered yeah, good day yes did you see us?
I said, yes we saw you.
We saw you but did you have to come running over
Green coat.
waving to the crowd!
Apparently some football teams won't let the fathers on the pitch.
What did Nottingham Forest beat you?
If you do it for our side
Five one
they won't let the players.
Mum, can we get on?
Yes well
Lucky old
But is it really?
They try and take photographs of him.
Yes
We had to take the photographs, he had to go on the pitch, didn't he?
Well I first had to go down and ask.
When you think those days of
Did you get to wear your football shirt as well?
No I went in
he did ask, didn't you?
Yeah.
Oh you do meals, gon na have some don't you?
In the end people said actually it wouldn't be worth entering, yet
What we do is I 'll go in and video
Eh?
When they
I bought, in the end to drive.
Let me get behind furniture
Well if Liverpool win
People who argue that in the league the lower the that's forty pounds, they must in
What about the league then?
Eh?
Until he comes back from and that
Well that's because I hadn't been in there and you can be
Yeah and you
Yes I'd be sitting on it by now.
Yep I 'm finished, thank you very much.
Oh dear!
And the
Yeah.
Or motoring.
Wouldn't mind about the, when yo, you know when you hear about being in it's huge try and gore him each player so they
What's this photographs of it?
I 'm not
Which is actually, that's a chemical thing, isn't it, that's the E E C
Michael.
isn't it
What's the oldest
label every chemical.
Has he got that, oh that's quite nice
Has, has has, has
has, has, has,
You got any spare batteries?
I du n no there might be some then I can have one.
Okay, is it alright to slow it right down.
Oh yes, but the actual, no
How do you know if they're working, how?
Well yeah, might have.
Yeah it's go still working.
What the tall thin ones?
Open i open thing.
Don't try and take a photograph.
You open the lens cap.
Now you try and take one you 'll have to get
Just
You're posing natural, natural
who's camera is it, Paul?
Why isn't it working?
Well hasn't it got a tall thin flash?
Yeah.
working
Well we've got
flash.
we've got lots of batteries Paul, though
And it won't work if you put the battery in there!
They 'll have, they 'll have
Well done
Did you see B and Q
Pardon?
Did you see B and Q have got a recently now?
Ah?
B and Q.
Have they?
And they Eric so cheap.
Always so cheap Always buy your in B and Q.
Oh yeah.
Oh look.
I said I will wait
B and Q
Eric Eric.
We've tried this one here.
Oh dear, oh dear.
Not such a good idea!
Little tiny ones we'd stay and we'd replace them.
Yeah but
I 'm talking about the loose ends.
Kevin.
They've lasted all this time.
good idea
Must do that
must do that.
How old is?
I du n no Paul Paulie Paulie got any patches like that?
No look look, yeah let's listen.
I will.
where is the sharp ah to make.
Two of them?
You say I
He bought to go out.
Yes.
Sam's own school really
Too up to go down and too low to come up.
as well.
Er
Granddad
what is it?
says he so I don't think he was being very practical
Mm.
Must say
Mhm mm mm mm mm mm mm.
I think
You know what to do with these, don't you?
Do I?
Yes, we can hope, can manage that, yeah.
Ha!
I'd laugh if he said yes without!
We'd have a look You sure you can?
Do you want it on the wall or what?
Sit on that.
Do you want it on the wall or free standing?
We're putting them up, yes I can do that.
On the wall.
Er on the, they're cracking up and I 'll be
Kevin I don't think I 'll have it as whirly as that.
It is in n it?
And then when we
That's what you've got, is okay.
erm yeah.
They're getting me a hose for Christmas.
and put
Well that is a good idea.
Just as well
a fla a flat one?
Yeah, we're gon na have a flat one.
Ha ha oh go on
Oh no, it's just remembering without the words.
Oh go on he says that cos he knows he's got the card.
Oh.
So I don't know if I can get a.
Is it a then?
No.
It's their kitchen that
It looked quite
That's right, you get it on there surely?
cos they were in
No they put that, put that
a long erm a
Adrian's is on the wall too.
thin looking scissors
Well that's a train
anything else you think we might know, upside down?
While they're finishing aren't you?
I don't know personally
Yeah like they got little metal plates
and they apparently they look very to the wall.
Ah they won't
But they can take it off the wall.
Oh I see oh that me that means it's working okay.
Fine, is it alright now?
Yeah.
How much do I owe you for, how much are they Ruth?
Oh I don't know where it came from it's been a long time.
Don't throw those away.
If they were new they'd be a in a packet.
Yeah.
We've fumigated them.
Ooh mind the beer!
Is it working now?
Yeah.
Don't all look at me, you're supposed to be going on talking!
Should be perfectly natural.
I always sound like that.
It's very true
Straight in front of a map and you go urgh!
then do something and urgh!
Ah!
He don't get any better does he Joy?
Yeah.
Don't get any better.
You ooh ooh!
Well do you think we can have our pudding now?
Yes.
Oh yes.
Yeah
Ooh I need spoons.
Hurry up, you're too hot.
I don't need a box, oh only so you can break it and then take it back.
Who's that?
That's
Actually puddings
Oh yes,
can you handle that?
Oh yes that's piece of a handle.
The pudding is erm hot Jam roly poly or and I used to say he's really going down it
On the axles weren't you
That goes on the axle, I've found that out.
Why's there a bit left over?
Oh that's the ah?
Oh I 'm pleased about that.
It's alright, I remember now, it goes
Well why don't you do it down here?
It's a funny wheel that funny wheel for it.
Yeah.
yes.
Do it in there somewhere like that
That's right, we did actually yo you and your son managed it.
Oh you're
No, no actually we did
quite terrible!
Actually be better
inside.
Cos then it depends which way you want the host to come in, which side you want the host to come from.
I don't think you know.
I don't think you got the choice on this one Andy.
No?
Right that's he's done it, by gum
Now take it out let it join the bird table.
Ah
Why didn't it flash then?
Why doesn't it flash?
Doesn't matter
Cos the flash has run out.
You bought it from B and Q.
Look
You
Got it from.
strong in that
You tired?
Well I wonder
how strong they are, yes
What time
yeah.
did you go to school?
About one
I think this is your lime, I 'm drinking, Kevin
Do you want that one wound up?
is there one
Yeah
with lime in one?
Yeah.
Or you I just thought I'd tell you.
I have got lemonade in it.
They're both lime and lemonade in.
Yes.
I 'm sorry that doesn't sound right.
Cheers.
though
Maybe!
You need the flash on cos you've got in n it?
I can't resist you.
serviette the way you've screwed it up, the way you screw it up.
Did I?
Yes.
Well that's it, there's only one each
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh!
That's
No was always quiet.
I wish somebody else is!
That's it.
On red light like that, I didn't depress the
Ooh.
button far enough for it to take a picture then.
When i whe when the red light you sh should keep your finger on longer.
That's all I did was it?
Oh to charge up the
flash?
Ooh is this my next lot?
Mm.
Great well I
That's the that is the paper that Michelle
Yeah.
gave me
We opening them now?
Bit early.
I 'm not.
Not putting
We open them cos it's Christmas
these?
day.
Dessert
Do you know how many here for you?
There's some up there.
Well no I 'm gon na open Michelle and Andy's and they're gon na open ours I didn't bring everybody else's cos we co we're seeing them Christmas Day.
The light goes on
I 'll end up
Ooh ooh ooh ooh.
Hope you get something
Got to use this just like my automatic camera?
Yeah.
These from Michelle and Andy
You can take a picture now.
have we?
Mm.
That's good
Kev!
Uncle.
Yeah.
You got a drill?
Yeah a drill.
We 'll borrow to go up the wall myself.
left, right, left, right oh no?
Yeah.
I said we might as well climb up the wall now.
Yeah, go there now?
He's got one Adrian, now ask him if he can find it!
Where's your drill, Kev?
I 'll walk
round with him.
You 'll need
Well have your pudding first, before you
This flat erm
Yes it looked rather
Very nice.
unusual didn't it?
Erm we need an extension as well.
Mm.
I we I went on Thursday actually and I
Don't worry I 'll use the battery power.
Is this bit yet?
someone's just had their accessory
Andy's battery power downstairs in the prison!
It looks nothing when it is in pieces but as soon as it's done and together, it looks nice.
with Zoe.
The real McCoy?
Especially what you saw.
Why not?
if you don't, I don't care.
Eh?
Everyone's a different.
Do you think that's true?
Mm?
They're very useful around
It says on here do no dismantle once the, I wonder why not, wonder why that is?
Er Michael
It must be
will you for me?
perhaps the plastic stretches.
and then take it
No!
These are lovely.
Really?
Yes by the
Hey you know they're always
Yeah it's got this bit left over
Er Paul what's that
er Paul
What a horrible!
What's that?
What?
oh.
Even that great big purple thing?
That purple
Yeah that purple thing.
Well what has this got that's attached in here, eh?
The hose goes on there.
on there yes
The hose comes from your tap and it goes on there
Yeah.
right?
Now the hose for your garden goes on there
I see
Oh.
Okay, so just unclip that by pulling the yellow
See
bit backwards like that
if you stuck a bit on that
yeah I know, we got that already, yeah
unclip that from that there, put it on the end of your hose
Yeah.
that 'll then wind and it winds the whole up.
Have you picked a section
No
, oh Ruth look she's waiting
hang on a minute.
If we go there, she 'll the right drill,.
No we won't have the right drill bit!
Pardon?
I know what
laugh in n it?
Mum, if you just
I bought you all we've got.
Mum, did you have that cup?
Can I get you a drink?
No thanks.
The gateaux.
The
The
Dad, Dad is that
What about Aim Hemslow No?
drill bits!
Yeah isn't it.
Well Michael, what did you
Right, here it is
say about my fruit salad?
listen here
It's purple!
if you're
Why can't it be purple!
What happened to it?
It's all this this thing here.
Blackcurrant.
This your accessories?
Blackcurrant Michael.
Well I think that you clip on here.
Is it with the hose?
Like the garden.
Is it blue?
Yeah.
Should be enough left over to push your face into Michael!
It's lovely.
What did you have?
I didn't want to.
You just said well the fruit salad.
How can it be fruit salad
What is erm
if it was purple? greenish or yellowish,
What was that word, Eric?
Oh Eric!
like normal fruit salad.
Yeah.
Is he still doing his crossword?
He was doing that about five minutes ago.
Go and get the sweets.
I 'll in a minute.
You 'll have to eat it then
I had two lunches.
Oh did you?
Grapes, smelly black banana
Is that the then?
Paw paw.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Paw paw?
black cherries
So many people do.
So many people get it now.
doesn't it?
Yeah but my done it in the morning go rush out to the post box
Accessories spray gun
Oh no I think
Where was born?
Mhm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yugoslavia, but what town?
Sofia.
There you go.
You ain't got that!
Hold on Yugoslavia
Sofia, is Bul
Bulgaria.
Bulgaria
Sofia is in Bulgaria?
Oh thank you, yes.
No A something I something A
A something I something A Oh, I could've you that
I don't know
Oh it 'll be part Indian.
No it's not Mother Theresa, it's Saint Theresa.
got any letters there are five of them?
Oh you saying number three's
No I 'm not
Saint Theresa?
Come on you work it out.
Saint Theresa we wanted
Oh I thought you were talking about Mother Theresa.
We started this as well
What yo you do is using that bracket there
I 'll tell you what
on the wall
we 'll get we 'll get ours and then we 'll sort of mix and match them
Like so the bracket
Right.
fits on there and that bit just rests on the wall, well then
Right
what you can do is wind it like that and the hose winds up.
Oh good.
You 'll be a strong man by the end of it.
It's alright you're off on Wednesday you can do it then.
And you can have it like that if you want.
Yeah I will.
Just leave it like that.
I I think it's better on the wall
Yeah do you think at the moment you could take it all back out again, then?
Yeah.
Where do I put it, inside the garage?
No
I mean
on the back wall by the tap!
Yeah.
Yeah that's where you want it, near the taps.
Yeah we 'll fix it up in a minute.
It's just to see because then the
Don't worry about it
I 'll manage
Why
We will
What happens that's it we come and say right.
Adrian have you got a hand drill?
Much better on the wall.
This is how
Got a hand drill?
No it's not the drill itself, it's more the bit
Yeah.
?
No it won't s it's too big they're are all wood drills dear.
I've got Eric's
somewhere.
And that's an
drill the what?
How can you tell?
Do you know that Adrian that in this
house, we don't use
How can you tell?
an electric drill in this house any more cos the handle's
You need Michelle to
Yeah
Dad is making a
Any of them in there?
Hold on hold on the are
Never heard of that, that's just a straightforward drill that
I think we 'll go in.
Auntie.
That's erm a ten pounds
Auntie
for the
Oh how old are they, yeah.
You first
what did you do to that, look?
I didn't intend it to be purple.
Yep.
What about wall pliers?
I blame Julie she made it
You 'll need wall pliers?
Yeah I think I've got some.
I 'm
There's half a cabbage
There's no raw plugs in that packet, is there?
Cabbage
Uncle has uncle why do you put five Ps in here?
go in there?
try to sit
See you just got ta
that one, that one, that one and that one
I was certainly out of it.
you got a?
I was saying to
Do you want any!
Keep an eye on that one!
Did she
Anyway
You haven't got that one.
I just
than they had left.
Yes.
Like
That's right
poison
deadly nightshade is
Yeah.
So that's where you put it is it?
They've never had to survive long
A couple of weeks.
sleeping like that.
Anyway that's the story of
Right, I 'll take this out.
No that 'll make a really good
And if he's not had
Ooh yeah it 'll be good
the pictures
Eh?
No we haven't got a drill bit.
Or have you got the same blanks as I've got.
I think I can manage
Eric.
We've got twenty seven across which is, birth place of Saint Theresa.
Yeah I got a minu A blank I blank A
It's in Yugoslavia I think.
What makes you think
she's from
Yugoslavia?
I always though was a symbol
Eleven across
wouldn't you, you buy things in it.
something I V A.
Kevin's hopeless.
Cor when that door's open!
Who's gone out there?
Kevin.
Kevin.
when we went back in the kitchen and it's hot but
but read the book
I'd everything.
!
Now we 'll start this one.
Did you get that?
When you've read the book, you put it up.
I dare you.
We 'll have the book and get the pieces together, yes I
No it's when we were doing the electricity.
He goes now
I 'll be a good girl, I won't
Yes.
more careful with him.
Michael is too.
Yeah.
You 'll have to read the book then, won't you
It's that.
Ho how do you like your new toy?
taking it to pieces you can't get them back together again.
Couldn't of intended to stay
Yeah.
if I couldn't.
problem.
Oh oh oh oh.
Oh
That's his problem!
Yeah.
Who's that?
What's the ancient name for the
the pieces don't you?
Spanish peninsula?
A
Iberia?
Oh no I don't but er
Don't do that.
I daren't do that.
I fixed our washing machine.
Don't do anything
er our washing machine clothes.
You two are paired up for the quiz, I had a lot of money
and you couldn't do so be quiet!
too strong.
She knows the master
so go away.
When was that?
depends
not cos you went
then I went don't touch that!
Remember when I her washing machine?
erm
Yes, big!
Okay do it.
I was so pleased
that made me there
Where did you do it, where did you do this?
again.
Well there's something wrong with the washing machine I got the
She likes to go to bed with
I did the whole washing machine
and then
I fixed it.
take away and
Oh aren't I clever!
Aren't you a lucky boy Kev?
Oh aren't I lucky!
Thank you very much.
It was about two years ago when I was about thirteen and
It would've taken me about four hours to do it.
Da ah ah ah ah ah.
And
Alright
Ooh ooh and you've exhausted
Yes
I can't be bothered with
But er Andy was always you see
Don't really like to to you know I did have a that made me so close to it.
My Dad was most impressed with that,
But I always remember Ruth make it a desk, you see it only came and in she was sitting out there and this desk, all the pieces and parts were going everywhere.
Given up now, I buy ready made.
Ooh.
do
Alright there, for coffee?
yes I did
Yes.
Ooh ooh.
I might be getting a barbecue with
Kev.
Mm.
I can't even get
I said anyway this is
you see and then later we're coming on.
I the children.
What?
No.
apart.
Make up the sand.
Which would it!
You don't have to!
Are you having a dear?
She'd have to put the bags
Oh yeah come on then.
Or
Where do you aim from?
What you bossing me for?
Get me down.
Mind your beer, hold it tight!
looking up my brother-in-law's nose real.
have you got a bit of that blackcurrant?
No thank you no thanks.
Oh haven't put it on there long!
It's lovely.
We love that album.
Which?
This one?
What tha
What have I got here
Was actually very nice, have the blackcurrant er sweet.
And th th the the
Yeah Nan
And that lovely cake.
Nan!
Yep.
Oh I got this one.
Thank you.
I know an even ruder person than that.
Like who?
Well I know you can but!
Hurry up!
I am hurrying as fast as I can, don't
Come on!
Mhm.
She's not going to recover from it!
Is that recording thing on?
Yeah
They've grown early, haven't they tha those erm
What?
what they called, narcissus.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you love?
No she didn't.
No I didn't.
No
It's actually very nice.
What's with it, sponge?
fruit salad.
No.
It's
Cream too
Did you know about yesterday?
The texture of it's really nice
Dad Why didn't you know about yesterday
mousse.
what happened?
Mousse.
Mousse.
Mum.
Blackcurrants on.
Did Lawrence tell you about Kevin
No?
?
Doesn't agree with me.
He was everyone.
It's strange and it's only
About what happened yesterday
Oh erm and Mi Mi Michael shakes erm
I told them about
the.
Do I?
What does he play?
Gon na play the
I he's supposed to be very dangerous.
I told him you mustn't do that again
Mm.
Joy.
Pardon?
Two third of the meal gone without dropping any down.
You didn't need to do this for a laugh!
Fifty quid note ripped in half, oh no!
Oh you can mend that's alright, ha ha.
That's alright.
No but, what the bloke had one half and you had to have the other half.
Oh yeah.
going.
Alright now with?
I 'm terrible at going er since er October I sort of become really isn't it?
Is that for the
Christmas shopping do you think?
Possibly yeah I think
Five minutes?
and I think now so many people are on holidays and yo you really notice
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
everybody going to work, you know rather than er in the summer.
But the office improved, haven't they got all the decorators out now even
Yes, that's sorted out now.
You haven't got the hole there to put your head in at the moment then?
No they've done that they've fixed the roof.
They've done that.
You quite like your office don't you?
Yes.
Well he's all on his own.
Cor er good is it?
Mm
I mind though
Where?
I think it's round about twelve miles.
Sorry?
a bit scared.
please because you
Ooh coupled lovely.
Coffee's ready, everybody
And er some
coffee's
they erm
Any more coffees?
Pardon?
Did you have some done?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Coffee?
Nice isn't it?
Mm yeah.
Coffee Dad?
Mm Mm.
Coffee?
Did Ruth make this?
Er
Oh yes I did.
I think I 'll have, yes please
Coffee Dad
Yeah well who's was it?
Can I play?
?
Usually mine or church.
What was
Oy!
the hose for, I.
It's very nice, thanks
the trees.
called.
Ooh.
Ooh yes but she doesn't want to.
Do you want coffee, please?
Yes please.
Do you want coffee, please!
Unbelievable!
Don't have to remind me Mum!
Thank you.
Do you want a cup of tea?
Er anybody want tea?
Bet he's not working across the road, he's not coming home
Thing is, he 'll think
for lunch.
look at that!
You might want seconds, that I want.
Ha ha ha.
So you're going on Monday to
Do you want coffee Paul?
Molly 's?
No thanks.
They can't go Tuesday.
I 'll have tea later one two three
She's got I don't know what I 'm gon na do.
What 's?
How come you got ta give forty tapes to the lady then?
Well she gave us twenty tapes and she said
That's what to know.
we she'd like at least ten
Yeah.
but she le left us twenty.
Why?
Well cos that's how many they want from each person.
Why do they want it though?
I don't know Michael.
They're building a dictionary.
It's for a dictionary.
For this for listening to.
A whole dictionary?
To see how many words
Well
people use,
well yes
Oh right
people like you.
and a lot of words that people
Their computer.
do use aren't obviously
yeah so
in dictionaries.
No.
so you name words
Anybody heard of the word lary?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
That's in no dictionary how do you spell it and what does it mean?
Just lary, yes it is, it's in a new dictionary
Well you don't know how you spell it, but it's right.
Is it right?
Lary
No.
I means yucky but
No it doesn't no
It's rather yucky.
It's erm
Lary means
Yeah like
Lary.
I think actually, I think actually
No lary means mouthy Dad.
to the teacher.
No lary means
er mouthy it means like you're cheeky.
all of my children
That's right, that's what I thought that's when it's right.
Well I don't know.
But lary meant in a
in our time lary meant someone's wearing a sort of bright green an
No lar
Yeah.
pink
No I mean a lot of people would say that this was a
in time you'd say that was a lar
Like a lary tie?
Yeah.
No that's
Don't take any notice of anyone around here, it means mouthy, okay?
What it means is is things like someone's got a
Cheek?
a cheek, yeah.
No I said to
Auntie I just s, Mum I just s I just
find it in the dictionary I 'll give you five pounds.
I told hey, I I I told erm
Wary or lary?
Lary.
I told the lady what it means i lary means mouthy, okay?
Just in case you didn't hear the first time.
Well it's not in any dictionary that we can find
and yet everybody knew i, all the children from work go
It's a slang word.
don't be so lary,
Lary
Lary
Lary, yeah.
Well, you know
One, two, three O'Larey.
It's well in from the sixties.
Oh now that's an Irish song.
Yeah.
Yeah but lary means mouthy now.
word.
No it
Like gutty.
Lary means mouthy or she'd was lary clothes, loud clothes.
yet.
Yeah but lary lary actually means loud like, but it can mean loud clothes or loud mouth.
Yeah John's at work.
Now.
I've been learning that.
Paul
It's a word.
It is loud, it's loud clothes and loud mouth, but it's the same as what you said so
It means
It's loud, yeah
not really
Oh I 'll be more laid back.
the day they sell
things like that
lary
don't get stressed
Yeah.
All these
and they do as well.
the things that we used to use as verbs, they use as nouns I think I must
Stressed, don't get stressed.
nouns are part of your Michael.
you're the ones who can do, get stressed
Yeah erm I
Thank you fans, I love you all!
Michael.
She senses the teacher in you Ruth.
Yes.
Yeah?
Eh.
Even I can put a computer in like those
Look how I put that microphone.
Mhm.
when they, use it
back properly, but they don't, Michael go er er er!
in a computer like this so that
Aha ha ha ha.
And this woman had apparently
Dead cool,.
Put it down!
Like Alice
I have.
Yeah.
er yes where they li
That's really really common!
Oh no.
Especially on the tape.
Were you with hi
with him on Saturday, do that?
the kind of conversation you go up and down.
Yeah so put.
Yeah.
Yeah put it
I 'll put it
yeah take it but
Not unless we find out
Can you imagine the people who 'll get paid to sort out that lot millions, I mean, probably millions of tapes will be made.
Some would be quite funny I should think some of the comments we're making!
Imagine the poor chap
They've probably
!
!
Must be horrible doing that in the restaurant, last night, last night
I went to pay the books.
we had two weirdest people, we had two
for I was there!
and
Ah!
we were nearly under the table
Ooh
it was a terrible and all of a sudden this man said, I 'll be jiggered!
Then she went right
under the table, so Karen's trying not to giggle
and I was probably alright, until she kicked me under the table Paul!
This man said to her, this wife, we assume
Yes?
er
we have to get the give and take blend just right, so it sounded like a coffee!
And the conversation was really funny.
They're nice Ruth, where did you get those?
Auntie
Can't remember?
Auntie!
It's gone
Sainsbury 's.
I I can fill a whole tape
Oh do you want one?
I would always er
Auntie!
last year but I couldn't
Auntie!
Do you like them?
For a
Auntie
Auntie.
Course you can
I can tape still some slow words
Don't you like?
Auntie!
It is nice in coffee.
Auntie!
You have when you have it
Auntie.
with Tia Maria
Do you want me to do a slang words on it?
Yes Michael, no
I could do a couple of tapes worth of slang words that they've never heard of before.
!
No Michael's street language.
Auntie Thanks!
We've got a.
Is it?
It's what?
Have you got two or you got one?
No, one.
I've got the one, I 'm with Mutty.
Don't you dare
Do you like biscuits?
Yes.
What was that Paul, was it
Oh we're the other way around.
Ooh my
I
is open!
Dad's on my erm thought I was ever so good no I usually have baths I I usually got erm
I usually get Oriental but I I 'm not sure, I haven't tried this yet.
What's that one?
Erm Marina Marina
Marina
Is that the new one, Marina?
Du n no, ask Paul.
I've I I've got the Oriental shower gel fro got the Oriental shower gel, that means I've the Oriental and Marina.
Well what's that with the that's the gel and then the what, the shower gel?
Yeah.
I love that deodorant.
Probably
Yes.
Can I leave that with you then?
Mm.
That's for Michael's birthday.
Can I have a look
Well
at the birthday?
Isn't it
for Michael's birthday.
Is it your birthday?
Yeah, no smell my hand!
Yeah, oh
No, actually that was supposed to be for Christmas, as it goes.
That's the aftershave then.
Does he like it?
Yeah he likes Lynx stuff.
Mm.
No it's that way I've already put it in my handbag.
Ah can I have it now?
Mm.
Auntie.
I haven't got enough for your birthday.
Auntie, can I have it now?
No.
I wan na open it it's only a couple of days after Christmas isn't it?
Ladies and Gentlemen Kevin says would you please move cos these are all teams for this afternoon.
Oh
The reason why teams have only
two members, Karen and Andrew, is because Kevin says that you two are so clever
and he said, you would be bound to win
that puts the kiss of death on the
So Andrew, Kevin and Karen are together so that's alright, then it's Michelle and Mutty and Paul and it's Nana and Adrian, my brother's
Well Nana and Adrian and Michael are sitting in there.
And Nana's sitting there.
Papa, me and Lisa.
There's a star prize for the
Well we got a good team.
Who?
And the star prize is the whole of three Ferrero Rocher.
Wow!
The ones that she couldn't have
Cos I 'm on a diet anyway.
So I 'm gon na
I 'll read out the groups to you.
try and get a packet and half of each.
We 'll be alright, won't we?
Lisa an
And the quiz is nothing to do with me.
Who did it??
it's me.
Lisa!
she wins.
We, no Kevin's not actually in this quiz
cos he's gone.
every single bit
No he's the quiz master.
of newspaper
No he's the quiz master, he made it up.
Oh.
I mean, really hard!
Adrian.
So who are you with, Magnus Magnuson?
With Andy just the two of us.
won't it.
Because they'd know.
I wasn't aware of this
And then
I don't
we've got the.
She looks thick, but she's wiz, wizard at general knowledge.
know every single person in the picture.
Have you put the tape on Dad?
Oh do we need glasses?
Well I think I do.
Go and get your glasses!
Have the teams got ta sit together?
Yeah
If you need the break
All out, everything out.
Right.
Right.
What we 'll do now then
I've got my glasses but I haven't got the.
We're a team.
Can I do i
No I've got the
the firs
anyway.
the first round is
I was waiting for you, I was waiting for you to say
one team of four, where
Bamber Gascoigne doesn't have this trouble, look
Excuse me.
the first round
Excuse me.
Out the way.
Excuse me!
Out the way,!
The first round is pictures so if you
Alright
keep your voice down
Ooh I don't have to do that.
Shall I move over here?
Is it your birthday this week?
I do like that tie, I've said that before, haven't I
Yeah.
That was the erm
Well Michael's got ta go and sit with his team over there.
It was a good one though wasn't it?
It was
No Po po Papa but I said
Why don't you a why don't you all sit on a
Alright
little bit of that one.
Yeah alright.
Michael.
Mike you've got ta
No, no, no, no, we're alright ar our team's
Ah.
okay here.
Well we're alright here.
I 'll sit on the floor.
There you are.
Right.
Is Dad alright now?
quiz masters can go over there then.
Yes.
No sit there.
Are you alright there Dad, or?
Karen, we can.
by Thursday.
Do you see
I was sat there shouldn't you?
Shall we sit What team Michael was on?
Oh right.
Michael Michael's with Adrian and Nana.
Right.
Yeah only so you could
Alright well sit down there then.
Right there you are how's that?
It's alright.
me go back?
Yeah.
Who's gon na be there then?
I 'll go here.
It's se Ah ah ah Lisa!
And Lisa can sit in the middle on the
Ooh ooh ooh
on the.
Lisa you're sitting there.
Are we being recorded?
Why have you got your headphones in it?
Er it's not
At the same time?
Something else he's got there.
Where's ours, where's our Sony?
Oh up there.
Alright.
Don't walk off with it will you!
You're not supposed to be
Four
Only four.
Well you set things up.
You divided them.
You set the papers up.
Ruth a one one bit of paper each team.
Can we have table?
Are we gon na have pen?
.
there that one.
grab the table quick.
Pen, I 'll get a pen.
Pens are there by the telephone.
Oh give us then will you.
No I wo I won't have one.
Thank you
Here are Joy, rest it on the back of
Everyone got a pen?
your hat.
Mum!
Joy?
I've got it.
You have to to win a box of chocolates.
Well you work for yourself, I 'll work for me.
Just the Ferro
Ha.
Oh Is that all?
We 'll work really hard.
Michael.
Not really.
Okay, about ten minutes.
Next!
Don't turn over these papers.
Was it you Dad?
God it's like an exam!
Don't turn over your papers.
Well
Yeah, this is a mock.
Mock
Do we write the answers straight off the sheet?
Ah?
Yes the answers
On the
are in a little box, under each picture put the name what you, who you think it is, underneath, in that part
Have we got to be quiet?
If you shout out other people will hear
Other people would pick it up.
starting
Starting now turn your sheets over now.
It's up there
goes in the box, Joy.
Right, cos
Do we have to give a name of a character or
Well to be quite honest when it's when it's I 'll give one point for the character's name
Uncle!
but if you get the actor who's playing it
have one?
We 'll put anyway.
Yes.
You're supposed to write it on there, Joy.
Oh on these, what did you give me a paper for?
No, no
No that's my future on, sorry!
That's a that's for
They won't need that at the moment.
Mike, you're supposed to be helping ours.
Are you taking part?
Go away!
Dad, do you name the characters then?
You get one mark for a character name and if you name the actor who's playing it, two marks.
You get one mark, one point for the character name
Kev.
Yes.
You got another picture?
one for the character name and a extra one point or something for, if you can the other one yeah.
If you get the character name one point
It's a good idea though If you want a spare one or are you all happy?
We're alright.
Anybody want a spare one?
Me.
across.
Uncle, Uncle.
A spare one there.
What one point for the name and one point
Yeah
Kev?
For a character name, the, if you get the
one mark for the character
Dad, why was that a singer
an extra mark
type singer ah.
Oh no you couldn't get it for singer.
Ah.
Bu good then.
Right.
That's good though.
Oh he's not a character it only works in
only works in
I don't know who the actor is, I know who he is
It's hard
I haven't a clue who that is!
Who's that person?
Yes yes I know
Who's that person?
He was on the variety
Oh that's what's his name, yeah.
Well as you all know I 'm really good on names.
Keep your voices down the ears are listening.
The walls
Ah.
have ears.
That's
Write it down
Politicians, I haven't a clue, why did you fill it up with politicians, for goodness sake!
I didn't know there were any politicians on there anyway, politicians.
I know who number two is.
Yeah,
It's easy.
that's the easiest one on the sheet!
Well we've only got two to get.
Have you?
Yeah but we've only got two!
No but we need
We need, we've only got one more
Yeah, well Kevin was right then, wasn't he?
Got five left.
How many you got?
Er all but
only wants one
two.
have only got two left.
We give up, we haven't got a blinking clue!
No.
We got one
Two, we've got two we don't know.
Few more minutes Wouldn't matter if we had minutes, Kev.
Oh come on.
Can't do any of them.
What!
Oh no.
Hardly done any of them, got about five.
Oh!
I've got five to go.
Hate to tell you, that was the easy page!
Have we got fifteen?
We have.
Yeah but ten of them are!
They're not.
Oh no they're not.
Ah?
Mum.
You can't ask her!
I wasn't going to, I wan na say something Mum
You know what I mean you know the one who's got Mrs
always
She says er only one Mrs er
Yeah but he said, put th what they're concerned with, you ge get an extra point.
Yeah.
if you say what they link.
No it's the character character name
Yes.
or the actor's name.
I've just put down erm whatever I know that is
Alright, time's up.
but I don't know his first name.
Why's one of them lying on her back?
I think we've done better with Mother.
Mm?
I should think you'd have easy done better than
Mum Did you spot the cheeky one, number twenty?
Oh I knew that one straight away.
Yeah I knew straight away, easy one.
You can tick your own.
Do you get two points for a totally correct answer an
I 'll decide as I go along.
Oh.
Oh listen to that!
Decide as I go!
Right, ready?
Oh Uncle, what's his name first?
Eh?
No wait till we get
What's that other picture there?
You alright?
Yeah.
Okay, ha.
Right number one who any of the answers, give me some answers.
Fagin, Ron Moody.
Dicken's character.
Tha that's right
yeah I
It's wrong.
Isn't it, it is.
Fagin I give you one, for Fagin.
We've got Dicken's character.
Anybody got a name, the right name?
I've got
He was the Fagin?
No I
He was a Fagin,
If they get that he was originally Karen, this is a different
What about Dicken's character?
Do you get one for that?
Took his part.
Alec Guinness.
Yeah.
Alec Guinness!
You get one for Alec Guinness, one for Fagin.
No, do you get for a Dicken's character?
Er no, no, no, no.
We could of got Fagin as well, couldn't we?
Right
Yeah we got Fagin
Next
I I don't know his name in
He's in Coronation Street
I 'll give you one for that
Yeah.
What?
Alec Gilroy
I 'll give you two for his
It's Alec Gilroy
right one for that I 'll give you two for his actor's name
His mos his other real name is Ron something
real name
Yeah.
Is it Ron something?
Nearly.
Don, Ron
Ronald
According to me, it's Roy Barraclough.
Ah ah ah.
Ah that's it!
Two for Roy Barraclough.
We get one for that.
No we don't.
Why not?
Get two something
Alec Gilroy
No you can have the name of the
That's
You get one for Coronation Street, you get one if you got the title
Yeah that's
of the show.
one for Coronation Street.
Dad
We get one, put a one
Dad
Right, three is
You've only got one.
Bernard Manning!
Bernard Manning!
Yeah!
We've put a?
One for that.
A cook!
Is that one?
Who was he?
One for that, yeah.
Who was he?
Bernard Manning.
cook yeah one.
Next one.
You could of got
Tom Jones
four, I cut that down as much as I could so
Next one.
Tom Jones.
Tom Jones.
Tom Jones, yes
Yeah
singers
One for that.
Two!
Do you get
Two for Tom Jones!
Why?
Because we got the right name!
No, one that's only co couldn't be anything else
Ooh, you rotter!
It's all the same for everybody.
Yes.
Is it singer, do you get one for singer?
No we 'll have si, singer, no we're not having that.
Nope.
The next one.
We're not having actor for number
No.
either.
Oh yes!
Who?
Richard Dreyfuss.
Yes.
do I get one?
I didn't know that anyway.
Karen said it's a man in Always.
He is isn't he, Mum?
Who?
the film Always,
Yeah yeah
Well I du n no, you're the man in the chair!
Yes!
Alright one for that.
Is it one or two for Richard Dreyfuss then, anyone?
Who got six?
He's an American comedian on the show.
On the Variety show.
Yeah.
Do you think we could have his name!
Do we get one
It's over
for comedian?
It was on last night.
Oh Rabbi Mason I've got.
Who?
Rabbi Mason.
Well yeah, he is a rab
He is a rabbi
he is Mason he's Jackie Mason
Ah.
He is a rabbi.
He was a
You should get two for that?
Yeah,
Can we
Joy.
an American comedian on the Variety show?
Well did I well we did
American chat show host.
Dad.
Well he was on last night.
Yeah.
He's not a chat show host!
Dad, dad dad!
He's American.
Dad!
Yeah, one for comedian, that's alright.
Then American.
You and Michael,!
Gon na be something!
When I go through this, I know who's gon na go.
And number five is Saunders Guinness.
Yes yes that 'll be Saunders.
That's not right!
Is that two or one?
Mum, do you think I could have a pen?
Michael what did you do you can't write it in now,
Mum
!
Mum
Yes?
One for you, cos they got Ernest Saunders, two
Oh.
for them.
Mum, did you get number ten by the way?
I don't know yet.
Number eight, have you got?
Yeah.
Tick tack man!
Yeah
You get one for tick tack
bookmaker
Wait
Channel four!
Tick tack man we've got.
Anybody got his name?
Two for his name.
What is his name?
I can't think.
John McCrirrick
Never heard of him!
So can we have tick tack man?
Tick tack, one
Got it I've got that.
bookmakers, one
Yeah.
tick tack 's, one yep.
Next one's
And I heard Dad say straining, that is close.
Jack Nicholson not John Nicholson!
She said John!
I said that.
Jack Nicholson and he was straining
he was pulling up that water you know the
Jack Nicholson.
water
Do you get one for that.
Can we have one, for if he looks as though he's straining?
No.
Have we got one?
Can we have one for Jack
Where?
Nicholson?
This one and two we said
I think we're two for Jack cos Jack and Nicholson
I didn't know that.
Oh we wouldn't get two for Tom Jones!
Sneaky!
And you didn't give us two
Right
No, one
for Tom Jones!
one alright, one.
One ha ha
Cos we had it on one
And one for
And he got Jack Nicholson
Yep.
Oh we knew he was but we!
Can I get a word in edgeways here?
What?
Did he play Daryll in the Witches of Eastwick?
No.
Yeah, he played it in the Witches
Did he?
of Eastwick, but I don't think
Yeah, well we got Daryll.
Well you see
Ha ha ha!
And you say the part?
Yes.
Pardon me.
Alright, one for that
Half.
No!
One for that and two for you.
See it was who I thought it was.
Paulie knows number ten, he's
Say that again Mum.
Bart Simpson.
Two points
Yep.
for Bart Simpson.
I bo yes.
Bart and Simpson.
Excuse me!
Why can't
Yeah.
we have two for Tom Jones?
No I've decided.
I can't see that!
Why not
No sorry I've deci, I said I'd make it up as I went along!
Number eleven
Two for Bart Simpson
the next one is Heron
again
Heron
One for Heron
One for Russian?
Russian!
Yeah it's a hero
Russian isn't it?
name though.
Heron
Who is it?
it was a it was an
Give us a clue.
It is Heron
Heron is a
Rohnson something?
Yes.
Yeah.
I should've known this but
Dad?
Well I know it's wrong, since I hadn't put it down but I had Heron down.
If you knew it was Rohnson why didn't you put his name down!
I don't know, ha ha ha!
You big wally!
I got the next one.
from the head of the.
I know the next one.
Dad.
Hey!
We got that.
to Come Dancing.
I thought I'd put her over there
Kevin, we've got Lancia down.
Lancia?
Yeah.
Yeah, what for Heron
For Mr Rohnson
Oh, we got that.
Why?
I don't I don't see the connection.
Well he owned Lancia
as well as Heron
Hard luck if you didn't know that.
Well we've
Well I think I should get three points for knowing that now.
Not a lot of people know that.
How many points for Angela Rippon?
Ha?
One o w one point off for being cocky!
How many points for Angela Rippon?
One that's only have one, that's easy.
Cor one!
Who got thirteen?
Ken Maxwell.
He's first
Maxwell.
No it's Kevin Maxwell
Kevin Maxwell
Who?
Oh I got Ken Maxwell.
Oh I only got one.
You only get one, we got two!
Ken, Ken, Kevin Maxwell.
Why what's he do?
Who is it?
He's the son of, Maxwell's son.
Maxwell Maxwell, Kevin
Do you?
Yeah.
Marquis of Blandford!
Dad dad, dad!
I 'm glad you you know!
You're closer than you think
Like what?
Move back
come on,
Chelsea
One point
You creep
go on then put it there.
Fifteen was your
Who was it?
Who was
and I do of course
How, tell him when he was young.
Now sixteen, go on.
Who was the
What?
football.
Jimmy Greaves
Greaves, I knew, we know
I knew I knew his face.
Jimmy Greaves.
Who wrote, who, what are the
We got, we got football
Chelsea football
She answered football
Chelsea football right
No
Great Crystal Palace
Good boy
Minus one, huh.
Don't believe
One football
Nothing really
Oh
No, we didn't get anything
Who's on the
One.
Oh there were two pair of ones
Right, this evening
What can we have?
One mark.
That's four.
Two for magic
So.
Yeah, we got magic and the
Have you got
And, and, that he acres
Won't give up a point for
Who didn't, who didn't get number eighteen?
Rupert Bear
When person was alive.
Phone call.
What?
No its alright, we've talked him out a minute
I thought, how many places you get
Rupert
Two, two's the maximum you can get
You take three from my last one, why was that?
What you get three for?
magic
No, if you're not getting
Oh, come off it
three
Oh I
No.
Why not?
We won't
Don't be greedy.
gon na hear from Rupert, one
One
What about Rupert Bear?
Good try, but no.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terminator
I could be a
Arnie Schwarzieger
Two
Two for that cos they got the film as well
Oh, and the next one is Kevin Bambers
And Jack, and Jack the Ripper.
How many did we get with Kevin?
How many points?
One for Kevin
Can we change teams please?
Twenty one.
They should of been all out in teams.
Can I take the spare one into work?
Twenty one.
Twenty one you stupid
.
Oh right
Clever dicks on the sofa.
I got only wrong answer
Ha, ha, ha, twenty six over there.
That's not fair cos we never
Right, I got so many wrong answer, I put
Cruel.
I heard that
Right come on Ruthie
Fourteen and a half.
Oh bottoms.
Half, where'd you get a half from?
Ah well we had, you had we had that, that bloke Americans, so we got half a point.
Right who's good at geography?
Oh well Ruth should be, she's got a
It's absolutely got nothing to do with geography
Well
You know why he's they did a quiz at Phillips
Oh you can
You need your papers, oh there it is.
Yes, you any good at this?
Oh, we've decided not to give it to America so oh I know what it is Lisa, I've been really honest and
I haven't got a clue, look
all numbered, I want the na, names of the
Oh give it out you've got to be joking.
Just write them in the boxes Joy on the paper
No it says it on the paper.
I haven't got a
I'd like to keep them
I'd like to keep them wrapped Michael cos I take it to work.
I was gon na screw it up and throw it at you.
Neither have I.
I've done three and I think that's wrong.
I haven't got a clue either.
Michael got any ideas?
Dad, are these maps to scale?
What?
no way is that big.
Are you a calling me?
Well are these, are these to scale?
They all, well, that is
Yeah
really that big?
Mm, mm.
There's nothing in the middle that big.
Yes there is, but it's got a new name, called
If we put the old name do we get one mark?
You 'll get, yes you 'll get one for that
Can we put that this one's near,
No you can't put near
No, isn't it mum?
Yes.
I'd rather have South America I think Andy
I bet you lot, I bet you I know who's going to score the highest this time.
Who?
Who?
Karen, wait and see, I 'll tell you if you're right.
What is Joy doing?
What you've got there in your hand?
Oh.
Joyce writing, got it all sussed out.
I wouldn't say that
Paul have most.
I don't think so, no, it's interesting.
Is it switched on or you listening to something?
Why couldn't you given us well known countries?
I tell you what Kevin if you'd done Europe I think you'd of had, we'd of had just as much trouble.
No, no, I'd of done Europe.
No, cos we haven't got a clue
We've finished.
Have a guess.
Finished, I know lots of countries in just don't know where they fit.
It's right
What, no we haven't done this one
I know.
Oh yes, I know what, don't know what it's called now.
Right, we've finished.
Give the answer to the
We don't know any of them, but we've finished, I've got
Oh don't give them any more time
As much as I could do south of the equator
I've just done Europe or South America.
Well hopefully there won't be too much argument this time.
Unlike the last
Who requires more time?
Who wants more time?
Yes we do.
cos we're only just finishing.
Should of just done it though.
No, we didn't do Africa
Didn't we?
Not enough
Yeah I do.
Well you might but only at that age
Go on then Mike if you do it.
Well why aren't you asking the questions then?
I did it in the first year, I 'm in the fifth year now, that was four years ago.
Oh yes, well then it wasn't National Curriculum.
God is it four years ago?
Can we put in Sahara Desert?
Can we put things that were there aren't any numbers fellows?
I 'm gon na put Sahara Desert,.
I know the South Africa
It's the positioning that's difficult, ten, nine, you, cos what
Can get some points,
Are you ready?
Ready as we 'll ever be.
Uncle we have,
Yeah ready as we 'll ever be.
Uncle if we had some other places in do we get more points cos Sahara Desert is where we
no, no, no, no not.
O K ready.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right who's got number one, this
Zambia
Mm.
Botswana.
Nambia.
It's Namibia anyway, but it's not
Botswana.
the one below, it's bad luck
Botswana.
Botswana.
Oh I thought number twelve was
had a big war for a long time, Angola.
Oh Angola.
Fancy not knowing that
These are all the easy ones, I picked all the easy ones.
Two.
Right, you better
Zimbabwe
get two
Right, two is
I told you.
You wouldn't listen to me.
No, but it 's, where's it's erm, it's
you
it's not very well
can you imagine, can you imagine on the top of it
Dad
Zambia's L-shaped that is.
how do you know why
sorry?
because that's not right up there then
Oh,.
That's misleading.
This is perfectly good scale so it's accurate, yeah
I've just, I traced it that's
O K.
I thought it joined up on Mozambique.
Sorry?
I thought the border was on Mozambique.
Border of what?
Mozambique
What about
Mozambique's on the coast's not on the coast.
Dad
Yeah, but then you, that impression made me think that all, it's all South Africa, which, which was why
And then I thought was erm
I'd coloured it in for you
I said, I said, I didn't think there'd be much discussion over this.
Kevin just take hold of this will you and have
Number three.
Number three.
Syria.
Ethiopia.
Kenya.
What's three
No, next to number four
Three
Three
Dad
Yes, who got Sudan?
We got one.
I thought Ethiopia was Sudan now?
At last.
Sudan, mm.
We put number eleven as Sudan.
Oh we didn't put anything.
Syria.
Right number four someone
Malawi
Yeah, very good.
Malawi oh
Niapaland I give
No.
What?
Niapaland.
Number five.
Number five
Nigeria?
Yeah.
Gold Coast
Nigeria.
Who's got Nigeria?
Er.
Oh
Oh
Six,
Libya
Algeria.
Morocco, Morocco
Morocco
Yeah.
You got that one?
had that one.
Seven I had Morocco.
Number seven.
Tunisia.
Alger
Greece
Oh.
Very good, you said you didn't get them.
Only got two out of seven
Tunisia.
What is seven?
Tunisia.
Tunisia.
What did we have?
I can't
Oh we had Morocco the wrong way round.
Eight, we got Egypt
Oh.
it's Egypt.
Number eight, Egypt.
Yeah.
You all get that one?
Yeah, we all got that.
But you see doing them in the isolated spot
Makes it harder
yeah you don't join them up, I mean I've got to know the borders
Oh
Yeah, that's the same for us all
Oh it's so unfair isn't it?
Yeah, but you
Did anybody get number nine as well?
Nigeria.
Didn't get any one.
Oh, I got there.
Number ten then.
Number ten?
Toga.
Close.
Ivory Coast.
Oh.
I did.
Have you written
What did he put?
He put three times.
Right, who's
Number eleven?
Mozambique
Ethiopia.
Sudan.
Is that it?
Number eleven
Mozambique
Kenya.
Oh is it?
Oh got that right
Kenya's lake, Kenya's got a border with
Why who thinks was a country?
I thought Kenya was a
Yeah.
Botswana, Botswana
Who thought twelve was a
No I would.
Congo.
It's a Conga.
Yes it is, it's the Belgium Conga with
Well honestly I get the back of the
You put Belgium Congo 's, no
Good gracious.
I 'm ashamed of myself.
Didn't get anything there did you?
Add up your scores, one for every one you got right.
Well I 'm totally ashamed.
So am I, cos I, I don't like that map, I don't like that map at all, I mean if you drew a map
Look lady twenty years of don't you
Don't that was traced, a.
The point is
I never had a map you haven't joined up so you know which country
You couldn't join them wide, join them up and confuse actually.
No.
You should, you should do another one on the counties.
I know, I've got a map of that, it's unbelievable.
Kenya, Kenya was this one.
Oh.
Oh the counties were in English, but
Well what did you do
I don't know I might not
What did you get?
Two
The counties I could do that.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, the counties.
I 'm very disappointed.
Two out of twelve
Yes, I should be
between Malawi and
Well I bought cake and.
Right, Paul, you got nineteen, mum's got, mum and Andy
Hey you say the picture one was separate.
You got nineteen?
You said the scores for the picture one was separate
Oh you old clever dick
I made, I made then up
Two
I made
You got three on that.
Oh, nineteen altogether, that's good, twenty three altogether, that's good, twenty nine
Oh.
They've got
Nineteen and a half you're catching up, you're catching up, right.
That half might make all the difference.
Were losing
Yeah, might.
How you've got twenty nine?
True, true
It's a bit expensive
The fact you box him round the ears to get the half point, true I think.
are we?
Yeah.
Can we change the more
what was I saying?
When we gon na ask the question?
Right, Peter's get ready, questions
One to ten?
One, thirteen
called Peter and you do
One
One to what?
Thirteen
Ask some questions that
One to thirteen
me and Paul will
Well I have got, at least you 'll get some of these, these, these are all Christmas questions.
Oh.
Thirteen.
Ruth's books, so she 'll probably know all them
Say the Father Christmas joke now.
I don't know a Father Christmas, you do, you know
Who says ho, ho, ho?
Father Christmas.
Father Christmas lying on his back.
Alright, O K, yes, I, I knew it would die so that's what I said, but
That one right
Right, in which pantomime would you find the following characters?
Is this just number one?
Number one, a character called, don't call out
Don't call out.
write it down, people here will be giving away your points, a character called Dandeanee whisper it or write it down so that people can't hear, that's right.
Everybody ready?
Yeah.
Number two
Mm, mm.
right
Yeah.
A character, a cow sold for a bag of beans.
Oh.
Beans, beans.
In what pantomime?
Just one bean.
No it's a sack of them.
No, two.
No, you're quite right.
Why?
Because you said
Because you told her
number one, in what pantomimes are these characters?
Are these characters, yeah.
I got A, B
We all thought it was all part of number one.
Question two that was.
Yes, number three.
I haven't had what question two is, what is it?
A cow sold for a bag of beans, what pantomime was that in, a cow sold for a bag of beans.
Excuse me, as we're being recorded it is a pantomime
You're well informed then.
Oh yes.
Pantomime, correction, pantomime
Can't we
Pantomime
Pantomime
loved to be in a pantomime.
Recorded all this?
Yep.
Oh dear oh dear, right
Any
a widow who runs a Chinese laundry
Is that the name of a thing?
I 'll give you one mark
Yeah, but is that
I want one mark for the pantomime and one mark for the character
I was
listen
Of the what, just for number three?
Yes, whenever I say.
Right.
What you
You have the whole class yelling at you, that ain't fair Mick
Number four.
Can we have the first question again please?
A character called Dandeanee, in what pantomime?
Question number four, a very large white bird in what pantomime?
Whisper it, very quietly
Oh yes, well done
Question five, coming off the pantomimes now
Yeah.
what kind of fruit sauce is traditionally eaten with turkey?
I know you know the answer to that one.
Karen's is the best in the world.
But dad, are we, are we pantomime
Yes, that was after the, you realize that was after the
That, that was after
I did say
he did say that was after the pantomime.
Off the pantomime.
Number six was the sending of Christmas cards introduced in the year eighteen forty six, eighteen forty eight or eighteen fifty.
Very
So who can guess, come on who can guess?
Can you read them out again please?
I have the three
Eighteen forty six, eighteen forty eight, or eighteen fifty take a guess can't you or you have one in three chances this is one I didn't know, who were the Magi?
I hope you do know now.
Yes I do know now.
What do you mean?
Who were the Magi, what, who where they and I 'll give you an extra mark for each one of their names, I didn't know they had any names.
Who
How could Magi's
M A G I
I know
Magi
I know two of them
can't spell it what's the third one called
One mark if you could tell me who, who, what, who they were.
What, what?
One mark for each one of their names.
I don't know it at all.
I won't blame
I know two of the names the third, I do
Ruth's got it right, I know.
Can we get extra point
I didn't know
Yeah I know, but they're brilliant.
in pairs are thought to be clever dicks, sorry.
I did have Michael, but
Oh is he?
Yeah, he's
If I could remember the third one, we'd get another point wouldn't we?
I bet he'd might of known that one.
Can we, do we get points if we put down what they brought?
No, no.
Well that's right, give it away the first part of the question
Ah?
Question eight,
Right,
Seven, oh no, eight.
eight,
We missed seven.
Where did Jesus, Mary and Joseph flee to when Herod decreed that all baby boys should be killed?
You repeat that
Where did Jesus, Mary and Joseph flee to
Oh I know, I think
when Herod decreed that all baby boys should be killed?
Yes that right.
Is it?
Yeah.
I think it's that.
The bible.
Is it Bethlehem?
No, that was where he was born.
We might catch up a bit here.
Yeah, we might.
If I could remember the name of the third wise man.
Ready, question nine, these the following lot I want you to fill in the blanks
Fill in the blanks.
Every time I say blank there's a word, right?
Yeah.
Kevin.
How many words in a blank?
Somebody just gave it away.
Oh is this nine, ten and eleven
I saw blank, blank come sailing by I saw blank, blank
Which number is that?
Which number is that?
That's number nine, fill in the blanks.
I saw blank, blank come sailing by question ten blank, blank but once a year
What's that?
Blank, blank, but once a year
once a year actually.
I like, it is my favourite
It's something to do with
Number eleven.
What was ten then?
What
Blank, blank but once a year
something, something but once a year.
Blank, blank, but once a year.
Do you get two points if you get both words?
She
I think it's gon na be split like that cos some people are gon na have one word perhaps, I don't know, I 'll have to
Good job
I like number eleven, I like number eleven, all I want for Christmas is my blank front blank think hard.
Mine, that's happened to me, two weeks before.
, hang on say it again.
All I want for Christmas is my blank front blank.
Do Michelle?
Oh come on Michelle, it's obvious
I know
The answer is that and that, not that.
Yes, that's the answer.
Now Michael should of been here for this one,
Oh something to do with, about
God Bless us everyone said blank, blank
What
Let him finish
God Bless us everyone said blank, blank yeah
Yeah.
God Bless us everyone
How many years ago was that?
said blank, blank.
Hard one that in n it?
Oh somebody who said it?
Yeah, yeah.
God bless us everyone
Michael said it.
said blank, blank
I know, you should got that one.
Yes you should get that one
blank, blank, did this.
We went for
Mutty you went as well, you saw Michael play the part.
Yes I did, he got up and said God bless us everyone
And Michael played it.
Oh yes
on the head wouldn't it?
The only laugh I remember.
Right last one.
wasting his
Yes.
What was eight again, can you just
Eight?
Eight, question eight.
Where does Mary and Joseph
Where did Jesus, Mary and Joseph flee to when
flee
Oh yeah.
Herod decreed that all baby boys should be killed?
We've had that haven't we?
Yeah I know.
That's all we've got
The last one, the holly and the ivy now they are both blank, blank.
We don't
Holly and the ivy now they are both blank, blank.
We've got a lot of right ones here.
Ooh.
I can't remember the name of the third wise man.
Just remember what it is
So if we get two of the wise men
I 'm glad you can't Ruth
we get two points
I 'm very glad you can't
It disappeared.
I 'll be silent as well
If these answers are right, you did very well.
Right.
Answer to the first one.
Here you are then.
Really want one more wise man and we get full marks
Are we all ready?
Yes
Yeah.
Question number one, a character called Dandeanee.
Cinderella
Cinderella
Puss In Boots
No it's Cinderella
Cinderella
Cinderella.
Well done Joy you've got that one.
Yeah, I knew that was wrong
Yeah
when I got the other.
A cow sold for a bag of beans.
Jack and the Beanstalk
Yes, one mark.
A widow who runs a Chinese laundry
Widow Twankey
Widow Twankey with Aladdin
Aladdin.
Aladdin.
Aladdin
Aladdin
If both you get two.
Oh yes.
Yes.
What's that?
Oh right
Mark for Aladdin, mark for Widow Twankey.
Yeah.
A very large white bird.
Mother Goose.
Mother Goose
One mark.
Ugly Duckling, that was a good guess Lisa.
Mother Goose.
No party pieces
What you
Cranberry sauce
cranberry sauce
Good try though, hang on, hang on let me say the question first
What is the British sauce traditionally cranberry sauce
Cranberry sauce.
Right, what, when was the sending of Christmas cards introduced?
Give us, just give us, give us
Forty eight
Eighteen forty eight
Eighteen fifty
It was eighteen forty six, eighteen forty six
Oh
Nobody got, eighteen forty six.
Who got it
No one got it
I the middle one
I, can I answer number seven please?
Number seven, who were the Magi?
Wise men.
One mark for three, three wise men
Wise men
King
Kings
The three kings
They get one for that, they
Yeah, but they ain't got their names
Yeah
Melphor Beltravers
Oh shut up.
and Casper.
You've read that.
I didn't.
We did Casper, we get four for that
All three yes,
How many did we get four for that, four altogether for that, Ruth
And if you just have wise men?
One
Read this book didn't you?
I didn't.
She got all that on her own.
Don't forget I 'm
Egypt, Egypt
Where did Jesus
Ah, you missed one
No I didn't, Egypt, where did Jesus, Mary and Joseph flee to, Egypt.
Oh we had that till
No.
Three ships.
Three ships.
Three ships
Three ships
Three ships, one mark.
Yeah.
You get two for.
No, no.
Nothing.
Number ten any wants
Xmas
Christmas comes
Comes but once a
Christmas comes
Oh yeah.
but once a year.
So that's two for that is it?
No one.
Christmas comes, you have blank, blank, two
You can give us two
for
No, unless someone's got just Christmas.
Two front teeth.
All I er
No, no
The answer is two teeth
Two teeth
not two front teeth
Cos I crossed it out.
Not according to the judicator
That's what we put
Will somebody sing it.
All I want for Christmas is my
Two front teeth.
Oh
Two teeth, two
Yes, the answer is two teeth, alright, front, yeah O K.
Can I cross that
I put front in brackets.
Oh
That was one was it?
One mark for all these yeah
Tiny Tim, yes.
Tiny Tim, yeah.
I put little Tim
No, half, half, half.
No nothing it's wrong.
Number thirteen holly and the ivy now they are
Full grown
Where'd you get that?
One, two, three, four, five
Well
Oh you, won't get the rest of these.
Eighteen.
Twelve.
Fourteen
How do you get fourteen?
Fourteen and nineteen and a half.
Paul, thirty three and a half.
Nineteen and a half.
I 'm really not with this you know
I 'm not
What did you get grandma?
Well
What did you get?
You get?
Twelve.
Ooh.
Ooh.
fourteen
Funnily enough we've got fourteen
Fourteen so I can get it in
Oh yeah you 'll get your bonus
Well
Yeah.
Not enough
Not enough, is it?
What you get mum, mum?
I 'll add them up for you.
And there's another
I think ours is thirty three and a half Ruth I think
What we got now then our, twenty nine isn't it?
She's just adding them up, she 'll call them out
Paul's got twenty eight and a half, mum's got
No, twenty eight and a half's not bad.
thirty five
It's not brilliant either.
Oh done wrong.
You thirty five mum?
got forty one.
Good god.
We've got
We're both thirty three and a half I think.
Thirty three and a half?
I think so, we're still lagging behind
We're third
Quite interesting though cos it's quite equal really
More questions
Number fourteen Christmas
How many?
Uncle, uncle why then you have some on for like
Thanks Kev
How many?
stroppiness.
How many?
Quite rightly
Questions please.
What?
Fourteen in this one.
Fourteen.
Ask some good ones
Good game.
Every time I've asked him to do anything in the last three days, I can't, working out the quiz.
Right.
Shut up, right, number one
Hang on
What's the logic of
Yeah.
This is a mixed bag of
Oh Kevin isn't.
Number one, name Britain's largest wild mammal
Largest
wild mammal.
or sea
No sea is
I 'll give it to you, oh land on land, we don't want you confused.
Britain's largest wild mammal
Wild mammal.
I haven't got a clue, what do you think about that?
I think I know this one.
Whisper it.
Hang on, er wild
I 'll come back on this one
Scotland, there's a clue there.
Could be.
Oh I know what it is then.
Mm.
I think it's a
Yeah who that?
I don't know if you've heard of them
Scotland, is it that, do they have those in Scotland?
may as well
Word of warning, I 'll give you a word of warning, I 'll give you an extra mark for an absolute accuracy.
There's two words in it aren't there?
Yeah
Yeah
Two marks for that for accuracy
Accuracy.
Number two, here's one for mum, the dahlia is popular in Britain, from which country did it originate?
Mutty might know this one as well.
The dahlia, which country did it originate from?
Gon na say anything else Eric?
Are you implying that it's not very long been in this country?
No, been, quite a long dahlia
Dahlias were in my dad's days so
No, but I mean in terms of hundred of years
Oh
Oh yes, hundred of years.
Yeah.
Now then, next one, hurry up
Why couldn't you ask about tulips I could've told you about.
Come on Bamber
Come on Bamber get a move on.
Oh here's one for mum, she 'll get this one.
Lyde is a seaside resort, where?
I know that.
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
Everybody gets them right you
Even ages
I knew where was
Yeah
You didn't get the question right though.
Why I said dad, she said mum, he said mum will know I, said well he managed
mum will go to the, the one of the
No,
ah, that's why I said it.
Alright two if we're
Dad wasn't that a bit simple?
Number four.
Alright, what about this one, what is nix, what is nix?
I know.
N I X
What?
She sings with er, in Fleetwood Mac, Stevie Nix
What is what?
Nix.
you're asking for the comprehension of the word.
Yeah what does it mean
Yeah.
when someone says nix?
You're nicked
No that's N I C K S you're nicks, nicks.
I, I thought, I was thinking of
You want N I X
Question five
Oh I got it wrong then if
What first then
N I X.
This is another word for this dictionary is it?
It means
Number five, which coin ceased to be legal tender in August the first, nineteen sixty nine?
Sorry about that over there
Oh.
Sorry about that over there
I know, I know.
Yeah.
Nineteen sixty nine, August the first, nineteen sixty nine.
Sorry what was the question again?
Ceased to be legal
Which coin ceased to be legal tender in August the first, nineteen sixty nine?
Sixty nine.
Might of been
Probably, probably leave it, leave that
No, that was before then.
Eighteen.
Yeah, probably about right, twenty two years ago.
Right, next question
That second one
Come on I 'm gon na hurry you.
I 'll put that down, cos I don't know.
Right oh, number six, who is the goldies crew?
Oh I know
Who's the goldie crew?
Erm
Who are the goldie crew?
Who are the goldie crew?
Is the goldie crew?
Who are
No, what do they do, I know,
First
do you have to get it exact?
Yes, yeah.
Do you have to get it exact?
Er, ah.
I can be, be
We had a quiz like this at work and our captain couldn't
Yeah, but I don't know which team that I 'm on?
Who is and who are can make a difference.
Yeah,
Dad, what they do or
Telling me what they do is, telling me what they do, is telling me what they are.
Who is it?
The golden crew.
I know.
The golden crew
It wasn't Star Trek was it?
Here's number eight.
A yellow jersey is the coveted prize, in which sport?
Yeah.
Oh I know that.
Say that again.
A yellow jer not the yellow jersey a yellow jersey, see a coveted prize in which sport?
Andy will know that
What number is that?
Number seven is that?
That was seven.
Yeah, Andy knew that.
Oh, yes
Easy for us.
yes, I know it is dear.
Why?
Oh yes of course
Number eight
say which country
Oh it's a good one, it is good, the Crucible is a venue for snooker contest, which city is it in?
Oh.
Mm.
The Crucible.
Is it?
Snooker.
What you gon na put?
I was gon na put that.
Sshh, mm
You think it's the better one?
I think you're right there
Alright.
It isn't Eric
when I out Eric?
I, I, I should be drummed out of the
Here's a hard one, hard one coming up.
I think that, I 'm not sure.
Number nine you alright?
Yeah.
You alright brain boxes?
Yeah, they're such brain boxes especially they are
they come up with so many answers they never know which one to pick.
Right, number nine, which sport world cup was hosted at Willesden in ninety eighty six?
Which sport's
Oh dear
got it's own world cup, and it, this time it was hosted cap Willesden in ninety eighty six?
Ninety eighty six, can't be.
No.
I don't know
No, I
I 'm not sure, but that sounds about right.
Yeah.
I 'll give a clue, lunch, lunch
Yes.
Lunch
That's right isn't it Joy?
Oh well I should know both of what I say
, well what you say,
I should
and what I say, it won't
That's for mum to know and you to guess.
Why should you know?
Well we've got to guess why she said that.
Alright, mum
She's got to rack her brain through er
Only the four I ever associate with
Right number ten then, number ten
Perhaps you're right.
If it's that hard I had it before you said that.
Alright
Did you?
That's good, name the two fences
which are only jumped once
Only question
in the Grand National, two fences
Ooh
Oh yes
but they only go over once in the Grand National.
It's that really dangerous
That's right.
any help.
Oh dear, I've
I want two names
I want two names
Oh the other one's a water one.
There's two names for two
Yeah that one
separate fences
which are only jumped once
I can't remember that one.
Put that round the wrong way.
Right, there's only one, there's only one person who's gon na know this, this question,
That's me.
little Paul, I think.
Little Paul.
Number eleven, The Tangerines are the nickname of which football club?
Oh yes, think about it.
What the proper nickname?
No, I want the names
No, no, but is it the proper nickname on the
Well I think so.
Alright, Eric knows.
Well yes he might, yes, I could see why he would know, yeah.
Why?
Yeah I can't, well I'd give it away.
Is it a proper nickname?
Yes I think it is.
Oh you want the nickname?
No
No
Oh.
That's the nickname of the Tangerines
Will you
Yeah
Sorry what's
It's a nickname of a famous football club
That's right, yeah.
Oh the won't know that over there.
No, maybe not, no.
Andy won't know that.
Write it down, I 'm not sure.
Tangerine Paul 'll know that.
That's the only one I've got
It doesn't make any connection with
I 'll give you a clue, it's to do with their stripe.
I know, but
It might grow
called eagle.
Right, number twelve
Number twelve.
it's an easy one, what must ladies wear in the Royal Enclosure at Royal Ascot?
Can we have two answers?
It's alright you all know the answer now
Thank you Eric.
I knew it anyway.
Well there's only one in
But we did know it Eric.
Did you?
Yeah.
Number thirteen, two more to go.
This is a good one as well, which creature may be called
That
Bubbly Jocks in Scotland?
Spell it.
Bubbly Jocks
The biggest mammal in the world
Bubbly Jocks, J O C K S, Bubbly Jocks in Scotland
Yeah.
Creature?
Which creature?
Oh.
It's called a Bubbly Jock
Yeah, yeah.
I've got
Is it a mammal or what?
What was the question or please, sorry.
I 'll give you a clue, it's a bird Kev.
Oh.
Which creature may be called a Bubbly Jock in Scotland?
May be called.
it's a bird.
It's a bird.
I 'll give you a little time for that one.
Eagle.
Kestrel.
Last one
why we didn't hear, what was thirteen.
Thirteen, with which creature may be called a Bubbly Jock in Scotland?
How do spell that
Bubbly Jock
second word?
Cos it's a bird.
It's a bird.
J O C K S
You were right about those two weren't you?
Ha
You're right about you two, you are good.
They shouldn't have.
You don't guess do you, they
Last question
What term describes a group of ducks?
A of ducks, a of ducks.
Oh it's a funny one isn't it?
The something of ducks.
No, really strange ducks.
No, but I can't think what it is.
Not the no
No, that's geese.
With duck, not geese.
No, a of ducks.
You said it.
Group name of ducks.
I don't think it is that, but I don't know.
Right, ready for answers?
Yeah.
I think it begins with
Name Britain's largest known mammal?
Loch Ness Monster
Moose
Lock Ness Monster
Red Deer
Red Deer
Red Deer, two marks
Hooray we've got it.
Deer one mark.
Well my moose is a deer
It's not moose
There aren't any mooses in this country.
Canadian
I thought a reindeer, but they're
That's what I said
aren't they?
They used to be
Right two, the dahlia what country?
Japan
India
India.
Japan.
Russia.
Mexico.
Oh Mexico
Mexico
Nowhere near it.
Not a lot of people know that.
No, we do now.
Everybody knows this one.
Right, number three.
Isle of Wight.
Isle of Wight.
You did know Mutty
One point
you did know.
One point, what
Is that all?
Isle of Wight
Yes.
I though we would of got three, one for
Good try Andrew.
What is nix?
Nothing.
That's how many points you get
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nil
Nil, one point for nothing.
Two for nothing.
Oh two for nothing.
Two for nothing.
That's the actual word, nothing to hand down for.
Where did that come from?
Nix, nicta, not is not German isn't it, nix, I don't know.
Right, which coin ceased to be legal tender
Threepence.
Sixpence.
Threepence.
Fifty P
Earlier.
That sided hexagon.
Half a crown, sixpence.
Er, right, what is it?
Old half penny.
Oh.
What is it?
Old half penny.
No not half penny
No you've got half a crown, you cheat.
Number six, who got six?
Blackpool
The Italian yacht
The crew often
Oh, I 'm sorry yes what
it's a crew.
Definitely one for that, it's the second crew, it's the reserved crew of Cambridge
Crew in the box, I second crew oh look I got second crew, second crew
You got second crew which is two
in
No, one mark.
Is that all?
You can't put both for that one
That, it means nobody else
Seriously, what was the question?
Goldie crew.
Goldie crew.
I 'm sorry that is mean
I've got all the words
All the words
number seven.
Precisely.
Dad you put
You're so mean.
The yellow jersey coloured
Don't you dare give them two, one.
One.
it's not the Tour De France anyway
Never, they never started
Right, which sport's world cup was hosted at Willesden?
number eight.
How about number eight, come on.
Oh yes, so sorry.
Oh yes.
Sheffield.
Bournemouth.
Sheffield.
Bournemouth.
Sheffield.
Sheffield.
Yes, yes
I thought it was Coventry
We even had Birmingham at
Bournemouth.
Right which sport's world cup
Swimming
Bowls, bowls.
tennis
Tennis.
Tennis.
Ice skating.
Hockey.
Hockey.
Cricket.
I said hockey.
don't you?
Just remember next year, you do not put me in for
I think you 'll win anyway.
I had it written down Kev.
Er
Number ten
Right number ten, name the two fences which are only jumped once in the Grand National.
Beechers Brook
Beechers Brook
Beechers Brook
the Chair
What I got here, the Chair
Yes, of the Chair
Oh yes.
I got, that it's got, had water jump.
That's Beechers Brook
Beechers Brook
It had water jump.
The only reason is, the only reason we got that right is that's the only two names of the fences we knew.
Yeah.
Well we're all, all happy.
Right, number twelve, oh no, number eleven.
Blackpool
Blackpool
Blackpool.
Tangerine.
I, I knew it was
I don't think we're gon na get any more points
That's gold
on this.
Right
What
Everybody ready?
Yeah.
That's twenty ahead I think
Question one name the first English printer.
I know, I know
Voice down.
just done it in a project.
Got it?
I
Do we get two points for both names?
christian name
Thank you.
Christian name and surname.
Just done it.
Yeah
Two points for this
I haven't got his christian name
Ooh, you haven't got his christian name?
Oh dear me.
I don't know both names
.
We can beat the quiz master.
In which year did the great fire of London occur?
Which year, I want the
Oh
exact year
Are they all history questions?
No.
Oh no
Yes, something that this, this day and date that's in the
Right question three.
Hold on.
No one 'll get the answer to this, but I just wan na ask the question to this.
Did you add, did you add one question on the end that I would answer
You can't be that dumb.
Question three, who discovered Uranus in ninety seventy six?
I just wanted to say that question, so, who discovered Uranus in seventeen eighty one?
Er
Well you need to give us a clue or there's no point asking the question.
W, H.
William Holden.
I du n no.
Oh yeah.
Question four, I don't think, question four how many sides has the brass threepence, the old brass threepence?
Oh dear.
Easy
How many sides has the old brass threepence?
Eight.
I don't know in my life.
Threepenny bit.
I've got one at home
Can't remember.
I 'll give you one mark for er the right answer and two
Two for the wrong.
two extra, two extra, no one extra, one extra for the exact
You are enjoying this aren't you Kevin?
What was the Silver Ghost?
I know dad
I want, I 'll give you two marks
Hang on.
for the accurate.
I know
Is it that?
what that is
Eric was it that?
Silver Ghost
I don't know.
It's that.
Cos Adrian this is true to
Mum
Was it that or was it a
Yes, yes you're right
the answer's obvious but there's a little bit to it as well.
Yeah.
Someone can experiment
You think it's one of those
Yeah.
You don't know any more?
No.
That mean get three points if you get that right?
No, it's two, you get one for the right answer
Eric
one more for
do you think it was one of those?
No, but he might of got it wrong you don't know that.
that's right, well love what was the
Number six.
no you're not supposed to tell people.
keep picking up your answers
Yeah, it's your
It always happens though.
Why
losing, she only wants to show off.
Why was Edward the black prince so called?
Why was Edward the black prince
Oh I know.
so called?
I think I know.
Could it of been?
Could of been, yeah.
Thanks Paul,
I hadn't seen the
How do you tell the age of a horse?
Oh that one
Oh.
Oh I was thinking of a tree
Oh I know.
How do you, yes your
By the br
your way
Cut it half and count the rings.
How do you tell the age of a horse?
Question
How
Easy
know that one.
There's one for Mutty.
What is a Blenheim orange?
What is a Blenheim orange?
Question nine.
What is a coypu?
A coypu.
Oh I know.
A coypu.
Do we have to know exactly?
Well no
What
No, no
What is a coypu?
Yes.
How's it spelt dad?
C O Y
C O Y P U.
And no marks for the obvious answer here, question ten, what are the willies?
Sshh.
What are the willies?
Yeah, anybody want another?
up to fourteen and then
Number eleven.
Number eleven.
Name the famous golf club, and golf course at Virginia Water.
Er
Yes.
Name the famous golf club and course at the Virginia Water.
Oh dear, oh dear.
Oh yeah.
Thank you everybody.
May I ask one?
Number twelve, what is measured in Ells?
E L L S.
Why should I know, should I know particularly?
You should know.
Eh.
Is it a volume or, or a
Unit I suppose.
I think it's a, I think it's a volume, but I don't know what it measures.
What is measured in Ells?
Do you mean the letter Ls, or
No it's E L L S
E L L S
Not water then, not, not metres?
Michael you can give your answer
Oh right.
Right question thirteen, two more to go let's finish, question thirteen
I think about ells, I haven't
What was the name given to the tight trousers worn by teddy boys?
It's more like
Oh.
Oh yes, we know that one.
Tight trousers worn by teddy boys.
Erm, can we write our erm
You're trying to catch me
You're an old smart you really are.
Yeah.
Oh that's not fair, you're asking qu, no you ask questions
I know
from outside the quiz.
Last one, easy question.
What is a Friesian?
Yes.
You know, you know.
Right, does Michael want to have a number fifteen then?
The same.
Hang on, say that again.
What is a Friesian?
Friesian.
A Friesian?
Yeah, but you can't do that, cos you're in the team.
No you.
No cos you're
Order.
She was, she's not with us she said.
Go.
Go on then.
Enlighten us.
Enhance us with
Yeah.
What did Kevin Cosner play, what's his name?
Eh?
Say that again.
What?
What character, the character that Kevin Cosner played in Dances With Wolves, haven't got a clue, this is not fair cos you're making us fall further behind if we don't know the answer
And then there is B to it, what?
No, that 'll have to be number sixteen.
Oh I seen the film
No alright, we've just
Can I just do one more then?
I just
No.
I just want to do, who invented the toilet?
That, do I know the answer to that, William Crapper.
No it wasn't
I know.
It was Thomas Crapper.
How many was fourteen or fifteen?
Alright number one.
Right, answers, question one
William Capstan.
William Capstan.
Oh yeah.
Yes,
Well you know William you can have two points
I, I believe you.
favouritism.
In which year did the great fire of London take place?
Seventeen ninety three
Sixteen sixty six.
Sixteen sixty two.
Yeah.
Very good.
Seventeen ninety three.
Very good.
The year after the plague
Sixteen sixty five was the plague
I didn't know the year of the plague
Sixteen sixty six was the year of
No one answer, no one you
Yeah, Wilhelm Ulasey.
No William Hurschell.
We've put five question marks
Ah?
We've got five question marks.
Number four, how many sides has a brass threepenny bit?
Twelve.
Eight.
Twelve.
Twelve.
Twelve it is.
Twelve.
Oh six one side, six the other.
Oh.
No it isn't, it's twelve all the way round shape
All the way round, who's got one?
I got that.
Who's got one?
You got that?
Yeah.
Adrian what
Got a lot more than you think.
what was the Silver Ghost?
Rolls Royce.
Rolls Royce motor car.
It's a figurine of the women.
Rolls Royce one point
And it's the figurine of the women
Phantom.
Something about the Silver Ghost
Dad, it's the Silver Shadow
I, it isn't
No.
Phantom.
You've one mark for Rolls Royce you get two, an extra mark for saying Rolls Royce first model.
Oh.
number six.
It was also that figurine of the women
Was
was based on
Really?
No you can't have another point.
Cos we went to
Why was Edward the Black Prince so called?
Cos he wore black armour.
Cos the black death happened in his reign.
He had black armour.
Black armour, colour of his armour is black.
Oh, very good.
You got that one Joy.
Very good.
A little guess
How much we get for that?
Michelle knew number seven, I saw
I think we 're, I think we're falling behind here.
Falling behind here.
Who's got number eight?
Apple
Apple, one mark.
I remember that.
Number nine, what is a coypu?
A wolflike animal.
Rodent.
Rodent, yes, we got that.
A rodent, yes
You said, we didn't have to be exact.
Say that again mum.
Animal, that's not good enough
Mum, mum
I said how exact do we have to be.
Point two five.
Called again?
Michelle
I said, you didn't say if that was an animal, I was
Ha, a six pack of coypu
No, no, don't wash, don't wash.
Right, number ten, what are the willies?
Islands
Depression, depression.
Nerves
The nerves.
We put depression.
Well that I've got the willies that's what
I think I 'll give that.
losing.
Yes, I 'll give that.
You know where that comes from
you know that women in white, that's written by Willy.
Yeah.
No, Wilky Collins wrote that.
Oh Wilky Collins.
Willy Collins
It's like you say, someone gives me the willies.
That's right, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I thought of that but I didn't think that could be right.
Right, number eleven who got the famous gold course
Collindale
Wentworth.
Yes.
We did
What is it?
Erm
One mark for that man
What is measured in ells?
Material
Water.
Very good.
What did she say?
Lengths of cloth.
Oh lengths of cloth.
How did you know that?
I heard it somewhere, I, I
do it in feet and inches.
You know where I have heard it from, it's from work, because er they do, they do lengths and stuff and
Really, oh.
and I knew I'd
Right, who got thirteen then?
Drain pipes
Drain pipes is
Drain pipes, yeah
Drain pipes.
What?
I didn't say that did I?
I tell you what I guarantee Karen wouldn't have known the answer to the next one if she hadn't known me.
Right.
The mind boggles.
What is a Friesian?
A cow
A cow
A cow.
You can say old Friesian you.
Hey, I won.
Add them all up.
I thought he said Friesian.
Karen, I think you out on that.
What you get?
Eight.
Eight.
Thirteen.
Oh.
Oh they're cheating.
Eight.
No they won, we came last.
No we equalled them though.
I don't know, probably
I get one more.
You'd better give the prizes, I 'll have the.
I vote that And Andy and Karen don't play together any more.
Kevin said they 'll win.
You said that's why they don't need three people in their team.
Dad what about the prizes?
Right, I don't, I mu, I must say I don't think I would of won without Karen, she got most of them, I was writing them down most of the time.
Someone, oh someone's taken the prizes, disappeared, dad.
What, someone's eaten them.
Karen can't have chocolate
Who said I can't?
I love Ferrero Roche
I thought I'd won after the Kevin I thought, I thought I'd won after the third round so I ate them.
Do like Ferrero Roche.
Jolly nice if it was on.
Turn your light on Michael.
I 'll put the kettle on.
the sandwiches aren't made yet, I don't know why.
I 'm sure, well done mate.
Hang on is this.
Anybody want to have a look at
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've forgotten what it looks like.
I've got one at home, but I've
much nicer.
Don't you remember using the
Yeah.
cos
Gosh aren't they tiny
What's that?
A threepenny bit.
That's a threepenny bit
I've never seen that
You know the first time I came in this country cos it was not decimal yet
Oh yeah.
Didn't they have character those coins.
Yeah, but I can't sides than that.
Yeah gran because of the fifty pence piece.
Yeah, yeah.
Remember those?
No, I've never seen
Can you, now there's twelve countries in the E E C, can you tell me what they are?
That's the the four colours, used to be on the
Er
Twelve of them, but I can't work out
Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg
Er, let's start from the top, there's Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg, Italy, Spain
Spain
France
France
Germany
Greece
Greece.
Greece
Greece
England if
Ireland.
Ireland.
No Ireland is
Eire
Oh yes, and
Twelve
Where's the other two, is Denmark in it?
Put them down there love
Denmark
just for a joke.
Sweden has applied, but they're not in yet
I don't know if Denmark
I 'm not sure if Denmark
Cos Den
Didn't they come out, Denmark were going
They have their own little grouping and I, how, how do you make twelve, there are twelve in there now
Yes, I know there are twelve
well who are the other ones then?
Twelve what?
Twelve countries in the E E C.
Oh
It's your
Can you
Can you name the twelve?
You see.
How about Portugal?
Well what about Portugal?
Portugal of course.
No it's not.
Yes it is, well
Portugal's in it,
Yes.
Well it's in the process of Spain.
Oh, I know that er, Austria
Austria and Sweden
Austria and Sweden are
I 'm surprised Austria wasn't in it anyway.
Oh no, photographs.
Are we now?
Yeah.
I think, oh I don't know.
Is it getting cold, oh my feet are getting cold.
Well these are warm
Well that's open that's why.
The others were perfectly alright, but they've just worn out, do you like these?
Has someone got a?
No.
Where, the spare were given to the children.
Who wants a Ferrero Roche?
Dad, dad.
half of mine.
Who wants a Ferrero Jacque?
Adrian, cos I know you do
Ferrero Jacque, Ferrero Jacque, dormez vous.
He's got one.
I've had, I've had Karen 's.
Who wants one?
I've got one.
You've had one?
Who hasn't got one?
No I don't want one thank you.
Who hasn't got one? oh well, ha
A hundred and seventy five
Cor I
I didn't think these were so good in their
How many.
Yeah, I got about half
Well we got other things, we've got to drop the kids off skating
Oh I see
Yeah.
And take the car back.
Take the car back to you, cos they're off tomorrow
use it tomorrow morning and
Sorry?
Got to use it for the paint.
No I ain't.
No he isn't.
Oh.
It's not insured
He was originally, when he was doing the
December the second.
No.
No, it runs out at twelve o'clock tonight.
Oh does it?
I think, now you say that, it's probably twelve o'clock tomorrow.
Well I even say the originally, he was going to come over with Robert stuff
Mm.
Now
Oh yeah I see
with this Molly lady.
How you getting back
This afternoon
Er one minute past midnight on the second of December.
Oh that's alright, today's the thirty first tomorrow's the first.
No, tomorrow's the second
Is there a birthday today?
No.
No, it's the second tomorrow.
Second tomorrow.
So it just runs out past midnight tonight.
on the second it's the, it's the first today isn't it?
No, a minute past midnight on the second.
They don't have to be that
Right, so other words one A M on the second that's right.
Well you really want it don't you?
Mm.
You really want it really
and er I 'm
How you getting back from Joy and tonight?
Carole's picking me up.
Are they?
Carole's picking me up, oh she 'll pick me, yeah, but we've got to go to Epsom anyway so we 'll go pick up Carole's car and
Yes I only opened it, cos I want Angie to come over to help bring the food over, cos we've only got the one little car,
Yeah.
and if the food and the drink to come over
Yeah.
well
Uncle Adrian
Yeah.
Do you want, do you want the
You're more likely to drop something.
Anybody want to see the one with the?
Jill can come over about
There, er nineteen
Nineteen fifty two, that's the older one.
that
Pick up the food and drink, it 's, it's all be at our house, van stopped to get the drink on and the glass
Paul, the coin shop?
Yeah.
I've got old sixpences here and
before nineteen twenty,
Ma, ma
Saw the content in them
Joy, you must ring up Jerry about the
Yes,
There's one there, nineteen, nineteen, the other one nineteen sixteen.
I think the oldest one we've got is something like got us a Roman coin, they.
We never recall one thing.
I never ever buy but they
Oh thank you.
I recorded three full tapes and then the head was slurry
Ooh.
everybody slurry plays
Some places it's perfect and other places it's slurry.
Have you tried to record?
Yeah.
Dad, you've only got one of them.
Radio.
Mum.
Yeah, I, I
You rest you've got loads of
I have some lovely tunes I have
No, it's very complicated
but
there used to be a
no in places it's so slurry, it's almost slowed down
mind you, I think Arthur will have plenty done.
There's one thing about it, only been a year old the heating is in good condition, you're warm in there.
It's only a year old that?
Yes.
No, you're this is a new one.
Oh it's been out there longer than a year though.
No, is it longer than a year?
Yeah, mm.
Too much exercising.
Well it's the same age as Waitrose isn't it?,
I would then say yes.
Before that.
Before that I would say
How old do you think it is then?
Well it's
Well I think a, they, knock, had to knock down the old brown hall
Yeah
build Waitrose
Yeah
they must before that they moved them out five or six years.
Oh not as much as
Joy it's not five or six years old is it?
About two or three I think.
I would say two, three, yeah, probably three I 'll say
Mm
cos I I saw
It's been a year practically hasn't it?
Yeah.
it's been finished, so it was, I would say I was going to town.
Where do you play badminton, upstairs?
No, downstairs in the front.
we're in the back are we?
When you see the all attractive with
What do top scoring then
Eighty.
eighty.
Narcissi smell strong Joy?
Pardon?
The narcissi smells strong.
They always do don't they?
It must be coming your way, it's not coming here.
No I can't smell it.
Were you here on the day your Joy?
No, I didn't, I said
Why'd you
We
Did you, yeah.
There are a lot of
I mean that erm, I don't like, what's that called
Yes,
Yeah.
and erm,
marigold erm, eh comes from Africa.
Oh by the way Adrian my
Yeah,
yeah, mine's going along quite nicely too and my, I've taken some er cuttings and they're popped up this week
Oh yeah.
and er that plant you gave me, whatever it's called, is er growing extra leaves
Oh yeah.
left, right and centre.
Wow, you
He's training
Andrew,
Mm.
Andrew got some wonderful flowers on here,
Well two years ago I did, but I didn't have any last year, two years ago it was a beautiful flower
Well last year we moved it out into the gardens.
Yeah mind you it's coming again now.
Oh, it might be something to do with the.
The original
It's something to do with the genes I think.
Oh, you can find out.
Ours have even doubled that ours
wasn't it?
That was when?
A bit straggly in comparison to ours isn't it Eric?
Oh dear.
Oh that will come on the
Look at that one we had
Erm, when all the flowers are gone do you feed it?
Well you just leave it alone don't you?
What?
After the flowers are gone, do you leave it?
Oh I leave it alone once the flowers are gone, I
Put it outside and that's it.
put it outside.
Couldn't.
Yeah, but you can't put it outside.
Well in the greenhouse if it's
Oh, mm.
Yes, I won't touch it after the flowers have gone
Cos it, it, it really is a miserable looking flower in the, in the winter
I started
Did you?
Yeah.
Again
A little er fish, fishes
Mm.
Do you
Tropicals?
No
No
No
Goldfishes
Oh right
How's your funny one?
What funny one?
The black one?
Black one
She's alright, I think so.
Yeah,.
Is she alright?
Yeah.
The other one keep
The other one bullies him a bit
The other one bullies him though does he?
There's still some though
I mean the way he chase round the edge chase round the bowl
Not male and female are they?
What with
What happened to Julie?
Oh not until about one o'clock.
Oh, the neighbour rang me up and said by the way she 'll be a bit late
Er, mm,
well, definitely a bit later.
It's alright, erm, want to sit down yet Paul?
Our lock is still
no
then.
Yes.
Yes, I 'll shall have to go and see at the traffic and find out what's gone wrong.
I really need to hang on to the key, is that alright?
If I hang on to the key?
We 'll take it back tonight,
if I hang on to that and put it away in the garage and hang on to the key so I can get the right, the right lock
this morning, and then the key, the key wouldn't work in the lock.
Oh dear.
So when, when you going to send
The mind boggles.
Tuesday
Tuesday
at one o'clock.
what you go in Karen's car?
Yeah.
It's not worth extending your hours cos you might get one any minute
No we can manage with one car, bus or walk
Our bus service is pretty good now though
The two one three is marvellous
yeah, I get, you know, walk to Bognor and then, never have walked back.
Karen couldn't believe I got back so quickly the other day.
Mm.
Dad
one of those.
Eight or ten minutes is all you usually wait though if you
Well I didn't even wait that long.
No, came along
Erm, when was the last time I caught a bus from you?
Paul
Friday.
He 'll be in favour with your dad won't he because I went, I, I
I got a, I went, I, I walk down
No Thursday
the bottom of the road
yeah
across the road and took my cigarettes out, out my pocket to light up a cigarette and a bus came round the corner so I put it back again.
Is it Marks', they Marks'?
Yes, to
Are those Marks'?
No.
No.
No Tudor Williams
Tudor Williams
Oh, Marks's have got a whole range of them as well.
No, but you can get, you can you can get, you can get to Wickham Avenue, the other end of Wickham Avenue from that.
A very nice shopping yeah big one.
Yeah
I think British
I've caught some, where I'd caught a bus to you, if, remember when I was decorating the flat?
Walk down Wickham Avenue and catch a bus at the end of the road
What bus is it?
Four O six is it?
Oh is it, the four O six?
No, no, it's a red bus.
A red bus or
I can't remember
My one
but it stopped outside the baths.
Yeah.
You can get to us, you can get on at the ba, at the baths and it comes up past Park and you get off, you get off at the end of Wickham Avenue
No it's the two nine three
How you going to
That's it
I can tell you.
Yes you did Joy.
Oh yeah.
As many services as possible
I mean fancy expecting me to go by tube
Two nine three
Yeah.
It stopped outside erm
The two nine three's every half hour.
Is it every half hour, as as that?
I think so, yeah,
Cos I looked at the timetable, I looked at the timetable when I, when I caught it over there,
it was on time too.
And the ninety three, I 'll always remember
Yeah.
You can catch a ninety three from Alison's to us
What rubbish.
the ninety three comes to us
Yeah, instead of walk right round nearly up to the
What's this
What Wimbledon station?
Yeah, cos the ninety three comes to the bottom of the as well.
Does it?
Not the ninety three, two ninety three, ninety three finishes
No, the ninety three comes to Wickham Avenue as well.
I thought it finished at North, er North Cheams.
It comes off at North Cheams and goes down Church Hall Road, and up Priory Road, till it the end of Avenue
Oh, I see, that end
Mm.
I 'm thinking it going from
Yeah, well I used to, I used to when I used to go.
Very good.
You ever see that
They
No not his, but another one.
Yeah.
and held his finger in a for three hours
Ooh, held his finger there
and surgeons battled to save his life
I don't think Baker's been a very good Home Secretary.
He's a bit of a flapper isn't he?
He flaps a bit, he always
He covers it up well, I never been as things wrong
He moves too late, I think
And then he fires from the hip while
Yeah then he fires from the hip and doesn't far too strongly.
It was a bit of a
Yeah
I don't think he's good at the job at all.
Well I don't know, I think he's covered up he's not good for a long time, I didn't know he was that bad.
What's that?
Er, table.
who was doing, who was erm Secretary before him?
Did you want any help?
Nope, we're alright
So you tell my that are frightfully posh drive, he comes in backwards oh who's that?
It feels colder out there, I don't
I felt cold, I feel it's got colder definitely
Sorry.
Oh.
Two little piggies
Oh,
that's what they used to do when they were young I always made two cakes.
Well which one 's, well this one's Karen 's, the one with the piggy on it
Piggy
Yeah.
You take great delight on that don't you?
No.
I only did two pigs
No
Which one's mum?
Which one
The pink one
do you think is mum?
the pink one is mummy
Oh the
the one with the piggy on it.
The is that, is that actually
It's one of fudge and one of
Happy birthday to you
one of sponge and one of fruit one.
believe that
and they all like the fruit one best
Yeah.
of course and they always wanted to
Isn't that nice?
Mm.
No, no I know he doesn't do them does he?
Who made that?
Who's the
Pink I suppose is Karen isn't it?
Yes of course pink is Karen
Pig for Karen.
Pig for Karen
Thank you dad for being so serious
What, it's a lovely idea
for me.
Yeah.
I thought it was you
I would, I wouldn't call you a pig at all.
I thought it was a
I think that's the way I
pig.
Karen if you go and sit on that seat over there then, come on
Oh alright
Oh no it isn't alright, I've got a bone
sit next to Karen and warm up
Now you can't always
It's a long way to have one
I think dad must of
You alright, a couple of there?
Yes, that's fine for Eric for a while.
Change places
I quite like sitting on especially to eat.
Well I do actually
Do you?
Seventeen ninety three?
That was a wild guess
Cor, strewth
Seventeen ninety three for the great fire of London.
That's when the fire brigade arrived.
Yeah, that's when the fire brigade arrived.
Paul, I had eighteen something
Thank you
You didn't?
Yes I did
Mine was a guess, I didn't know.
We just had a, we didn't know did we?
No.
What's query
what's query, query, query, query, query, query.
Query queen
You didn't know that
If you'd ask me to Battle of Hastings, I'd know that one
You alright?
it's the only date I did remember from school
Do you know it twenty to six we played that for about two hours was it?
Time goes doesn't it?
Thank you
What was the question for number seven?
He's got down wearing on his what's that?
I think Brian Adams is Everything I Do isn't it?
Oh I see.
Er, mum what are you doing?
That 'll be a good game trace, guess the questions from the, from the answers.
Not much questions.
Number nine a gun, what the hell's nine?
I don't know, I didn't hear the erm correct
Kev
What?
you're right about that as well, not much used at all.
Mum where do I, where's sitting?
She's reading Kev so you can say anything you like now.
No you can't she's listening now.
Anybody that hasn't got a plate take it.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Are we
What was number one?
Yes.
Paul.
I thought you do this
You know what he had for nix?
Knickers
Knickers.
Oh I see
Eric, Eric
What?
I thought you do this done it.
I've done it
Oh.
Sometimes I don't do things
Horn don't it?
No, blackberries.
What do you have horns for?
Yeah
What's
What dear?
Yeah, er, I sa, thought Eric would knock some here, but no, I mean
I mean what's Bournemouth colours?
Du n no.
What's Bournemouth colours Paulie?
red and white stripe
It's red and black
Red and black.
What do mean, wha, wha what's Bournemouth?
You had Bournemouth.
That's what I put the I thought the
Oh.
clue was in Bournemouth.
Sheffield
That one.
We had Sheffield
do you have tea?
I knew he'd have
was wearing tangerine.
Never put
What's the difference between gold and tangerine?
Go on
Mind you, I think, it's a bit unfair on Paul here cos
Where, they wanted
I know, I know now, the minute he said that.
Oh isn't it terrible?
Oh isn't it terrible that?
Oh.
Wasn't it awful?
A little tiny it was.
until she wouldn't lose, do what they exactly
Yeah, she had all the money
He said my father can have it, he can do, have it, I only want money for my charity,
and of course then there was
You can't keep your eye on every single player in the league.
Taking on
You've got your eye on the goalie
Yeah I know.
Cos the scorer alright, erm, have defended themselves
But he couldn't make it more horrible
Mum,
Mind you we shouldn't
Mum
Who's sandwich out here, there's you,
That's our biggest mistake
Nan
just when are you
Andy, Michelle, Michael, Paul, Ruth and Kevin
Who's that new player we've got our eye on?
Kevin, third division
I 'll do him.
That's er beef and tomato and turkey and cranberry
Oh.
Yeah, that's it
Penny for them
penny for them.
Oh you
Yeah I got one
Beef and tomato, turkey and cranberry,
Turkey and cranberry oh
or and cress
I haven't got turkey and cranberry
Oh isn't it?
Who'd like turkey and cranberry?
It's bubble drops and cranberry.
Bubble drops and cranberry?
Yeah.
What the bleeding bubble drops?
I don't like you any more, they're all English
Kevin, Kevin
questions.
I 'll believe
Kevin
questions.
Ah, thank you.
Paul was
Bubble drops eh?
Bubble drop.
Don't you talk to me like that.
Arsenal are too strong for Tottenham.
Yeah.
Er
Two nil.
Two nil.
Ian Wright again, oh.
I've got to go and fresh bubble drop.
No, that's my
Thank you.
Everybody will laugh.
Karen can't do the catering if
one chance in ninety minutes.
Causing the
Yeah
in Sainsbury's
Oh dear.
A woman of previous good character
Ruth always makes lovely sandwiches.
So you say.
Kevin buttered the bread
I hoped to
I hope you give all the crusts to the hungry ducks?
No.
Should do
They always look neat and perform mine don't
I in the garden and Kevin told me off
Oh well would love
I would get here Paul, Paul
Erm
Can you get it in the bag?
Well, it's Sunday, but it's not until next week is it?
They were so hungry the dogs.
Those rotten dogs.
Ruth.
The gulls came do come down and pinch it in front of them.
Was it?
Well the
So hungry they are.
That would be alright till next week, if you put it in the fridge.
The radio was
But you can't stop
The only thing you can do is to quiet him down, to frighten him off.
Mm.
Well that's a fat lot of good if you
I expect you 'll find
And it was two remote controls, one for the video and one for the television,
Mm.
have perfect
eventually
Oh
I like that new Amstrad double decker.
I don't
What's that?
too bad
What that.
That's right.
Hey where was the tea for dad?
I drank mine away from the.
I 'm always so thirsty.
I think they're making so many
If I didn't know Karen I should think I was the candidate for diabetes.
Is worth hiring not buying at all.
The first one we had, I
Because you could
Not much milk Karen.
Not much milk for
Not much milk
Thank you.
The of art was
Sugar?
No, no thank you.
What that turkey in?
They're all underneath
Thank you.
What's in that one that
Cranberry.
No it's not cranberry.
It tastes like
The other thing is with the, the
Is it cranberry with?
What, what's in place with the cranberry, something you're using.
Ah, eh, no I didn't, I said it's not turkey
Oh.
I said it's pork.
Right, pork.
It's apparently an actually.
What is the sauce on it?
It's cranberry and orange and claret actually.
Oh.
I think, we bought three bottles of cranberry sauce didn't we?
From
Yes, I thought it was sweeter than ordinary cranberry.
Mm, nice
Mm.
Somebody collecting horse brasses?
What you do, I mean talk about
They look quite nice on there though.
Yeah.
They take a lot of cleaning though.
No, they never get cleaned.
Don't they?
Nor will they ever.
They're old brassy.
Antique finish they've got.
Have a cup of tea yet?
Oh Kevin
I haven't had mine yet.
it won't go to your lips unless you put your hand inside there, that's it, that's it, stir round, right, open your mouth, time it right.
Mum and dad get
You didn't tell me it was there.
Well you got eyes, you got
No, how do I know whether it might be Paul 's.
Normally you
Did you eat your
No.
Oh lovely.
Why is it that a cup of tea goes down so well?
Were all that
Can I go and myself
Oh the little ones like you haven't got the
Do you drink tea?
I didn't know you drank tea.
Blimey that's the first picture I've had there isn't it?
Yeah, which one did you have?
I like them all, I like the, especially like the erm
Joy, has a recipe never liked before
Oh.
then she realized how good,
these two.
That's right,
potatoes
And she, she wait, she made out she'd driven on a road
Michael do you want?
in the States, I think she's
Adrian is very much wider scope of food now, before, far more wary weren't you?
Mm.
Can't change Kevin though,
I 'm all sweets things and savoury I like
I think when you realize how much you've missed something
Ah
out, to say, I 'm sorry I can't feed that to, someone else is out what's put in front of him, so that's why now he eats fish fingers and now he eats pizza.
Who's this Paul?
Paul, yeah, yeah.
How did you, did you start him on pizzas?
Wow
Even quite likes them.
Well he went to someone's house and all the eats them so he ate it.
Must of brought him up well.
My brother was like that once, he, he used to hate he used to hate he used to hate peas thank you, and once he got invited to a friend of his and there was peas, and he put just of four peas on his plate and said
and he this plate of peas
Now, peas are harmless aren't they, they haven't got taste.
A lot of people don't like them though.
Has, for me he has a strong dislike for
When you
I had some money
What you done that for?
I don't know whether you could, you could
Bet you could use that as a cooking
I cook in this.
Mm.
Yes, pretty solid.
Cook toffee in it, the idea is a toffee tray.
Oh to cook toffee oh alright.
You 'll be able to cook toffee now.
That's why I came second in the quiz
No, I wanted to cook
Would of won it if I'd been on
Didn't bring me one, no honestly
Mum
honestly you didn't
who is it?
It sounds like Basil Fawlty
No really I 'm waiting for it
That's for watching too much
You one yourself
I see, I thought I delivered you two cups
and you've only had one, right, O K
You find it Paul?
How do you
You want one plenty more
In that case no thank you.
I 'm quite, is this being recorded?
Yeah
I 'm quite thank you.
Who can come out with the longest words in a minute
I wish I have he'd say one or two nice
Oh yes he would
nice word.
We got a little one
everything haven't we, everything in the English language.
if you ask me.
Don't know.
Erm, I've just discovered from the
I think it's something
No, we had that question the other day didn't we?
Oh it's the the miners' disease, something, something disease of miners whatever.
Economosis
Yeah, something like that but it's longer, the whole full name's about thirty five letters.
What
Sorry
I know the er name of that
Thirty years ago.
I got, you got train
Sixty one or sixty three is, a little while ago.
Mm
Hang on
I think it is about, coming up thirty years now.
Was it back in ninety sixty three?
Sixty one or sixty three didn't
For an hour what, seven
There's your third cup of tea.
No it wasn't.
And can I have second cup of tea?
I probably will have a, I will have, probably will have a third.
I no you ain't
Dad can I have a third tea?
A third
Third
What number's that?
Go on Colin.
Why's he getting so thirsty?
Cos there's all this
You leave my little alone.
You have to
Why I 'm
You worried about it you see it.
Yeah
You're joking
why should I sit between them? coming over the edge of the stool, one saying are you safe on that stool?
now they're asking me to go and sit down between them,
Hey
no thank you very much
Karen could move up that way
Oh, there's room enough for him
Alright Karen, I 'll go and sit on the toilet
Thank you
compliment.
I 'll take that as a compliment.
What did she say then?
sit on the toilet, she said I might fall in, I said I'd take that as a compliment after
You know, he said just for the eh, erm, friendly he had when he was in the, in the Air Force, he was flying in and one of the properties in America was the big fat ladies they'd pull the chain sitting on the loo and those loos there and it was
God
and the only way said put your finger there
Oh yeah.
Great vacuum
Oh how embarrassing.
want to do that.
On the front, I went to
today
and on the front page of the Sunday Sports, was it the Sunday Sport?
There was this picture, I don't know whether it was a man or a woman taken from the
You bought the Sunday Sport?
No,
You've looked at it, you bought the other one and read the Sunday Sport
there was this picture of this, I don't know if it was a man or a woman naked in a cubical and it filled, well he or she filled the cubical and you couldn't see where the, the bottom began to
Something like the five stone.
Yeah, Adrian did a modelling job a couple of weeks ago.
What for?
What's you so rude about you for.
I won't go in the loo and sit
cos I'd still be able to hear what you're saying.
Thank you love.
Picture is so gross on the front page as well
toffee Paul, don't show your ignorance.
having a toffee for?
That's the way to break it.
Oh that's the way you break it
I've got a toffee apple
I haven't tried yet, but I don't think so, no ha, the only thing I've got was a
Gone a bit quiet over there
Don't you break my chair
Here are
I 'll tell you how much it cost if you
Is it as dear as that?
Yeah.
It cost a hundred and sixty five quid
Cor blimey
Yeah
Did it?
We've got those at work and they're like
Was it new?
New Ruth?
Quite new, quite new
Was it?
A hundred and sixty five, is it worth it?
They've got them at work like that and they were about nearly three hundred pounds new
Kevin, why did he give Michelle those glasses, I didn't wash them properly, is that the first time
Yeah
Yeah, yeah.
I think it might only
talking at the same time
I know, I know
My name's
years old alright?
This tape has to go, this tape has to go back.
How do they know what's on the tape?
Does anybody want any fruit bread or fruit cake?
I 'll try a piece
Cut up our cake and then Karen can take her
Are you ready?
This is difficult.
Is it all play?
Yeah.
It's action.
It's an action.
Smoothing.
Washing.
Cleaning?
Bathing.
Shrinking.
Eye glasses.
Nurses
Shrinking
morning.
Erm
Sweating, smelling, washing.
Cleaning.
Oozing.
Erm
Blowing your nose.
Erm nasal man
Erm
hair
Shaving.
Erm spots?
Scraping
Erm
Oh dear.
Walking er an old man with a walking stick.
bath bath hip bath.
Getting dirty peeing
Elderly man
elderly erm
Ageing.
Ageing O.A.P.
Sweating.
erm retired person.
Getting older.
Er getting older.
Wrinkling, geriatric-ing.
Oh dear.
Parents
Three ages of man.
Seven ages of man.
Degenerate?
No?
Old age.
Erm
Thatcher.
No!
Come on!
Don't say the word!
Pubescent
Pubic.
Pubic.
Maturing.
Yeah
Yeah that's right, maturing
Maturing, yeah
being rude.
he was drawing big willies and little willies.
Well how are you supposed to draw the difference?
I thought straight away.
I mean you can't draw
One two three four five
cracking up.
You're only one behind us now.
getting older.
Dear oh dear.
What's that one?
Is it all play?
No.
I 'm going now.
You're going now.
Where have we got to?
no just me.
Just you?
Green one.
Yeah.
Ready?
Can I have a look?
Can I have a look?
green.
Green.
Yeah it looks difficult but
You don't have to do it though.
Yeah but we know it's difficult but
Er title, book title.
Is it more than one?
Open book.
I know what.
Mhm.
Er pages front pages
Mm.
er
Mhm.
Frontispiece.
er
We know what the word is.
Mm mm
are we?
Front page?
Yes.
Index?
Yeah you just said it.
Front page?
What front page?
Oh.
Oh I didn't
Mum you missed one!
Did you deliberately miss that one?
No.
Front page.
I know but you had something in front of it so I moved it back.
Oh no that means I know what it is now doesn't it?
No.
What do you mean?
There was a green one, here.
You missed it.
I had already taken this out.
It was in there.
Yes but this is where we're taking them from and we're putting them in here.
Oh.
What was this one?
You to draw.
Alright.
Is it me drawing?
Well it's
Is it an all play?
Is it an all play?
P, what's P?
No it's not got an arrow.
Ah!
So you're just the two.
do this one.
can we see what it is?
Kevin?
Oh right.
see it.
I can see it.
Yeah I had.
What colour?
Oh we've had this one before.
Are you ready?
Yep.
Butterfly crocodile alligator.
Yes!
Well that's handy.
That was easy peasy.
Well we're catching up a bit.
Two, one two.
My turn to draw.
Actions.
Where do I take one?
You don't.
You put that one back.
It's me that takes.
Is it all play?
No.
This is where you're lucky when you get
starting
this is when you're lucky when you get two or three playing on your own without all play.
What is it?
Plains
It's a brown one.
What is it?
What colour?
Brown.
Oh she's off again, look.
What colour?
Oh brown.
Vase er er base erm whirlwind.
I know what I'd draw.
Definitely know what
Base of a fire
Oh mum that is a awful drawing.
Simplicity.
Er root of the fire, base of the fire.
Simplicity.
Just do what you always do it too.
on with it Paul.
Vase bottle
What is she doing?
Come on mum, think!
Shh.
Cigar tin opener
What?
What
electric iron then goes on to erm she's ironing
What is she doing!
she's ironing this frantic frenzy again.
Erm
Yes that's it!
Er burnt, scorched!
Thank you.
I would have drawn us, drawn us a toaster and some toast really.
Did you get it right?
Why did you get it right?
She had erm
Careful you don't go back on that Paul.
What've I got to do?
What colour?
D.
Green.
Is it an all play?
It's got, yeah arrow D.
Black arrow?
Who do I show it to?
What is it?
What, what is it?
Here you are.
I 'll show it to dad first then.
I don't know what it is.
What colour?
D.
I 'm blue.
It's got an arrow on it.
Who's who's drawing over here?
I need it back again cos I've forgotten what it is.
It's green.
It's not blue.
it's a green one anyway, and you can
You said blue!
Oh what
You told me blue.
She said blue.
I thought it was blue.
That's what it's got
What colour is it?
Green
Er er colourblind!
Green, sorry.
green
Green, er no no we can have that one.
Cabbage.
Go on then.
Green where's my pen?
it's here, sorry.
never even saw
It's here anyway.
Is it green or blue?
Green.
Then it's an all play!
It's this one!
This green.
Look!
Why do you keep changing them?
Paul, we don't.
You're sticking them back into a
Shhhh.
Go!
Oh she's picking wrong colours
Erm are are you drawing for us?
No he's only on his own.
We're not playing draw.
Oh.
Oh.
said we were playing P.
I know!
I mean that's what
It's a difficult one.
Speaking
It's very difficult.
two words hot air
There's only one word
He says it's two words.
Yeah but he's wrong.
I thought it was
It's a hyphen is it?
It's a hyphenated word.
Loud- mouth
One word.
I can see it 's, I du n no
It's one word.
Speech mark.
Sick.
Of you.
Er I think Ruth says anything in the hope that it's somewhere near right.
Stomach upset.
Oh blimey I don't know what to do.
Stomach upset.
You can't blame me for that.
What would you draw for this?
I wouldn't know.
It's quite hard.
I think
What would you draw?
Nausea indigestion.
No you couldn't tell
You're not allowed hand signs.
Hot air.
Puke.
Oh!
Come on!
Have you seen what he's drawn?
That's quite good!
Hot air.
Stomach contents.
I tried
I just don't know what to do what to do with that one.
Finished.
It's comedy.
Comedy ha ha ha ha.
Comedy.
What?
Comedy.
Ha ha.
Why did you say it was two words?
Ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Oh well yes I should have done one word.
Yeah I was trying to do ha ha.
You didn't write ha ha.
No I didn't, I didn't.
I know you're not allowed to do that.
What has this got to do with comedy?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Alright roll the dice don't we?
How did you do the ha ha then?
No I couldn't do that.
It was too hard.
No you don't roll the dice.
Oh no.
You pick a card.
it's me isn't it?
Is this the right side?
So action.
Is it all play?
Is it all play?
Is it all play?
No it's me only.
It's lucky when you get
What colour is it?
It's all play is it?
No.
What colour is it?
It 's, it's brown.
Brown.
marks, get set, let's have a look.
Ooh, it's difficult.
Oh I know what I could do for that.
Oh crumbs.
First aid, St John's cross, red cross, red green cross code
Ambulance
accidents
on there.
ambulance
patients
What have you got for that?
Rushed to hospital erm
emergency?
emergency units
injured
intensive care
What?
er
emergency, rescue
doctor, stethoscope er
rescue?
specialist, surgeon
It's an action.
Not a thing.
Rushed to hospital
heartbeat
go to hospital
Mhm.
erm travel to hospital, erm
airlift to hospital
No that's not it.
drive to hospital rushed to hospital
transported to hospital transported?
It's a frog.
Three legged frog.
Wait for hos what?
Oh it's gone, it's gone.
What on earth.
the right word
Yeah.
Can you see it then?
Run out.
Not yet.
Now it has.
Visit.
Visit.
Oh that wasn't bad.
It was visiting the doctor.
It was a visit.
Doctor's visit, yeah.
Oh well I got the idea
And there's his visitors but I mean it was
Some words are so abstract aren't they?
Yeah.
Oh it's terrible.
somebody carrying a and going in a house.
How would you draw a visit?
I would have done two doors I think, someone knocking on a door and but I don't think anyone would have got it.
No.
No.
No I don't think so.
Your turn.
Are you drawing Eric?
Yep.
Exhausting, this game isn't it?
You're on a A P play.
Oh play again!
Oh my god.
Am I drawing to you?
Yeah.
About time you did
All play.
you were so rude about mine.
What colour?
What colour?
Red.
Red.
Give it to Andrew.
Mum.
Uncle An, Uncle Andrew needs to look at it.
Alright.
Right.
Now you turn it over.
Newt.
Loop.
She got it.
Oh.
How did you get that so?
tadpole.
That's what I drew.
No that's a circle.
That's
I think it's the start of a scribble, that is.
No it's the way you draw it.
That's the sign of the fish.
It's the way you draw it.
Well I think that's a good
Who's mum?
It's your turn again.
Do you have to roll the dice mum?
That was a quickie.
It's your turn again.
drawing.
Paul's drawing.
Oh it's an all play again.
All play again.
Is it all play?
We've got to catch up.
We're last.
Has anyone seen the words?
Who's drawing?
I am.
drawing.
Joy is.
That's quite hard.
Is it er all play?
Yes.
It's quite hard.
Is it the which colour?
Red is it?
Red Ruth?
Red.
Yellow red.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
It's quite hard isn't it?
Ready go!
Erm er
A man one word.
Another single word.
Cigar, iron, bus
vase,
taxi erm car
money, earning money
money
Here she goes again.
She's off.
Frantic money.
Hey what are you doing there?
Circulation of money.
Smart money.
Erm
Spending money.
Erm
Spinning money
Taxi fare.
Erm
Tumbling coins.
Earning money.
Expenditure.
Collection.
Making money.
Sounds like
Credit
Sounds like
Profits.
profits.
Er triangles.
Interest rates erm
Scoop.
Pocket, sounds like pocket.
Sounds like
Wealth.
Money bags.
Money bags.
Wealth.
Ingots.
Rich.
Ingots.
He got him, he got him.
got it?
What was it?
Rich.
Sounds like ditch.
Oh blimey.
I drew a I was drawing a plane.
I'd have done I'd have done a quick, a little man carrying a bag with dollars
Yeah that's what I did.
I did a man with dollars
You're not allowed to do symbols
Oh yeah.
You're not allowed to do symbols.
any symbols.
That's not symbols.
It is isn't it?
What is it?
You're not allowed the hatch symbol that's all.
What's the hatch symbol?
Hatch symbol's the
Dollar.
sketches may not include reference numbers or the hatch symbol.
Oh.
I thought you weren't allowed
Because that means number in America doesn't it?
I drew a rolls royce and not a plane.
sounds like your little man titch.
I mean that's
You're not allowed to do numbers.
the letter though.
that you would be allowed to do notes drawing a note and use it.
I thought if I just had a man who had a yacht and he had a rolls royce and a yacht.
Wouldn't you?
Well I don't think that's much like a rolls royce.
Oh my god.
And this is a yacht is it?
yacht and a plane.
it's a red one.
Is it hard?
I don't know what that one means.
Pass it on.
Pick another one.
Pick another one.
Is it all play?
I think this one, I think I know what it is.
All play.
Red.
For you, yes.
you're drawing yeah?
Yeah.
Red?
Red.
Red.
Bottom.
Mm she didn't end up with the word
You're not supposed to look at it are you?
I didn't see it.
Well what are you reading it for?
What's it mean?
What is it?
I didn't see it.
If y if she gets it straight away we know.
I didn't see it!
No she can't see it.
She couldn't see it from there.
Why would I lie?
Right.
Go.
How many words mm
How many words?
One.
Box.
Man.
Two boxes.
Man goes
Crown, king king.
Aerosol.
Telephone.
Aerosol.
Party hats erm
Erm
Balloon pump.
different words
Disco dancing.
Er what's that?
Aerosol.
Royalty.
Gas canister.
I know I know I know.
Sovereign.
Gas canister.
Balloon.
Chef's hat.
Hot air.
Gas
Letter?
Tube.
Disco dancing.
Cinema.
Walking the dog.
Light bulb.
draw.
Light, dark.
No light.
Switched off.
Off switch.
Come on.
What's this?
On it's head.
there's this bulb.
Hat.
Er
Dead canister.
something else, something else.
Full of er
Wear.
Fused.
Lights out.
Out.
Defused.
Fused.
Out.
Say something mate
Gone.
Vamoosed.
Dead.
Empty gas canister.
Dead.
Nought.
Disco dancing.
Erm obsoleting
Obsolete
Dancing on
Dud
Dancing on a stage.
Acting.
Religious is it?
Oh dud.
No, erm
We're done.
No, we've done it.
It's gone.
Oh it's gone.
Very good.
What was it then? sounds like suds.
Yeah, should have done a sounds like as well.
red.
Are we red.
Yes.
No you're green.
Oh yes
knows.
dear oh dear.
This is really easy.
This is really easy.
Auntie Michelle is it all play?
Yes.
If it was a dunce, you would have done that.
This is really easy.
me to draw.
Really easy, so we 'll get do I, quickly really quickly to get down to it.
Ooh I like quick ones.
Okay?
Ready, go.
Yeah.
Go.
Bed, no cushion.
Candle erm
Church, steeple
Flame.
Steeple.
Got it got it got it got it.
Look at that little church.
Oh erm right, we've got to get a high.
Oh I 'm sweating.
Oh we've done that one, perspire.
sweating, perspire.
Just by myself.
If you
Who's blue? just got one up there.
They have.
They're scorching
Right.
This is a quick one.
We've got there in the lead.
Well just think about it.
Think about it.
is it?
They're doing a brown one.
It's action.
On their own?
action.
Don't listen to action.
Go.
One word.
a line, two lines, three lines, a text.
Waves.
Sea.
Erm
Oh Paul!
Scales.
Oh I don't know.
That's alright.
That's what I would have done.
That's not what I would have done.
Erm lift erm yeah but
yeah you'd have done
Action, raising, going up.
Building.
Rising.
Rising.
Brick, brick laying, erm steps
Construction?
going up some steps.
Making steps.
Erm
Building?
I think you should have done it the other way.
Going up the other way.
Money.
Perhaps think of it as an action then.
Start at the bottom and go up the top.
Going up.
Erm
Climbing.
Climbing.
Er
Rising, growing mushrooming.
Plates on the sink is that?
On the table?
Yes a table.
I don't know what that is.
Preparing.
Preparing, making.
Ooh!
He's gone and knocked the sand out
Erm dishes erm.
Washing up.
Washing up.
Drying up.
Finished
It's a pile.
What would you have drawn?
We would have done that, you know like a pile of
Your turn Eric
peat.
and it's all play, and it's your turn.
Pile like in
Steaming pile yeah.
It's all, it's me again.
All play.
All play.
There's supposed to be a er er
seen it.
have to be him.
How do you see it then?
I never
I've seen the word now.
No showing it to me.
Who's who's who's drawing?
Don't keep showing it to me.
Red.
Where's the red?
God this looks, is gon na be hard.
Okay.
Red?
Well how many words?
One word.
How many words?
Bed er bed-settee, car, car wheels
Car, travelling.
Hub caps.
Caravan.
Speed.
Move speed.
Burning rubber.
Meandering.
Smoke, oh exhaust.
Winding.
Exhaust pipe
Fumes.
Fumes.
Er gas
Smoke.
Carbon monoxide.
Carbon He's got it.
Smog.
No you didn't say smog.
Yes I did.
You said carbon monoxide.
smoke.
You said smoke didn't you?
No she said car smog.
You said smog.
I said smoke.
What was it?
She said carbon monoxide.
It was smog.
Smog.
I said, said smoke, I said smog, somebody else said carbon monoxide.
He said smog.
Yeah I think I heard him say smog.
car was the smoke, smoke from the exhaust and he sa I said smoke carbon monoxide smog
What would you do for smog?
I was just going fumes, smoke, smog, smoulder
car on the road and all that.
No I think he, he he did smog.
Yeah, smog.
I thought someone said carbon monoxide.
No she said carbon monoxide.
I did.
I said carbon monoxide.
What were you calling out for?
Cos I was getting yours!
Oh yeah sorry.
You were playing yeah.
Yeah you can play with me.
Aren't you my partners.
one two three four five.
miles behind mum.
Action.
Look where they are!
Yeah.
Half way through.
Alright.
Has it got a black arrow?
No, no.
Is it hard?
How many words?
Okay, now.
One word.
One word.
Erm what colour was it?
Brown.
Have they seen it?
Yeah.
Ooh there's a delicate little drawing going on here.
It's an action
Oh Andrew's always very slow but at the end of it bending his head.
Long neck, peer, peer over, nosy parker
Fishing.
Er flag.
Linesman.
Er
British.
patriot, er
British patriot.
Warrior.
Er
Dead, soldier.
Erm
These are the only glasses I can play in.
I've got other glasses but I
Killing, soldier supporter
Warrior
Cheering.
a bit inbetween.
ever so old and I lost the thing
They are old
A supporter!
Can you get those repaired then?
Japanese.
War, war
countries
The third world war.
Erm
And they're scratched.
But I can't
Going into war.
Erm.
Invasion.
coffin.
Coff-, coffee?
I thought if in doubt
Dead soldiers erm
Remembrance.
Remembrance day.
It was action.
Yes I know but I mean er
Move, er travel
Dead
Finished.
Defeat.
That was hard.
How would you do that?
Very difficult one.
white flat.
Somehow.
Eric.
It's an all play.
Oh no, Joy.
Pass it on.
How do you do a white flag unless you
We've got to get off this all play mum.
It's holding us back.
Is it all play?
Is it all play?
It's amaz amazing how often people resort to matchstick men
What, what what is it?
Oh it's just all play.
Well it's the thing you can draw the quickest isn't it?
It's all play.
Come on hurry up, I 'm ready.
Turn it over.
How many words?
Pop hasn't seen it has he?
Yes he has.
Quick.
Okay?
Quick.
Now.
Go.
Go.
Fat, obese.
A big
Cull erm
Insect.
Yes.
Oh!
Insects.
Back!
Get back!
What did you draw for that Ruth?
She's quite good.
Six legs is six legs.
Very well done.
You know what's holding us back?
That all play.
Cos they all have a go.
You don't all have a go on this one.
We do when we're stuck on a
Can we have one of these?
You do get stuck on a regular, then your chances
What is it?
What is it?
What number?
It's a green one.
Ready steady go.
Oh I shall never get that.
Two words.
Green one.
Impossible.
Erm
I'd love to see
Oh she won't get this.
Television er
Oh she's not!
She is, she is
She's zapping the zapping the television.
Very good idea.
Sounds like
Yes it is good.
That's a very good idea.
Revolution.
Er clock face, clock
clock, sounds like clock.
Clock
Mum!
Clock, timer.
Mm.
Oh come on mum!
The other word.
What's the point?
Alright.
Clock.
The other word.
Surely.
I can't draw that.
Shows you how much we rely on
She's off again.
Frenzy again.
Er
show you how much you do.
Mum!
don't you point at me.
Er erm
No, no pointing.
And if you don't speak someone's language
Right.
that's the difference between
Twenty five.
That's cool.
er er er clock tow tow, clock
If you don't have the football what else can I have?
Said sounds like clock.
Oh sounds like clock.
I 'm going clock clock clock.
Stop.
Stockmarket.
You should have got that one.
I'd have drawn a market.
Oh dear.
Every day you come home stockmarket
Oh yeah.
That was quite good.
I would have drawn a market.
Yeah I would have gone up and down with graphs.
Well I should have done the financial
No yours all go down.
Oh yeah alright.
I should have done the Financial Times.
go right down.
Well who's go is it now?
Do you know the share he bought for ten p each last week went down to three and a half pence each.
Would you believe it?
Shhh.
Er it's their go.
Action.
Strong smell of burnt fingers going on.
Oh it's a it's a long one.
Oh, is it hard?
How many words?
Write it out.
Your turn.
Did you buy any BT Kev?
Mm?
BT did you buy?
Who's drawing?
You or Eric?
Eric.
Well I sent the money off.
Remember to put how many words.
Only if it's
What is it?
What colour?
Brown.
It's an action.
That's us as well.
Brown.
Another one we can do is long and short words.
Oh, ready?
Right.
One word.
Short word.
come on.
up.
Er book
.
One point.
Er what is that?
What is that?
Yes.
Got it.
No no she had it first.
she said No way.
Yeah I heard before.
Tiebreaker.
Do it again.
Do it again.
Do it again.
You should shout louder.
Have another go.
Have another go.
she's got it.
Least she got it though.
Well we could play the tape back.
We can see who got it first
Yes.
Yes.
Brilliant idea.
Brilliant idea.
You won't hear Ruth.
but I think they got it first.
Have a tiebreaker, another go er er
Alright.
Do another brown then.
Do a tiebreaker.
Whatever the brown one is on this
Well let let her have a look.
Let her have a look.
whatever the brown one is you do it.
You look.
Oh we 'll call.
Right.
Eric you look.
Yeah.
Oh it's another one.
Is it?
Yeah.
Another all play?
Yeah.
No no no
I 'm not in.
just the two of you
Oh I don't get a chance.
tiebreak.
Poor old
This is a tiebreaker.
It's a good one now.
Right, now.
Right.
Ready go.
Tap.
Hangman's noose.
Oh crikey.
Hangman.
Noose.
Falling.
Drop.
Falling.
Shower.
Yes yes
What did you draw for that?
Oh yeah it's a shower.
A shower.
Wasn't a shower!
What?
Looks like a hangman's scaffold.
A shower!
That's a bath!
What?
Let's have a look.
That's a shower!
That's not a shower.
That's a shower.
That's a nice bendy shower.
It shows you what it is.
And a person standing underneath it.
It's my turn to draw.
That was rise.
They drew a chair and it tips forward you know and helps you up.
Those chairs that bend forward.
What is it we've got to do now?
No paper.
We've run out of paper.
We've got to get off that all play otherwise
Oh yes.
I mean what is it?
Everybody's in again?
Is it?
Right.
Er I don't know yet.
You've got to look cos I can't
What what am I on?
It's a brown.
Brown.
Action.
It's not an all play.
Oh.
Oh.
and we're on all play all the time.
We can't get off it.
Go.
Hang on mum I 'm not ready.
Wait.
You see you all have a go.
We don't have a second turn.
Give it back to me.
You've got five seconds.
Go.
Go.
It's of being on red.
Not if you're winning you don't get five seconds.
One word.
One small word.
One big word.
word.
Alright so we get.
It's not difficult.
Door.
Action.
Two doors.
Action.
Going through the door.
Going from door to door.
Entering.
Yeah that's that's alright.
Entering's alright.
Entering.
Yes that's it.
Yes he got it.
He got it.
He got it.
Entering.
Enter.
What should it have been?
Entering.
Enter.
Entering's alright.
Got a smart guessing team over there.
Actually for a second there I forgot it.
I was gon na do ex I was gon na try and put some exits.
Mind you, they've got two guessing.
That's good.
Well done Annie.
Your drawing's
Er it's Andrew now.
Four.
One two three four
Yes, oh we're thrashing them.
Oh no.
We're being walloped.
Oh we're nearly there!
Murdering them.
Perhaps we 'll catch up.
We caught up when
We're getting walloped.
Right.
This is an all play.
Oh good.
Yeah you can get back in here.
I hardly ever have a go.
I 'm very unlucky.
I doubt it.
It's an object.
Oh well you never know.
Go on Joy.
Object.
I don't know where to start.
Wherever there's
Hang on.
Wait a minute.
off this red one mum.
Object.
That's the one at the bottom.
Erm
Red.
That's it.
Right.
I 'm glad you got it that quickly it's a
That's red.
Isn't it?
No it's blue.
No.
It's blue.
Oh sorry.
Wait a minute.
Blue.
Sorry.
My fault.
Blue.
Blue blue blue blue blue.
Did you, you your with this?
Blue?
Go.
Boxes.
Pawn.
A steeple.
Boxer.
Steeple.
Target.
Light.
Hat.
Radiation.
Radar.
A lighthouse.
Radar.
Radar.
Information.
Satellites.
Telephone.
It's a mobile telephone.
Oh yeah.
Mobile telephone.
Er two
Radio erm audio erm
Er which one is that?
Bigger bigger
fish.
Fishes.
Erm er
Division
Two words.
Walkie talkie.
Well done Eric.
What did she draw?
Yes it's a walkie talkie.
Oh that's a good one.
I think mine was.
You got that from
You got walkie talkie out of that?
quite good.
You see I was doing
I don't yes it's got the earphones and
That's not a walkie talkie that's a walkie talkie.
Let's see.
Yeah, it's not bad.
Yeah.
What's I can't even see, hang on
You got walkie talkie from a Sony Walkman there.
what they're talking about.
Anyway they get a go now.
There's fifty years of empathy
Surely they won so they?
No.
. They have, they have to have their go.
What?
move that.
They have to go.
They can't move.
Now if they win this one
Yes that's right.
on their own one then they get a well done.
but we can't get off of there unless we
We can't get off it.
You can if you win this.
If you win this
Yeah
If it's on it's own.
That 's, you have to keep
You're on your own now though.
Well how, what advantage was it to him to win that then?
Well I
You see he's so unlucky that his is on all play.
Hang on
Right.
There you are.
Well lets just test that out because I 'm I 'm suffering enough.
I've been suffering
Ever since the game started you
You're suffering, she's wet!
This time we 'll do it.
Next time he can move if he wins it.
After that, afterwards.
Yeah but every time we have an all play.
Whatever happens.
Yes I that that does seem a bit odd.
Okay next time we 'll move.
All all play.
Yeah read all play for goodness sake.
In the all play category the word card is shown to the picturist of each team.
The all play word is sketched simultaneously by picturists in their respective teams at the start
Regardless of who's all play it was, the first team to identify the word earns control of the die and immediately rolls and advances the number of squares indicated.
The team now continues in turn with a new word.
If no team identifies the word in the time allotted the die is passed to the left.
Yeah.
However the team does not roll the die but begins its turn by pulling a new card and sketching the word corresponding
What does that mean?
So why is there no advantage to them to have guessed walkie talkie?
I mean I've won the game.
I mu
an all play.
advantage because it's all play.
You could have been the next player
If he was
We 'll never get off all play then?
all of theirs er
Yes you will.
It's you've got to be first to find it.
Yes!
You've got there's your disadvantage.
Yes.
It's just bad luck that you happen to be stuck on.
Just bad luck.
You're right.
It's not
We've since the game begun.
All play.
What is it does it say?
All play.
No.
Next time you next time they can roll the dice if they get it.
She's going to give it to Joy.
All play.
What is it?
All play.
What is it?
What an action or
Who's who's go?
Who who's drawing for you?
Michelle.
Yeah.
It's reds yeah, but it hard?
How many words?
Remember short words or long words.
Ready go.
How many words?
Words.
it seems to me we have to win two to get off.
Collar.
Neck.
Tie.
Oh she's got
Brooch.
Collar.
Necktie.
Er bow tie.
Cravat.
Collar.
Bow tie.
Bow tie.
Scarf.
Clothes.
T shirt.
Erm
Jacket.
Long necked.
Long necked.
Er er er
Short necked.
Rolo neck.
Er collar.
Polo neck.
Yeah.
Polo neck.
I 'm drawing a polo horse and you're going look I've done the collar, polo.
I was trying to remember the name of that collar.
I said oh what's it called.
I don't throw the dice do I?
Well why not say polo?
Right so we're on there
We 'll never, we 'll never get off.
We've got to get twice to get off.
We've got to win twice to get off
Yes.
You've got to you've got to win twice to get off.
I think
Never get on a red.
No.
Everybody does this one.
If you get stuck on a red you've had it.
It's a bugger of a square to get on, that one.
What are we on?
Brown?
It's a terrible square to get on mum.
I think the rule should be you should move on soon as you win one, I think.
Oh that's easy.
Do you wan na take a card out?
I don't think that's quite right
This is a quick one.
A quick one.
I 'm sure you're supposed to go two
Well Paul that's not fair.
If mother hasn't even seen it.
I know.
I know.
to say, it's a quick one.
I can't think
brown
because you're on all play you're stuck there forever.
Right.
What's what's that behind over there?
That that over there?
This, that bit there.
Well don't look.
Don't look.
Red now.
Ready steady go.
What's that?
One word.
Erm volcano
Vesuvius
Volcano.
Eruption.
Yes.
Lava.
What was it?
Erupt.
I don't think they should be allowed that.
What?
Why?
It was erupt.
And as you are winning by so much I think we should
Oh no no no eruption, erupt is alright.
Oh come on.
That's not fair.
What did you say then?
Because we're given them.
Yeah yeah.
Yeah I think
How precise an answer must be is up to the teams playing.
Yeah.
Should be decided at the start of the game.
For example is bunk bed is bunk acceptable for bunk bed?
Yes.
No
Depends whether you're winning by half a board or not..
Thatcher for Margaret Thatcher.
Enlarged or enlarge.
No it doesn't.
Yeah.
Alright.
Yes.
I think it is.
Go on then.
Your turn.
Blue.
Hang on.
Can can I just raise a rule?
What?
If they win an all play on somebody else's they are immediately allowed to roll the dice and they won't stay
for two.
on all play.
So they can get off all play.
And then
Do you mean you want to change the rule?
No no.
You've got to agree in at least
I 'm sure that rule is wrong about being on all play.
If we have another all play
If a word is not identified in the time limit the die is passed to the left.
Yeah.
The team receiving the die begins its turn by pulling a new card from the pack
Yeah.
not a roll of the die.
That's right.
Quite clearly you can't roll the dice the first time you win.
Well it's just one of those unlucky things.
The only times the die is rolled to advance the token is when a word is identified within the one minute time limit
Yes.
And you have another go.
Yeah?
or the team is first to identify the word in any hang on, hang on the only the time the die is rolled to advance the token is when a word is identified within the one minute time limit comma or a team is first to identify the word in any all play situation.
Ah.
Yes.
Oh well we did that.
We've been, twice we've had it.
We should have had twice we've
Yeah.
I tell you what, you can have two rolls of the dice.
Give them the dice.
Right.
Right.
Yes.
I thought it was wrong.
Mum thought it was wrong.
No but it's still our go.
It's still our go.
And another.
It isn't it's five
Five.
Yes it is.
It's still our go cos we won it.
One two three four five.
your go you have to pick a blue.
Who's drawing?
That's better.
me.
Me.
Now what do we do in future?
When you win one
No.
You haven't got a blue.
If you're in an all play situation you can move on straight away.
Can we?
Can we?
It's me to draw.
What?
You did the volcano.
You to draw.
You did the volcano.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
We'd have been there forever.
Michelle to draw.
You're right and wrong
You did the er Oh no yes it's you to draw.
Yes
Still I think we done fair by giving two rolls of the dice.
Have you looked at it?
Oh I've got to see it.
No.
I haven't seen it.
Is that it, the card?
It's not all play.
Oh.
A Andy's got it's just a blue one.
Did we roll our dice?
Did we roll our dice?
are you on your own?
Mhm.
Hang on.
Did we
No it's it's an all play.
Ah.
Blue, isn't it, it's on blue?
Blue.
Yeah.
Blue with an arrow
Did we roll our dice?
Did we roll we didn't roll the dice.
Did we roll our dice?
No you don't roll it.
Yes why not?
We didn't have to roll
You haven't got control.
Oh yes.
You haven't got control.
We won that eruption.
Yes.
But it was their go
Yeah.
so you haven't got control.
Why was it their go?
Because they were on all play.
Because it was an all play, for them.
Blue is it have I blue?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Give it to Joy.
Don't go yet.
Who's drawing?
No, me.
Right.
Blue.
Yeah.
Who wants it?
Ready
No, turn it down.
Oh.
How many words?
What on earth is that?
Shadow.
Tap.
What is it, an object?
Ah I can't see what this is.
Reflection.
A play game.
A play board.
Erm scrabble.
Canasta
Chess.
Er chess.
Puzzles.
Chess.
A chess man.
She said it.
What puzzles?
She said it.
Puzzle.
Puzzle.
I was trying to do that was a jigsaw puzzle
Oh jigsaw puzzle.
What did you do for puzzle?
Oh
Oh jigsaw, that's good.
So you got it so you throw.
Oh good.
Right.
It's Michelle's
La la la la
One
All that effort.
Action.
Is it all play?
No.
Action.
Oh well I don't mind.
I don't like action ones.
Go.
How many words?
They don't go.
Shall I put that one back, that card?
Wait a minute.
Not yet.
Get ready for how many words?
Can't stand
It's not that one.
Oh.
That's the card.
It's not th, it's that one.
Right.
Go.
Get ready for how many words?
One medium quite long one.
Oh that's easy.
Oh yes.
Oh yeah.
Doddle.
Action.
Site?
No.
Lying down.
Asleep.
Asleep.
Diving.
Diving.
Diving board.
Swimming.
Swimming.
Yes.
Swim.
That's a good drawing there wasn't it?
Yeah very good drawing.
Oh it's bird's eye view.
Don't draw such good drawings Michelle.
Normally you draw the water er er over the head don't you?
Michelle.
Don't draw such good drawings.
Yes but I mean you wouldn't guess that.
It's hard to draw isn't it?
Yeah.
Whereas if there was someone in
Have you played this game in France?
Right you throw the dice again.
Don't your foot under my legs.
It drives me dotty.
Two.
All play.
all play oh my god.
Oh we've got to get off that mum.
What have you got to do to get off it?
Er Have you looked at it?
It's red yeah?
Yeah.
Mhm.
Oh how are we supposed to get that?
Quite easily.
Have you seen it mum?
No.
Turn it over.
Red, mum.
No I 'm not drawing
You know it you know it do you?
Oh yes.
Okay ready
Okay ready.
Go.
Go.
Camel.
Waves.
Er bendy
Big waves.
Storm.
Speech
Er waves.
Storm.
Gales.
Rainbow.
Er typhoon.
Hurricane.
Typhoon.
Hurricane.
Waves.
Tidal wave.
Gales.
got it.
Tidal wave.
He got it.
Yes.
A tidal wave.
We are brilliant.
We are motoring.
Motoring.
Oh now how do we get off that now?
We've won it.
We throw the dice.
We go again.
We throw the dice.
We throw the dice yeah.
Please
More paper please.
One two three four five.
All play again.
Right.
Is there any more paper Ruth?
All play.
All play.
in the drawer.
I 'll get it later.
There's no need.
We are motoring.
Wait a minute.
see what you drew?
Tidal wave.
We're nearly there.
Mum, mum I was a bit slow.
I got that one
Have you got to get there exactly?
No, I 'm alright.
I had typhoon.
I was going typhoon and
Right it's all play and it's your turn to draw.
We are really motoring.
Have you seen it?
Yes, perhaps I do.
No.
Thank you.
What colour?
It's all play.
What co, oh.
Red.
Wait a minute I haven't seen it yet.
Dad we haven't seen it.
Oh.
Nobody's seen it.
I wasn't going to look
Yeah I've got it.
How many words?
Ready
How many words?
Erm
One
Dropping.
Dead.
Dead.
Graveyard.
Graveyard.
Crematorium.
Lots of people dead.
Mortuary.
Mortuary.
Funeral.
Oh Ruth!
Why do you think of everything but funeral?
Mortuary, rigor mortis.
There's no man.
You have to have a
a man
I was just draw a cemetery.
What did they draw then?
She thought of everything
I think you might win this time.
Oh no you there's problems at the end winning aren't there?
There's erm
You've got to win on a
Ooh Ruthie!
If we can get a five it doesn't matter
And it's a ten!
Two.
One two.
Object.
Oh two.
Oh he's got it.
He's got it then.
Who's drawing?
Michelle.
Is it all play?
Blue.
Oh yes.
Once you go past the end you go on to the red and if you win it
So you want to see it?
Alright.
All play isn't it?
Is it all play?
All play.
Two.
Hang on.
I haven't
Hang on.
Oh this is ridiculous.
There's no way.
Wait a minute coming round.
Here it is, blue.
Everybody ready?
No we haven't seen it.
No Ruth's not ready.
Hang on, it's blue.
Ready steady go.
Go.
One word.
Goldfish bowl.
Erm
Hammer
Erm baths.
Baths.
Loo.
Toilet.
Yeah.
Oh
This is brilliant.
We are going
I.
I was nearly there.
Another couple of seconds I'd have got that.
Let's see.
How could she not get that.
That was brilliant wasn't it?
Who did the drawing?
chain.
Toilet.
Very good drawing.
You have to do it quickly
Yeah oh that's sorry
Have you done
To win a team must reach the final play square for the chance to win.
It must be the first team to identify the word in the same manner play as in previous all plays.
Oh yeah.
It's my go.
It's your go?
Oh, it's exhausting
Okay.
So if we can get a three if we get a three it will be an all play.
Three or more it will be all play and if we win it we've won the game.
Right.
A team that reaches the final all play square can not win the game by winning a round controlled by another team.
You must first regain control of the die to attempt the winning word.
I don't think there's any worry of that.
Yeah.
We're too far back.
So if we get to the all play and we win the all play we've won.
The exact roll isn't
Yeah.
Whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo
Yeah but we if there 's, if it's an all play.
An exact roll of the die is not required to enter the square.
Three or more.
Yes.
Six.
Right.
So this
It's all play.
The deciding all play.
Right.
You drawing.
I didn't see it.
All is in your hands, it's very serious you know.
Pass it on.
All play red?
Red.
Yeah.
Oh what!
What is it?
We haven't seen it.
Don't start it yet.
We haven't seen the card.
Card.
Ah, I think I can get this actually.
Right.
Are you ready?
Ready steady go.
Two words.
Aren't your drawings
Heraldry.
Hand.
Water.
Full.
Water
Throw.
Oh no erm
Water pump.
Water, water
Bucket.
water shading.
Water wiltering
Can.
Filter.
Erm.
Irrigation?
Is it irrigation, the watering, sunshine, growing.
No, no
liquid?
No.
Erm
Transfusion.
Evaporation.
Evaporation.
Sweat
Indians.
Hey!
Mm
Is it a country?
Cos I know she won't get it but I 'm try pretty confident nobody else will but erm.
Axe in the head.
Indian.
Fight.
Two words.
Red indians.
Red indians.
Gathering erm
Are both the words the same?
indians.
Flowering, farming th planting,
Don't think you 'll ever get that word
Seeds.
so I 'm trying to give you that one.
Er smoke, bomb
Indian arrow, arrow, bow and arrow.
Erm
No.
It's it's gone.
I don't think anybody's gon na get this.
Bongo drums.
Yes!
Oh sorry no.
I thought it had gone.
Oh no.
It's bongo drum.
Oh.
Bongo drum.
I don't think anybody would have got that.
got it
What did you draw
Who would have got bongo drum then?
There's a drum
he was drawing it.
Let's see yours.
A man sitting there without a
I don't think anyone would have got bongo
swap over.
That's a man sitting there.
people would have got drums
Drumsticks.
Would they have got bongo?
I mean
What about this man here with a great big bass drum?
But you would have thought of it if you had a man in it.
Didn't that help?
No it didn't.
What happens now do we try the next all play?
Erm
No it goes
And we can't win.
We can't win until we get
What's that?
hit the drum with.
Oh.
It's an all play.
I thought you used your hand, bongo drums.
So it's their turn?
Yeah.
It's your turn and if they all play then we all play.
I was doing sticks I must admit.
I can't draw hands.
It's an all play this one?
I du n no, has it got an arrow on it?
D O, the blue one?
Has it got an arrow?
Oh.
Has it got an arrow on it?
Don't don't shut
A black arrow.
Er yes.
It has.
It's all play then.
It has.
So we can't win if we get this.
We can't win.
We've just got to get control then we can win.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Go on.
No don't look at it!
Oh yeah
That writing on the blue is ever so difficult.
Yes.
It's dark isn't it?
On your marks ready go.
Ready steady go.
Man.
Fat man.
Big man.
Good man.
Vest.
Pockets.
Oh.
What was that Ruthie?
Why did you do pockets because of the
Oh yeah.
Well!
You see when she if you don't get it with Ruth
Well I was trying to
in the first ten seconds she goes ccchhhrrr
Yeah.
She scribbles it all up.
That was pretty good, a pocket with buttons.
Agog in whirlwind of, frenzy of frustration.
Oh that's of Ruthie isn't it?
It's like if you don't get hold
It's cos you're so thick!
I 'm going to smack you.
that's Ruth did a coat.
Go on then.
our go.
action.
do a coat when I could
Oh here we go with this.
Come on.
Right.
U U is A.
She did the shoulders
Is it brown?
Is it all play?
Brown?
Oh not brown.
I don't like brown.
Can I have another colour?
No.
arrow.
It's an arrow, yes.
Oh well
Oh we've got to get control to win this.
It's easy if we don't show you what it is.
Go on.
There!
Don't don't draw that.
Don't show it, don't show it to them all.
not supposed to see it.
Oh.
She doesn't want to see it.
You can't see it when it's like that..
What colour is it?
Brown.
Brown.
Brown oh that 'll be, it's impossible.
Erm
Are you ready?
How many words?
Go.
One word.
One big word.
Extra.
I don't know.
Emulate
Piano.
Car.
Er
What is it?
Driving.
Harpsichord.
Piano
Er
Driving.
What is it?
What's this, action?
Er it's an action.
Races.
Saw, sawing.
Driver.
Sawing.
Shooting.
Banging.
Bullets.
Baaaaaa machine gun.
Shoot blanks.
Gliding.
Surrender.
Surrender.
Er hands up.
Defeat.
Surrendering.
Surrender.
Victory.
Victory.
Ceasefire.
Shot.
Submit.
Submitting.
It's all yours.
Ceasefire.
Erm erm surrender.
Surrendering.
Hands up.
Don't move.
Erm er
Surrender.
All I can do is
Surrender.
Give in.
Give in.
Er stop
We're giving in.
Vic er prisoner of war
Er
White flag
Take over bid.
Hands up.
Hostage.
Something to do with a vehicle somewhere in it.
Er
Ambulance.
you're nicked mate.
Erm
policeman.
Arrested.
Er
Bank robbery.
Robbery.
Arrested.
Hi-jack.
How do you get that?
That's what a tr with a transport
I'd have done it with an aeroplane but
That's harder.
That means Mum, we we've got
how do you do a hijack?
Right.
It's your turn again.
Yes, if we win this we've done it.
Okay?
It's an all play.
All play.
Come on, let me have a look first.
Ha!
And me.
Ha!
It's a red one.
What colour?
That's simple.
What colour?
Oh red.
Red.
Red.
A quick one then, is it?
Is it a quick one?
Are we all ready?
Yeah.
On your marks, go.
A man.
Raindrops.
Skirt.
Er snowing.
Hand, tennis court erm loudhailer.
Erm
Pair of dolls.
Music.
Singing.
Tennis.
Coach.
Recorder.
Erm erm
Er referee.
Erm.
Ref.
Here we go again, she's off.
Erm
Blood.
It's a
Oh yes erm a conductor.
Conducting.
Orchestra.
Yes.
Aah! music.
Conducting an orchestra.
Erm erm.
Orchestrate.
Symphony.
Play.
Orchestra.
Come one, anything else.
Choir.
Said choir.
. Oh
Symphony.
Erm philharmonic orchestra.
Chamber music.
Philharmonic.
Opera singer.
Miss classic music.
Erm
Erm
Classical.
Violinist.
Er percussion.
Soloist.
Got everything but.
Don't listen to them mother, draw.
I can't.
I've forgotten what it was.
Tenor.
Erm baritone.
Run out.
Concert.
Concert!
What are these then?
That's the people playing on the violin for the orchestra.
And you missed your go so it's Eric.
Thank goodness for that, they didn't get it.
to catch up then.
Blue.
Er
We're on a white dot all play.
you're on your own.
On our own.
Good chance to catch up.
How many words?
I 'll let you draw it, right.
Cut it out you two.
Is it all play?
Ready, go.
Oh no, on our, on our own.
What is it?
Oh what is it?
Blue.
It's blue.
Oh we've got to have one on our own.
What a nerve.
They won't get it.
Erm how do you do
What is it?
Start then.
Brown is it?
It's an object.
It's blue.
Blue.
It's an object.
He done us proud.
That's
I know what I would do.
Sounds like
Don't well I suppose you can help them, yeah.
No.
Er
Book.
Definitely know what I'd do.
File.
Erm
Can I whisper something in his ear?
No!
Oh go on.
He's miles behind.
No.
Sounds like
Mm?
Somebody what?
No on the word you showed me how it could possibly
I 'm a good drawer.
What?
Oh yes.
Done.
What is it?
I 'll draw it.
Rag.
Rag.
I would have done a car with somebody holding it
Rag?
Yes, this is tag.
Sounds like
I I I honestly, look what he's drawn me for rag.
Yes rag is quite funny isn't it?
It's
For action
I did a tag.
It's brown is it?
And a and a suitcase with a tag on it.
confuses me.
Well it sounds like
You said you didn't think it sounds like r rag.
Well what's thing here with a hole in it?
Ready steady go.
Tag.
How do you draw a tag?
I hope you get this
I thought you said dancer.
No sounds like.
Well that's a mag.
Sounds like.
Waves, waving.
A mag magazine.
Oh my god
Be quiet
word with ing on the end.
Rippling.
That's it.
Yeah that's it.
good.
Thank you.
Your go.
Do you want another piece of paper?
No.
We're coming up, we're coming up.
Here we come.
sixteen.
My turn to draw
A long long way to go though.
Difficult.
Well look where we are then.
And we're on our own.
Yeah.
Ready steady go.
Oh they're on their own.
That's lucky.
It's a
One word?
Manuscript.
Er tent erm
They won't get that.
What is it?
What colour?
You have to be a fairly good drawer
Man.
else they 'll start scribbling.
Hieroglyphics.
Erm alphabet, pen, calligrapher.
It's hard.
Very good
Shorthand, pitman ty erm my gawd we've got a door.
Er er we've got a lot of squiggles on that door.
You're gon na get some you're gon na get some on it in a minute too if you don't up.
erm erm
Chisler.
Erm what do they call it.
Not quite.
Sculptor.
No, not quite.
Erm grey stone er
Dad.
Dad.
How does she know looking at, that's funny, that's from someone's subconscious.
How would you know that that was a footballer?
Alright?
I mean
But I I would have said somebody like that
it's weird.
That someone could get half the question right.
He doesn't look like a football shirt on.
And it looked modern.
It looks like a modern photograph to me.
It was taken about nine it was when he was eighteen.
It was about nineteen fifty eight.
Good looking though isn't he?
hair.
How did manage to get that Rupert bear?
Easy.
Eric,
I got that, got that Eric thought it was a lion.
Oh no.
He did.
I got that straight away.
Oh your mum's
A policeman?
So can somebody find me the other one and I 'll looks, oh that's alright.
That's okay.
I have got two.
Well this one.
I need, can you find that, oh I bet I've thrown that other one.
Mind you that's the only one I can't
Oh this is that was, that was a
You didn't like the Africa one?
Too hard.
No.
Too hard.
You you should have done counties of England.
Yeah, that would have been a good one.
That would have been good interesting and funny.
Ruthie got five marks for that didn't she?
No, she didn't get as many as you expect.
I got Sudan one.
Nobody else got that.
Ruthie is that one reserved for your mum, or can I take that one to the office?
Si at the supermarket.
Oh
Oh we.
We all had our go right?
I, I guessed I got Sudan I don't know how Michelle managed to get Tunisia no-one else got that.
She got Tunisia all had a guess
Well french speaking I wonder if french speaking
Tunisia I would have got it.
Yes.
But I didn't think of it.
It's french speaking.
I wonder whether she's had a holiday there.
There's Morocco we should have got.
We forgot about that.
Yes she should have got those.
French Morocco.
Yeah Morocco and Algiers, Tunisia and Algiers are all French, French African colonies.
Yeah.
So she would have done that in her geography.
Geography, see Michelle should have I was conscious that perhaps Michelle was gon na be a bit out of that bit, some of those
Well so was Mutty.
Thank goodness we didn't put Michael with them.
Yes.
That's what I said.
That's why I moved Michael away.
I said that's why I thought she had you and Mi Michael with Mootty and Michelle.
I said no, we've got ta
Well, I thought Michelle was
I said you've got to put Paulie in there to balance it up a bit.
Lucky he did cos Michael just shoved off didn't he?
Well I was, unfortunately he didn't really balance it up enough did he?
No, not quite.
I couldn't.
I mean I, I I didn't know all those.
I mean I got the Maxwell I mean I think Mum got that.
No, I didn't.
Did Paulie's team come last then?
Yeah.
Yeah.
By a long, quite a long way though.
There was nothing I could have done though.
I mean I didn't know all those things.
this is why Karen and Adrian won, forgetting John Wayne like that.
I mean they're going
I I I suspected that anybody with Karen was gon na win.
I think Karen was, Karen was just
?
No no
Didn't get that was Ernest Saunders.
I mean I recognized his face.
Bernard Manning.
That was good, how they got those.
Right, tape seven.
I thought I was quite good.
I mean mum wasn't that good was she because she I mean
Freely admit I 'm hopeless.
General knowledge mum would have good.
But either your questions, they weren't general knowledge were they?
They were things you know like sports and what happens
Couldn't people put cocktail sticks in the bin.
I've come across cocktail sticks all night.
Why don't they?
I put mine in the bin.
Oh I don't put them in the bin.
they're so hard to put in the bin aren't they? and then forget about them.
Well I never think
What?
I think they're doing quite well on those tapes.
Well have I got any presents to come tomorrow?
I haven't now have I?
Not from me.
Mine.
Might have got er
Oh Paulie 's.
but not a present.
Something from
You've got some cards haven't you?
my sister.
And you've got my one.
Other than that, no.
Oh well wicked dude.
You those bird tables every time you go past on the way to Palace don't you?
Yes.
I was really hoping you weren't going to buy one
Paul.
Did you see how much they were?
Only twenty four pounds.
I know.
I bet
I 'm glad you don't know how much ours was.
I don't know what's been spilt on here.
Ugh something disgusting.
Where did you hide that?
Where did you go to get?
garage.
Oh.
Got it at
That was expensive though.
How long ago did you have to buy that?
Weeks
Ages ago.
Soon as I got paid last month.
I went with her after school.
You got it in the garage? magic yeah
Awfully difficult to get it in the car wasn't it?
I was gon na say.
It was much bigger than I thought it would be.
Can you dry the inside of that for me?
Both sides of that.
That has to dry before it gets
What happened?
Michael constantly spilt things.
I know.
Did you see, yeah he got, you know his duvet, your duvet's in?
What's he gon na sleep under?
I didn't know it was the duvet duvet.
Yeah.
Well bring it down and put it in the wash now then.
He has.
I have.
I 'm hu I've hung the actual oth other bit up.
The whole duvet or the cover or what?
The whole duvet.
Well I'd better put the duvet in the wash then.
It's alright, it's hanging up.
Well it 'll be wet.
What has he spilt?
I think, I du n no.
Red Rock Cider or something like that.
I don't know what he was drinking.
It wasn't coke..
I think those are the new extra life.
I think they're both dead.
It wasn't that's all I know.
It wasn't coke?
It was something er weird
lemonade base.
Bring me the duvet
I think it was lemonade base Red Rock.
It looked like the Red Rock that I've had.
Bring me the duvet and let's have a look at it.
Oh oh and my project could so easily have been ruined.
Oh I know.
You'd have been.
All that work.
And then I had to clear clear it all up.
I suppose I offered because it was my.
Did he sa did he say sorry?
Er not well he did I suppose.
Ah it's dried off mostly mum.
Okay.I 'm really really really gon na do this.
Are these Christmas cards?
Mum?
Yeah she was quite proud of old Paulie though cos he, he stays and plays and all the other two just keep wandering off don't they?
I mean I suppose
Where did we buy this?
I we allowed to open our Christmas cards?
The glass is chipped.
No.
Oh.
mine.
Is it off?
No, don't think so.
. Chipped oh yeah.
it's dirty but
Well it's cheap and cheerful but I was keeping it, you know within your budget.
Yeah.
You bought me both those within the budget?
Oh you're recording mum.
Okay I 'll keep all my Christmas cards somewhere.
Mum.
What?
I 'll have to you've got ta give me chance to buy papa and grandma's grandpa's and I can wrap them up and give them to them at the golden wedding or can't I?
No, what?
Whose?
Grandma and grandpa?
Grandma's and grandpa's and nana's and papa 's.
I've got a few days I can go into work disco poster, I've got ta do this and that.
Not this month, it's all gone now you can clear that off.
Nothing.
What's that mean?
Number eight three 0 three.
That means number three's got party.
Eh?
Num number number three he's got a party.
Number three at eight thirty.
Oh.
What for?
Oh you
No it doesn't matter, I 'll take Paul.
Monday Tuesday Wednesday are free.
Next weekend.
He was shoved down the steps.
Who by?
Palace fans.
No!
He was.
Very very rough he said.
He was standing with a whole load of Palace supporters.
What, she had a Manchester United scarf on did she?
They both did.
Mm.
Anyway
It stands to reason that you're gon na
not pleased.
Well
get the more yobbo-y fans standing than the ones sitting.
That's right?
We had Palace Manchester United people sitting round us and there was no problem were there Paul?
I mean, they have a dig, we have a dig at each other like you're talking and you you you talk, you know like you used to do?
Talk to the next person but really you're talking to there say and they do it back to you, but erm Oh so he didn't, he won't be going again then?
Think he was quite cross.
So where was he standing?
You should put it in context though.
Ten years ago he wouldn't have dreamt of doing that at all, would he?
No.
Right?
If you'd gone into a, with an opposing team's colours into a standing zone police wouldn't have let you go in there let alone wa you wanting to go there.
They'd come out half dead.
So what did they do to them?
Pushed them downstairs, pushed them both downstairs.
What in
They literally pushed them down the stairs?
Mm.
What in that, all that that that ground they pushed them down the stairs during the game?
during the game.
It was probably after wasn't it?
Moira said she didn't tell me all of it but Moira said he was very upset.
Peter said it was a good game when they came home and found that Woking had won five nil they thought they'd chosen the wrong one.
Who Terry?
Peter.
What was Ian like?
I don't think they should pay, pay.
You going to football tomorrow night?
Yeah.
Oh.
I never heard, are we going with Michael?
No.
Homework.
You offered didn't you?
Homework.
Half
Dad?
half, yeah.
Are we being recorded?
No.
Oh yes, we are being recorded.
Yes we are being recorded, yes.
Paul, have you done your homework?
Not really.
Sort of.
Maybe.
Could have done
Go on, have some flan.
Don't like the flan.
Oh go on.
I don't really like it.
Oh Paul!
I tried a bit.
I don't like it one little bit.
It's not nice.
Have some rice then.
It makes you see in the dark.
Have some rice then.
This is the other rice.
I
What
There's white rice in the other bowl.
Cold?
Mhm.
Why?
We usually have hot rice.
Boil in the bag.
So has it been cooked?
So did you speak to Terry about the game?
Not really.
Did John when they scored?
He said got very nasty when they scored two goals within two minutes around
Hear no evil, think no evil, do no I du n no.
Can you explain the other one to me?
Least mine's explicable.
Hear no, no, hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil, which leaves do no evil available.
Do you understand it?
talking to self Hear no evil speak no evil hear no evil see no evil speak no evil
Do you understand it?
Yeah.
What?
Well it's the only available e evil that's left.
But it said do no.
Yeah.
What that doesn't make sense.
Ah Paulie's card.
That was a nice one.
Paulie didn't get that on his own did he?
Take that, no that, no!
Oy.
Come on, off.
Ruthie!
What?
I 'll break Paulie's arm.
Look, there's three minutes to go before the news.
No get off, get off get off Ah get off
Oh my watch!
If that's broken, you're paying.
If that's broken I 'm paying nowt with nowt taken out..
Does this mean we didn't get the whole of London's Burning?
I don't know Ruthie.
Bailiff's dead.
Is he?
Did he die?
Mm here's 'Arry, here's 'Arry boy.
Oh he's singing.
Look mum, dad.
You've got a hammer.
I 'm missing my news.
I bet you're not.
Look, mum.
You've got a hammer.
Yeah I know.
Oh yeah.
Let's have a bit.
have a hammer.
tools.
Watch out leave it at that please mum I wan na watch Oh go on!
Be a devil.
She's tucking in to your toffee.
Mm.
But she banging it.
You have to bang it Ruthie.
Bang it with the paper on it then it won't go all over the place.
It's all about American poets.
Fire away.
Tell me any American poet you know.
Brian Patten
He's not American is he?
Paulie's making it all up.
Is Brian Patten American?
Geoffrey Chaucer.
There you are.
He's ma, he's he's er squitting It's complete squit He's been exposed.
What about one Eric something.
Eric McGraw.
What's an anagram of times to?
What?
How's it spelt?
T I M E S T O.
Let's have a look.
Rather!
What's a religious container?
How many words?
One word, eleven letters.
Take it away from me.
Take it do you want a bit dad?
No thank you.
small bit.
Name a game with four letters ending in O.
Solo.
Polo?
Solo.
Yeah I know but it says game for a change.
It's game for a change.
Polo, solo
Rollo.
That's not a game!
Dolo, scolo does it have to be O L O?
No.
Could be
Game for a change.
Might be an anagram of for a.
Faro, look up F A R O.
Mm?
Look up F A R O.
What country's that Kevin?
This is Italy.
Doesn't look like Italy.
No such word.
Oh yes there is.
A game of chance played by betting on the order appearance of certain cards.
Thank you.
How did you get that?
What was that?
Faro.
Ridiculous!
We're having a whole day next term to sort out testing for the eleven year olds.
Which is a total waste of time cos they 'll rewrite it all in a year's time.
Oh I 'll go and.
We're having Christmas dinner.
Oh thank you Paul.
Paulie, bring me in my, my or has it gone upstairs?
Can you go upstairs, it's in Si's bedroom for us?
I am certain to have
Si's room.
Do you want this lunch then Paul?
No.
You don't want it?
Paul come on.
Don't be silly.
Oh what! up there to get it for you.
Not me.
Mm.
Mm.
Paul.
What?
Do you want christmas lunch?
One pound eighty five, do you want it?
I don't really know
That's illiterate.
The cost is not one pound eighty five pence.
The cost is one pound eighty five.
Do you want it?
Turkey, quiche or packed lunch.
You 'll have turkey won't you?
Turkey with all the trimmings?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Good.
But that's not the ti, the day we break up though is it?
No.
Why are we going home at two two o'clock then?
Mum.
Mum.
I don't know.
What form are you in?
There's no money in my purse.
Has anyone got any change?
Oh, you give the money now?
Yeah.
Well, by Friday.
You have to be joking.
It's Sunday morning so I didn't want to do it.
Right.
I was asked though.
They said I was good.
Have you got any money?
What to play rugby?
Personally asked.
Kevin.
Paul was personally asked if he wanted to join a rugby club.
I 'm wicked at rugby.
I 'm well skilful.
Nobody else was asked.
Blimey.
Did he have a white cane?
Eh?
Like we watched
Right we had had this like we had er ten minutes rugby of the world cup like and this guy he went whoooo ah.
And then when we went out right, we had to do a tackle, you know a big tackle bag.
We had to go boom like.
Right while
Have you got any idea what he's talking about?
No.
he had this big red bag, you had to tackle it.
Yeah I know what it is, yeah.
Right, and it's about A there okay?
And he said aim for that A.
Andrew comes up.
Andrew jumped up, holds on to it, was standing with two.
Then along comes somebody else, I've forgotten his name.
I think it was Philip or something.
And he comes up, kicks it, goes boom.
Hits it so low, he knocks it off and he comes down the wrong way and lands on top of us.
I did a beautiful.
Come in, dive in boom on the A, excellent tackle.
Yeah because you'd watched how the other two.
In other words you get into the rugby team because you happened to go third instead of fourth.
I did another one right
Paul, was this in your lunch hour or in P E?
P E right.
The lady like, you know you have to hold it and let it go right.
The lady was holding it like that I run up, I go ooh bang and it goes.
Are you allowed to laugh in your P E lessons?
Can you imagine anybody being hit by Paulie going?
Sorry, no!
What was he, a pygmy or something?
Anybody less suited to play rugby, Paul, is hard to imagine.
No.
Stubby was good.
Old good old Stubby.
Stubby himself.
Not Stubby Wilkins?
Stubby.
Stubby.
It like something out of Bu Billy Bunter doesn't it?.
.
What's the old country, Kevin?
Eh?
What's the old country?
Talk about the old country, what is it?
In what context?
Give me a context.
Anything.
The old country, you know.
When people say old the old country.
Is it England?
Yeah think so.
Stubby.
His name's Stubby.
Brilliant.
I think Andrew's was the funniest where he just jumps up, goes woof
What were you meant to do?
Right.
There's this big red bag.
It had said four A's, four A's
Name some types of leather?
It had A's up there.
Pigskin.
And Andrew, he wasn't started so he jumped
More.
and sort of went like this and landed on it and went bang down.
More.
Hide.
He really came down like this.
He was rolling all over the floor
More.
.
Then I came up.
Stubby sent it for six.
He comes, he goes poof.
He knocks it and he goes woof.
But the lady's such a wimp though.
lady or how you call them.
What's raw fish?
Salmon.
Disgusting.
Pukey, I du n no.
What's it begin with?
They're not, they're cryptic clues.
Okay.
What's a raw fish.
What's a raw fish not, not a good spot.
Who wrote Leaves of?
Nobody.
It's anonymous.
that word?
It was anonymous.
Anonymous.
Get your homework done Paul please.
Eric.
Well that's Eric Wheeler.
I can see Wheeler in there.
Oh I don't think it is.
Well I 'm so brilliant.
I should know.
Also what's happened to my book?
It's disappeared hasn't it?
Mum.
Well you can't have it.
my
Paul!
You can't have it.
You work on that table.
Put that table like, hang on to that no, sit up at that table.
Why can't I
Just do as you're told.
Why can't I
Do as you're told.
Oh please!
Go on.
No.
No.
Ooh there's a horrible bit coming up where she bounces off a white, they use a white car, it's disgusting.
One of Mike's friends
What?
her sister committed suicide.
I reckon she watched this.
She was cooking the meal, right?
Cooking the evening meal, her husband's left her but has been pestering her or something.
And erm she's just cooking the meal and she went upstairs went into her son's bedroom, got his belt and hung herself and her children coming back from school and find that.
Lovely thing to do to your child.
Doesn't matter how desperate.
Who, who hung herself?
Who hung herself?
Mike's friend's sister.
And Mike's friend's sister said that if this husband comes to the funeral he's gon na swing for him.
He's gon na go for him.
Gon na assault him.
Who, Mike's friend?
Yeah.
How old is Mike's friend?
And the dad of the wo woman says not if I get to him first.
Blimey.
You don't think of your children to do something like that do you?
How can you, could you do that if you've got I mean he's about twelve or thirteen comes home from school
on tranquillisers because the balance of your mind is disturbed.
Must be.
Is that the bit of the body I think it is?
It's a knee.
Well shall we just see that again?
I thought you weren't meant to let them sleep on their fronts like that.
Well you're not really.
It's up to you.
Paulie always slept on his front and he's alive to tell the tale unfortunately.
Do you know any American poets?
I just told you, Eric Wheeler.
You know when I do A squared, do I write four squared as well four?
No.
What's that?
I don't really do, do I?
I do
A squared which is two times two equals four.
What about an A with a little little three, a little little three, a little little three.
That's two times two times two.
It's A times A times A.
Yeah.
So there.
Two times two is four times two is eight.
A four.
Eight times two is sixteen.
C two
If you're at football tonight can't do any recording tomorrow night or will you record on the way again?
I don't really know.
record on the way again, can't we?
No problem.
Actually we're doing quite well with that tape recorder.
We didn't, we've done two sides already now, tonight.
Leave your nails alone.
Well I can't see the television.
Why did you move the chair back where I left it?
You moved the chair.
Why don't you sit in that seat?
Mum, this seat is lovely if you lean back.
It wasn't him, it was that ginger haired woman cos she always takes the
Go on.
mushrooms.
What's sixteen times four mum?
Mum.
Six four.
No.
Are you allowed to transact business at the door Paul?
That's fantastic.
I've just started doing all this and I 'm supposed to be doing section H.
Well done mum for reading that out wrongly to me.
What are you doing?
Section A?
H nine.
You start up A squared don't you?
Yeah.
Why?
That's section G.
Oh aren't you going to do section G?
Oh this is
Oh mum!
Well it won't hurt
Mum!
you to do section G.
section H.
It won't hurt you to do G.
I 'm supposed to do section H and section I.
Well will it matter if you do G?
I don't really know.
It might.
It might not.
I might jump in the lake, I don't really know.
You might get an extra merit mark if you do an extra session.
I don't really know.
I don't!
I don't really know.
Oh fantastic!
That's a great lot of help you are.
It 'll do you good to do G.
It won't do me good to do pipsqueak questions.
If they're pipsqueak why are you asking me?
I 'm not Two A three.
Two A means two times two is four.
No it doesn't.
Two times A cubed.
So what is it?
What's A cubed?
It's eight, so it's sixteen.
Mm?
Two B two C.
Now then Two B.
Two B squared C?
Yeah that's what I already said.
What?
Don't forget
Two B little two with a C after it.
Two B squared C?
What?
Show me.
What G seven?
Two B squared C.
Well what's C?
B, you do the square bit first.
B squared.
Oh.
Nine.
Right.
Times two.
Eighteen.
Times C.
Eighteen times C.
Eighteen times what?
Times two.
I knew that.
What, and was it seventy two?
Mm.
Come on Paul.
Get it done.
You're supposed to be sitting up at the table.
That's what the table's there for.
Four A two B.
I don't understand how to do these.
You do the A squared bit first.
Two squared is
Four.
Times four.
Sixteen.
Times C.
Sixteen times three?
Is forty eight.
Mm.
What are horse's odds Kevin?
You what?
What are horse's odds?
Horse's odds.
Mm.
What are they?
Well what could they be in letters?
Evens?
is it a?
I don't really know.
No letters?
Ah.
Right outside our house.
Father Christmas is
What is it?
walking around.
Well you'd better get some money ready then hadn't you?
I haven't got a penny in my purse.
There's a pound upstairs Paulie.
Have a look upstairs.
Hurry up.
Quick
and no-one's singing.
Who's it for?
That's a milkfloat isn't it?
Effective isn't it?
Who is it, Rotary?
Yeah it's Round Table for the old people.
Bit early I agree but
See what they've done they've waited for December haven't they?
It's rather crafty and they're gon na do it every night.
Well I bet they go on every night until
go out stop it again Paul.
Bang.
Bang.
Oh Paul get on with your job.
I asked you for your one pound eighty five and you said no.
You pay, I 'll pay you back.
paper I can have Paulie?
I don't really.
So three A two mum, what do I do first?
The A two?
Yes.
So I do two squared is four times the three?
Mum?
Mum.
Three A two.
A equals two, two times two is four times three?
Yes.
Oh.
Times four B so I keep it.
Twelve plus four B?
What's B?
Three.
Well it's twelve plus twelve.
That's twenty four.
Twenty four's the answer?
so American poets.
I told you Eric Wheeler.
I 'm not gon na keep saying that one.
It isn't Eric.
It's E something L something.
Eldric.
Doesn't fit!
Mum guess
What's colloquial for greens?
Pulses.
three letters.
Greens is in golf isn't it?
Greens?
What is it G A B A V E?
What's he doing
Golf, what do you play on?
Golf
Well don't let him in yet.
course
going?
tee.
Minus twelve.
What's minus twelve?
got to answer the question forty eight minus sixty.
Is it minus twelve?
Surely it's forty eight times sixty.
Is it M A and U minus twelve?
It's N cubed minus M N U.
N is four t N
Four fours are sixteen.
Sixteen fours are sixty four.
What!
You said forty eight!
You asked me what sixteen threes are.
Oh!
Sixteen.
So it's four, the answer.
He's a dreadful actor isn't he?
No well suppose
Well
he's doing that quite well.
I mean what he's done what the director's telling him to do.
Well yes.
Yeah.
It's a crummy part isn't it?
Utter rubbish.
This isn't London fire oh can you re- run that please?
Well I don't think we want to see that do we?
Oh I l I l I like looking at it that's the main thing.
Oh!
Please.
It's better going up than down.
Yeah.
Yeeeow.
Yeeeow.
It's the same thing over again on two.
Yeeeow.
And again yeeeow.
Four times.
That's when it came down on him.
That's the end.
That last one was when it came down on him wasn't it?
That was his view.
Oh dear.
Bang.
Ooh.
Hot spot.
What is a hot spot is not a good spot.
Aren't you a bit early for chrissy decorations isn't it? our tree when send for it.
Made eight hundred and fifty quid on Saturday.
Hundred down.
Joyce said their fare was a hundred down as well.
How was sorry what was how much?
We made eight fifty that's a hundred down but Joyce said their fare was a hundred down as well.
Mm.
The people who used to get a thousand aren't quite getting a thousand any more.
Mum!
Erm what is three M squared U?
Three M squared U?
M squared first M squared first!
Hello, we're at fisticuffs here.
Except his cop badge.
What is M squared mum?
I 'm cracking up.
M equals three.
Three squared is nine.
Nine threes are twenty seven.
What's U?
Five.
Twenty seven fives?
Paulie's burnt out like that fireman, look.
He's got algebra fatigue.
He's gone.
Come on mum!
A hundred and thirty five, use your maths.
You, she shouldn't be using her maths!
You should be doing it.
I just did!
A hundred and thirty five!
What's the problem then?
Don't understand how it looks.
Can someone please tell me the names of some American poets!
We don't know any.
Is that the answer?
A hundred and thirty five?
Might be.
Oh.
Come on.
What is a fabled being?
A unicorn, what else? a fabled being.
I don't know.
Perhaps it's a rug.
Oh look.
It's me favourite.
Or or dad or
Ugh!
or a rug.
Or
What ugh?
Geoffrey Archer or magic Johnson
with a stick?
No.
or Ian Maxwell or a video recorder or a packet of hula hoops.
You're not helping?
I've never got so I've never not got so far with this crossword.
interesting.
Dad can I ask you seeing she's totally void of any brains.
Yeah I can knock it, I 'll knock it home.
Oh look!
The watch on the right there they both get smashed but the one on the back will cost you the one on the right will cost you as much to replace its glass as the one on the left completely.
You think the other one's gon na be alright but of course they both get smashed.
But the one on the right it's glass will cost you more to replace than the complete
Beware of an expensive imitation.
Okay dad.
They're good because that's the company you bought me
Dad the one with the brain can I ask you?
Yeah.
And the one with the sense of humour and the one that actually
Daddy can't do algebra.
Well you can't either obviously, can you?
You can only do it when you're in the right mood.
Three Q R squared.
What!
Three Q R squared.
Three Q R squared?
What's R?
I don't really, oh I 'm looking at the wrong bit.
You're not concentrating at all Paul are you?
Two N two M.
N two first N squared equals four is sixteen times the two is thirty two
Why don't you do it on a calculator?
times three ninety six.
It's against my rules to use a calculator!
Well who's gon na know!
Make note of that brilliant word used there.
What?
Morals.
Morals.
You said it's against my something else didn't you?
Morale, no it was a wicked word.
Oh what a weird advert this one, look.
Post in spell?
Holsten pils.
Oh.
Stupid advert.
Pil ce not pils.
Tut.
Pils!
It is pils.
You say
Pilce.
can I have a pils when you go.
No, you pilce.
Oh you haven't gone up to a bar and asked for a pils have you?
No, but you have.
You have.
Have I.
You always ask for a pils.
What's wrong?
Oh what's he done?
a child minder I suppose.
What goes on water?
A boat.
Water skiers.
Going on water they must stage a.
It's
What's another word for a brawl?
S skirmish.
Er
Quarrel.
A scrap.
Yeah, a scrap.
Motteose
Who?
What?
I du n no.
A motteose?
Times to find character in brawls.
I think it might be an anagram of times to.
Well write it down.
I 'm writing it down.
Strike.
Or perhaps it's in brawls and means.
What's the sound of nails?
What are burdens?
What?
What is a burden?
You know what burden means.
Three letters.
He's in London's Burning.
Mm.
Who?
Which one?
Him.
As who?
Du n no but he is.
He's the one who's just had a breakdown.
Who has?
No it's not.
That man with a beard has just had a breakdown in London's Burning.
Mum
What the one no we haven't just seen him.
No.
Yeah with the beard off.
No it's not!
No way!
No I 'm not, don't rewind it.
It's not.
I can't rewind it.
Easy to tell it's not.
He's got a beard on, he's different, looks different with a beard on.
Mum, you think you've seen everybody before.
Why is she in a huff?
She's pregnant.
Give me a first name that begins with R and ends in an H.
Two times one is two yeah?
Yes.
Plus three cubed that's two.
Three times two is six, that's seven.
Four R nineteen.
P Q R.
That's P times Q times R.
One times two is two, times three is six
She reminds me a bit of Jen this girl.
Don't think Jen would thank me for that though.
No.
Nor do I.
Give me a three letter word for a.
What's wrong with her?
Why, why wouldn't she thank you for that?
well I du n no, well I think she's quite nice actually.
Jen might think she's a bit tarty but she plays a tarty bit in it doesn't she?
It's a horrible part, she.
What is one squared?
One times one is one isn't it?
That's one plus two times three, six.
The answers six.
Give me a type of weapon.
A gun an arrow er.
Give me the letters.
What, how many letters?
Seven.
Er slingshot.
A sword a shield an axe spear er a dagger.
Dagger?
It's longer.
Don't know.
I want a fabled being.
What?
Fabled being.
A mythical creature.
Er
Ha!
December the second nineteen seventy one.
Twenty years ago.
Is it deliberately supposed to be that because it's December the second today?
Yeah.
Four P Q R mum, does that mean
It means four times P times Q times R.
Oh yeah I know that.
Do it for him then.
Four times P
When the letter goes dot next to it it's multiply isn't it?
Dad!
Dot?
Well you know next to each other like, like Q P R that's Queens Park Rangers.
Queens Park Rangers.
You multiply queens by park by rangers.
That's like saying six bananas times four apples.
You can't do it.
Yes you can if you know what it is.
You can't.
You can't multiply four bananas by six apples.
But then why me to be able to do four four Q P R?
Because they're different units.
They're not actual things.
Oh stop going on about rubbish.
So it's
I can't do this crossword because I don't know any American poets.
four times one.
Come on, forget about it.
It's not very important.
Well what's that?
Yes this is.
It's miles more important than that.
Mr will tweak his ear off if he doesn't get that done.
Four plus two is eight times three is sixteen no twenty
What's colloquialism for the green party?
Environment.
Have they got any initials?
No seats.
Yes!
I've finished it.
Oh I hate maths.
It's really hard, specially homework.
Algebra!
How many points is er in front of you now?
Mm he's got sixty one and I've got fifty four.
Oh well he's just pulling away.
Like if you look like er Woking, you're W he's Woking and you're Enfield.
Paulie.
I've just beaten him
Your maths like Laura.
What's Laura got?
She's a.
God if you're away you lose points.
Vital points.
she doesn't lose any vital points.
You what?
Oh
lose any vital points.
only got one when she gets back.
Paulie I want my back scratched.
Come on!
Get out of it!
Means money.
Not a chance.
Not a chance in a million.
Dad.
D' you know what that guy's name is?
Who?
Desmond.
Which one is Desmond?
Desmond!
Which one?
Oh the old one?
Yeah Desmond doo doo doo Desmond.
His name is Desmond.
Da da da Desmond.
His name is Desmond.
Desmond, his name is Desmond.
Da da da da.
Right get that tape going Paulie, quick.
It's on.
Oh yeah
I didn't see in the end.
I thought see him.
Went out to see the puppet,, one good thing at least it shows he's being quite a good boy not sure about the school
about the school.
Well, they've had, they've only had you must of been better or Miss Johnson would of said you couldn't go to the public
Well, it's because it's a waste of time stopping him going to see them, if that doesn't work you don't keep doing it do you?
Yeah, but how do you know it didn't work?
He didn't even know did he?
What did uncle Edward say about.
the Rumbelows cup, I said you said that without when they don't win the league you say ah, its only the league.
Well we beat them four, three in the F A cup final cup.
She don't, the first time in our history
Yeah, and the, that's ever been made to have one
in that competition, they've been beaten cup.
European's in the F A cup then?
That ain't terrible they mentioned Swansea in the early sixties, but eh
Does the top
I don't, I 'm thinking if I had some scrapers always managed eventually get through like we did.
ah, ah they've got a better crowd for that day ain't they dad?
I don't know why.
Warmer There must of been three thousand, two and a half thousand, membership at Birmingham's
So what Birmingham's
Do they? don't know with all that corner and a, a, and one with great, one with the lock in the Alex could
have to take a day off work.
Oh a couple of there's youngsters, there what, those two boys that talk to us they must of been about, at the most eighteen I think, messing about getting chips and fish and burgers and stuff, rubbish.
home.
There's two blokes, that, in there, in the fish shop the one in the blue, the tall one, eighteen, they were about twenty three
No.
they weren't, they weren't in their teens, no way.
You went to see that bloke only maybe still at school just finishes school about two years ago
Yeah
really, that guy in the blue?
Got the car things going through.
Mm, got them, on Monks Lane the
But he's injured.
Yes, and its not through yet, presumably they 'll have another look at it at the end of the month.
You want the papers you've yet to find someone with a painting and
He is fast quick off the mark when he gets going
That's what he says, I really have seen the place, the man in the pass him
Why?
What's wrong with that penalty I saw it,
but Paul doesn't agree.
How do you know it's on now?
What's wrong with that?
Seems to me like he saved it.
Yeah
Just mucking about, look, look, he.
Oh.
eating.
Who me? dad.
Pretty good
Paul just eat.
I
Sshh
Oh, thank you treasure when you've finished your milk Paul you can have the paper back.
it off.
Have we seen it?
No.
Eight o'clock I 'll record it for you, you are watching it?
sequel rip off
Yes, your right
What?
I haven't seen it before
I think I might of done
No.
Tom Banks and some twelve year old in a thirty five year old body anyway you are not watching it because you are going to bed eight o'clock, is that not right daddy?
What time did you get in last night?
Twelve
Is it necessary to be so rude Paul?
What did uncle say about.
the Rumbelows cup, I said you said that without when they don't win the league you say ah, its only the league.
Well we beat them four, three in the F A cup final cup.
She don't, the first time in our history
Yeah, and the, that's ever been made to have one
in that competition, they've been beaten cup.
European's in the F A cup then?
That ain't terrible they mentioned Swansea in the early sixties, but eh
Does the top
I don't, I 'm thinking if I had some scrapers always managed eventually get through like we did.
ah, ah they've got a better crowd for that day ain't they dad?
I don't know why.
Warmer There must of been three thousand, two and a half thousand, membership at Birmingham's
So what Birmingham's
Do they? don't know with all that corner and a, and one with great, one with the lock in the Alex could
have to take a day off work.
Oh a couple of there's youngsters, there what, those two boys that talk to us they must of been about, at the most eighteen I think, messing about getting chips and fish and burgers and stuff, rubbish.
home.
There's two blokes, that, in there, in the fish shop the one in the blue, the tall one, eighteen, there about twenty three
No.
they weren't, they weren't in their teens, no way.
You went to see that bloke only maybe still at school just finishes school about two years ago
Yeah
really, that guy in the blue?
You heard about the eh education secretary's faux pas somebody from Jack section, he, he's apparently he slipped up er, and said right and Jack said to him I was to tell the education authorities suggest that you do when the education er clerk turn to Mr and said you are just, streaming is when he put one child in the same group for all subjects, setting is when there in different groups according to their ability, so you could be a Maths set A or an English set B, awkward isn't it?
Imagine rushing out to find your equipment
Yeah
so Jack good cos he's a teacher.
Yeah, funny but he had to shout
you are just playing with the
So what, what have, we've been
No, you've been streamed, oh no you've been are on different groups then?, have you got a photo of them in the top set for something and the bottom set for
top set for bottom set for a, at least a year.
Are they?
down the stream they are
it's strictly speaking streaming is when Paul would be in the top group for everything not necessarily, I mean settings better really it's important
if he can do it, ain't that awful education then?
So do you mean settings a
No I think he generally thought they were the same thing, I think I would of done if I wasn't an educationalist, but I mean it's his business to know really isn't it?
What's Samantha?
Words, she's playing with words.
We're not are we?
No, quite.
There's a different why would you want to be a streamed, after all.
Well streaming's easier, the completion
Yeah, Ruth look, crumbling school
Is it?
You could always say your spending more
every year.
Well John
to spend more
cos John just phoned up by three hundred pounds.
Mind you he gets things done doesn't he?
Yeah, but we can't afford that, says he might have to loose staff
he says anything that comes into his head.
Very dodgy position, but your the one that's just taken up full time post
I 'm not.
Maybe
Well got a contract that made redundant
I 'm not permanent
What?
I 'm not permanent.
What do you mean?
What, er, Vicky and that have got temporary contracts, Moira's got a temporary contract
I mean if you want could you say I want the same as fourth year job?
No, I would say I want the same school, you can do with me what you like, Paul I suggest you don't throw that away before I loose my temper with you.
He, he's allowed to choose which one he makes sacks, sacks though isn't he, I mean
You can't, you have to, people with temporary contracts have to first
Really?, have too?
Yeah and he got I think.
Are you look how much he's eaten.
Are you friendly with the governors?
I don't need to be,
It's a bit like me, you don't expect to loose your job but you, you can, you can, no one these days can say you can't
No, no
Everyone now knows you can.
Yeah
Trouble is with all this efficiency right and we can cut cost and do this and we streamline this, in the end unless you tell people, you've still got those people on your hands haven't you, you still in the end you've got to pay their unemployment benefit haven't you?
Yeah.
and then you wonder sometimes, okay it makes everybody off balance
balance, the balance all balance their books, but in the end they all start complaining about that extra tax and corporation tax, why, because the governments got to play with the people of income
Mum
employed.
Yeah
do you reckon at the end of this year will offer you a full time job?
I've got a permanent contract, I 'm safe until September ninety two then my job doesn't exist any more, then I 'm not
Hang on, will he offer you the job?
Offer me what job?
You've got one year fourth year, yes?
Yeah
Well he
I've got two years
two years
Is everybody like that though, is to mean here's Jan, where's Jan's contract go too?
Jan
Yeah, she's permanent
Well
The only reason is because my year vanishes
oh
in two years time my year doesn't exist any more
so you could be made redundant then
I could be, yes,
But don't you get one option
I was given two year option in the first place, so so
So he doesn't
moved down
vanish does he?
well he does really.
Everyone moves down one.
Yes, but a lot of people refuse to move down one.
It's only one year difference is it?
You 'll find that
No one wants to move down one.
Yeah, but you 'll find that when the people will get threaten with their job loses they do everything, do anything.
Oh I won't.
Well you want to keep searching.
I don't mind teaching one year though, but nobody else wants to move down, I move down and Liz moves down that's this places Jo erm, Jan they won't want to move down, they move down that the next two, they don't wan na move, Terry doesn't want to go down any lower
Why does go down in the first place?
You should of seen he has decorated the school, I said
Who?
you really like Christmas don't you John?, he said yes, the hall way you can not move in the hall way, it is dripping with decorations, right,
the phone goes this morning, hop of Daisy, goes to answer it, Santa's Grotto he says, a member of the public phoning to say that they found a child's bag in the high street.
What?
Oh dear.
What do you do with a man like that?
How what, how
It's a child really isn't it?
I didn't get that, say that again.
Because he's got so much decorations up, he answers a funny
he's in Murphy's decorating shop
In the right
He's been doing it for twenty years
picks up the phone not knowing who it is and says Santa's Grotto it is funny isn't it?
but as mummy says it's not what a respectable headmaster is supposed to do is it?
He laugh it.
Well, I tell you something all the children in my class have got perfect as near as your gon na get.
He just hasn't got a clue, apparently he said last night he never thought it would be so hard, he had a confession with Liz or something, never thought it would be so hard and he's really struggled this year, really, really hard work, nothing like being a deputy which to me he's an idiot if he didn't know that, he's feeling guilty about the phone bill, but hasn't got any money at all for anything
But then I, I, it's unfortunate that you had your first I mean someone who had no experience of headmastership, head, head teachers, I mean all the head teachers I should think are in financial problems this year cos it's really there first full year
Yeah
isn't it?, right, but I mean, he has, he's had other problems to compound it and distract it
yeah
and he's made it probably an even worse hash than, than the average teacher
He just can't manage money, full stop.
I mean he's a, he's got to a, he's got to be a claim all across the whole sitting is that the, that their budgeting is not enough is it?
Yeah, but
Mum, mum
What?
why do these things, you've done it, why library
Paul
It is.
The books have been stolen at the rate of twenty or thirty a day.
That's his fault, is it?, it's the teachers fault
Is that really true or is that an exaggeration?
Look at the shelves
Think about it, is it twenty or thirty a day?
Yes, he came into the hall the other day and he tipped out
Well he only asked, I mean that's obvious that he can say children
he tipped out a pile of library tickets onto the thing and it was, it was a, it was, must of been, it was hundreds
Yeah, what
And he said this is a month, this was a month after the end of term, this, can't find books for any of these tickets, they're not in any children's
Well he borrowed
the books for didn't he?
No.
He checked, who checked up
They're not found in the library, all the loose tickets, a mountain of them, surely you just take the tickets out and shut the book.
But then if it's twenty or thirty it stands to reason that's probably about the same
household
the same children stealing them
yeah
every day, well why
yeah
don't you clamped down on these kids?
Well, we've tried.
When a child came in this morning, the one I, that we accused of taking that out, he said he didn't take it, I went on and on and on, he said he didn't take it, I said I want a letter from your father to say that you bought it then, that doesn't mean anything, the father could lie.
Why did you ask for?
The point is you don't do these children any service by letting them getting away with it, cos they think they can get away with it.
What can you do?
You can't prove they did it
It does sound quite good if you give them, I suppose for math tuition probably sat twenty five to.
Why you're doing this Christmas, it may be my last, John said what do you mean, I said well, I don't know if I 'm going to be in a classroom this time next year, I mean, I really enjoy Christmas with the children, fifteen years since I've done it, I've forgotten how I enjoyed myself.
Then what did he say?
Why?
They were testing those big signs on the motorway today
Yeah, yeah
Said this is a test ignore, this is a test and there was sort of like keying in
typing on them?
Yeah.
What will it be able to tell you then?
Well anything, any message I suppose, you can key in any message you want
What Mr leave at junction forty
Yeah I should imagine so but they wouldn't, but they could.
Gosh, posh, cosh, cough, have you seen this headline? gosh, posh, cosh, cough
Dad
What?
want to look at these
What's he to me know?, what?
What, remember, surely your going to be
Well I, I, don't think no, no, there not gazing up is it really, I mean is, its so huge you couldn't miss them
Have you seen this Paul?, gosh, posh, cosh, cough
Gosh, posh
Posh
cosh
your pathetic, and what do these make it, cough
You don't see the, the
tabloid there, I read those, the headlines are hilarious, the headlines I think the manager who runs the headlines in The Sun is more funny than it all together.
That is it, what's that one that, gosh, posh, cosh, cough, gosh, posh, cosh, gosh posh, cosh, gosh
Come on hurry up, homework.
Why they, dad, dad, why they posh in the because that
It doesn't make sense, does it?
is at Liverpool
Hey, can you speak any Italian yet?
Yeah.
Go on then.
Have you got your Italianers your father says, you should have a text book called El Italianer.
I have got a text book called Chow.
chow.
There's not much of an is it Italian?
Chow, bon acerous.
What does that mean?
Eh,
Bon acerous you say anything else?
Want a lot?
speaking Italian
What does that mean?
School
What?
School.
its so simple.
It doesn't sound simple.
But right, there's this word, a on the end right, some right that means boy, because O means boys and E with an e on the end
Means girls.
Girls and, and with with an I is erm
Boys and girls.
No girl.
is girl and is girl
You get boy, girl, boys, girls, look I show you, I read you out everything I've done.
Giacomo, Martin is Martino, Paul is Paulo
oh Martino
Nicholas is Nicola
give it to me
er lets see er here are speaking Italian is boy speaking Italian is boys, speaking Italian is girl and speaking Italian is girls.
Is that
Yeah, if you add O, you put an O on it to make it plural and A you just put an E on it.
where is the beach?
Oh what a very useful thing to know cos your not likely to go to live there
lease to meet you, wicked, wicked take this sentence er er what with me
See this picture in the centre court, did you see that?
Yeah.
Brilliant isn't it?
all day long.
What?
Would you?
No
What doing to it?
Putting a roof on it
No more umbrellas.
These papers are the same aren't they, exactly the same stuff in them.
Huh, just surprise it wasn't eighty per cent
office they're all right.
I du n no, don't wan na go.
Oh, maybe
I don't get any free time off you see, cos Jenny goes to Australia on Monday.
She only had two weeks from her free time.
Who do they know in Australia then?
and she's off for eleven full days and John could only afford to supply the three of them.
Say that again, sorry I can't
She's off for eleven school days and John can only pay for supplies for three of them.
Hasn't he got enough money?
What did we have for dinner last night?
Nothing, you went out to football.
what did we have for dinner the night before that?
Oh I had flan, you had nothing don't you dare get me into trouble because had nothing to eat.
, nothing, milk, nothing.
O couldn't really be nothing.
Well what
What about the eight packets of crisps you've had?
I haven't had eight packets of crisps
I expect so.
I had flan on Monday night, daddy had nothing you had cheese
I had
Posh, nosh
Gosh, posh, cosh, cough
Sshh, Paulie.
You want coffee Ruthie?
Yeah
That milk?
there's one Caffitino left, I 'll have it in a mug, as full as possible
This is full?
Oh, that's hard on the eyes isn't it Ruthie?
Yeah
Oh no it's Graham the er cartoonist of Fred Bassett died.
Mm, I saw that
I wonder if somebody else will take it on? my new mug.
It's lovely I've tried
Oh yeah.
It's not very full.
It's your last one you 'll ever have Ruthie
I know.
Weird is it?
What?
I drank my last orange one in school, chocolate and coconut
Has it got, we had a and you're allowed to fire the shot are you?
Yep.
Oh come on
The sketch involved staggering around completely blotto.
Who?
This, can you see this Davro.
Oh yeah.
And he said it wasn't his fault, he, he told to do by the script writers, but I mean it's to make out that he had no right to, it's ridiculous.
There's only one light, a bit naught, it's
waited for
not right is it?
What is?
When you said them all to
That can
Yeah, I've already read that book this morning song, I lovely Christmas book, only two twenty five and er.
Right eat up some of this salad I 'm only on some
Must put that champagne, once you've done that orange er Ruth, orange, put the champagne in there
.
You thinking of a special occasion?
Yes my birthday Rufus
Right, what do you want, spritzer or
No I 'll have an orange that erm, straight from the bottle.
Paul what do you want to drink?
Er
There's not enough room to
Er
Can I have a coke please?
Some of those dishes need to go up here.
Up where?
Pass them to me I 'll do it now, some of those fruit dishes, there's not enough room there for the glasses, I like them then I 'll take them.
Right, while we.
You going to this, what a toy party is it?
Well I might call in there.
Best to, I place.
Yes I know.
You've got some great
There's some more in there.
No, you've got some er grapefruit to drink up
Daddy, daddy, daddy, dad, dad, dad, dado
Yes.
I ought to cancel the milk tomorrow.
, what did you do with the of the milk we had?
Oh I chucked that.
So much
I got ta make a dozen mince pies for the, she said can you make a dozen mince for the, I said no Sheila, she said pardon, I said no, I said I'd buy twelve I will not make twelve, so after that she 's, then went round everybody could make twelve mince pies, it's a bit of a nerve isn't it?, seems a bit of a nerve asking us to buy the wool and make
Well, can't be fairer than that, she was passing on John's weren't she?
Ah, typical
another one like Trevor no matter what they, how they reason with what they saying it always puts people's backs up.
We've only got
I think it's both the same
no, that's yours and
Of course, he's gon na say no isn't he?
Local firm designing twenty five warning signs.
Oh, first is it? that
Rochelle and Company,
I just opposite Macdonald's road
What they've fallen down, broken down have they?
No,.
They confirmed to make up to a thousand different messages You know that Chinese shop in Woking?
Yeah, Mah Jong
Three of them.
Two Mah Jong 's.
Mm.
Where's the other two then?
Ah, Twickenham, Norton.
Those coke ones are yours now, they're not, they are ones we don't do without.
We had twelve
Yeah
taking those?
No, I can't take them.
Well we 'll crush them, and then you can take them, wash and crush them, then you can take them in a box, to your school, put them in your school, yeah.
crush them for school.
No someone has to.
They crush them they have people standing round crushing
Why did I, why did I do, put them in the machine instead of dropping them on the floor then?
I at school was he?
Well he should of carried it home and carried it all the way back again
Would you have done?
Er,
Take those a waste of time.
You must have put about six of those in the bin.
Yeah, you can saying oh,
Dad, you wasn't
Get in trouble
Dad, he can't be still.
Oh because we, we don't, we don't have at school, we have Pepsi in our machine.
Our machine actually is a Pepsi, it sells Lucozade, Ribena, Apple Tango
Well we could put them all in the thing can't we? all in the canned box, it's lovely and we could put at the top no Pepsi can
Oh, she's doing well in the
They get some weird trips don't they?
I think you have to er, er, you have to be a certain kind of person, you have to be prepared to anything don't you?
I don't think, I don't think you're allowed to say ooh, I don't think I'd like to do that.
There's a job down don't they.
Only for a bloke actually it's pretty easy, but for some of the girls I mean they sometimes has to false herself.
There was a scene where she had to go upsta up the top of a windmill weren't there windmill wings oh what those things, I don't think she was too keen on height
Wasn't it the first black they'd ever had there, dad?
Du n no.
Those black you only had
Spooky, it's spiritual, it's like re-in I often believe in re-incarnation when you hear stories like that, how can someone just sit down, little child sit down and play the violin.
Three and he just came on and played the piano.
Like somebody dare.
See Palace have bought Franz Carr.
Palace what? oh what they're gon na buy him soon?
Like you say, I don't think he can be too good at, if he tried, he has had a lot of injuries apparently.
He was a brilliant player, bright some players do.
Oh they've dropped Goodman now, good I preferred Goodman with, to Gabbiadini.
Goodman's rubbish.
What?
Spurs go to the Soviet.
Ooh, how many Tuesdays is this in the row that plays the dad?
Too many.
Six?
No
How, but if we go to those two games each Tuesday count to three.
Do they?
No go through them.
to me
Birmingham away
Yeah
Birmingham home, Q P R away, Birmingham home, Chelsea at home, Swindon away
Swindon away, yeah, you're right.
I thought I thought you meant weekly
born free
Homework.
Well after this if they got a big rest didn't it, because I looked at, when we played Norwich and it was March the nineteenth, well given that there was a game the week before, are you listening to me?
Yes.
What did I say?
Given the game before
That doesn't make any sense, before
That's what you said
yeah, you
Norwich.
no I 'm just saying once I, this, this semi-final gets over it doesn't look like the southern final gets played till February March.
Quick,
probably will
are we, we're in the semi-finals so if we win that
Southern semi-final.
If we win that we're in the final at Wembley, what, what if we beat Chelsea at Wembley?
No.
Yes, you said that
No, whoever wins this has got to play the southern final, that's what I 'm just saying, the southern final was Norwich last year
then the final
and that wasn't till March this year
born free,
March nineteen ninety one they played that.
So why is he killing ourselves getting this over and done with?
I don't know.
Weird.
I noticed Dennis took precedence over the foot run by Pat, but he, he
Got a, pull one back, then he's five behind, here he comes, he's beaten Nora, two behind Nora now.
What merit points?
You're two behind Laura
and I 'm five behind er Hinds.
Hinds' gone into the lead.
He and Heather, Laura
Wow.
Laura's burnt out.
What?
Laura's gone and burnt out, he's streaks ahead he is.
They are three days.
didn't get one for English, I did, I did
What for?
I got one for English I did, I did
What for?
born free for that Daily Telegraph bit.
Did any one correct your spellings?
Born free, oh by the way I went to that study centre, I went to that study centre and she looked at it she asked me what spilt over it and she said oh it's still readable and she said well done for coming to er
I told you.
apologize, I think she was a.
Paul, do you think you could start loaning this directly in the whole article about loneliness?
How do you spell it?
Loneliness, loneliness is a state of mind.
Loneliness, loneliness what do I do?
Oh Paul you've spelt your wrong, didn't anybody correct it?
What.
born free, born free
What's spelt wrong now?
He's spelt longliness
Longliness
and your, Y O U R apostrophe E good use of alliteration.
Tommy tarantula had torn his tattered trousers to threads before his terrible teeth consisted of tea, toast and trifle and some tapioca followed by T-bone steak, plus a round of
Did the teachers spell alliteration right?
Tandoori takeaway, yeah the teacher spelt, good writing.
Why some of these underlined in red Paul?
What?
Why some of these words underlined in red?
Well it's the T words here, that's what I used in there.
No you didn't.
What, which one didn't I use?
Takeaway, toast,
Tandoori takeaway it's all there
toast
Toast there
It's not there though.
born free look at merito I've got a merito for every piece of work I've done
Well I wish they'd correct your spelling.
she looks at the
Say that was good?
Merita, merita, oh merita
Oh Paul whose w W H O apostrophe S, that's dreadful whose
Oh, oh says Paulie.
What to do, she, she met, she did do it
Yeah, she corrected it.
I beat Heidi on that, though still got a merito, got nine point for my spelling test.
Why don't you
that is quite a good one that.
Oh Paul, oh Paul, oh, then the mother unfortunately deceased what on earth does that mean?
Died.
well, deceased is having died, not died you mean die, unfortunately die
I don't want to use die twice
I can remember quite
die
far back in my life so I can recall my first piece of actual writing, I have a scrapbook at home and I look at it regularly, it had my first pieces of work in it, I usually drew pictures and then wrote things, my first piece was on A four and I have drawn a table, my mum and myself, I was holding a, I wrote one sentence and it was surprisingly literate this is what I wrote, it is my party and I wait for my friends to come, I did many pieces of work
it's my party and I cry
like that and eventually with the help of my mum I could join sentences together to make a real piece of writing.
My first page of writing was about Bluebell Railway where we used to go with my brothers and ride on the sea bed have you seen this Kevin?
Mm.
it's my party and I da, da, da, da
I wrote one sentence and it was surprisingly literate all you need is to do something about your spelling
it's my party, look at my nice writing mum, that was
You got all in that, English there, English there, English there and English there, and that I had six merit points yesterday.
Right, homework Thursday design a drama.
Well it doesn't mean you don't have to do it.
I don't know what homework I've got.
Why aren't you suppose to find out?
I probably, homework, because her daughter was dying or something and she, her daughter was quite seriously ill and taken to hospital, so we just had Miss so we weren't given any homework for that
What did you do in Miss?
I wasn't I? and I don't think I have any, I don't know.
Well you're trying to say you haven't got any homework?
No, I've got to revise for my erm science test tomorrow and I've got loads of stuff to do, I've got to keep going for the weekend, actually I haven't got that much to do, I've got drama that I can do if you just would be so kind turn over to number three so I can have a look at some adverts I've got a, will there be any adverts after
We don't want number three now.
I know, but can I just have a burst of adverts?
You know all the adverts off by heart
some adverts Cleared out my locker I put all the that's what I 'm doing
There's a woman here called Miss, who had a baby in Asda, she's called her daughter Danielle Elizabeth Asda
Well she's the woman, I've just realized that, look, look.
I can't see
Oh fair enough.
The woman in what?
Emmerdale.
Oh yeah the barmaid
The barmaid.
Oh where have I seen her face?
Cheeky blighter.
Not that face
Perhaps that's where this.
That guy at Engin Ruth, he gave a reasonable talk didn't he they reckon he's got a mental age of ten years old.
You mean the hostage.
No, Engin the, one of this Tottenham three
Well most of the ten year olds in my class can speak reasonably.
Do they?
Didn't, one of those hostages had suffered brain damage from the
Oh, I don't know.
Well
.
cos he was thrown against the wall and hit a mole on his head or something and it caused a bruise and it has actually damaged his brain.
I think there's brain damage and brain damage but
Did your little group get Winston Silcott, on my quiz?
Yes.
Who did?
Not me.
Ah, dad wasn't it?
I suppose, take this problem.
for
Watched she sing?, when I got Silcott on the
Yeah, you said,
Her
what's her name was
Silcott
You don't.
Is Radcliffe's school called Magna Carta?
mum, I read out all these school names, see if you know what they are,
Mm.
brown.
Mm.
Mm.
John the Baptist.
Mm.
Silegions.
Silegions.
Mm.
Magna Carta.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm, mm.
You have them?, er Guildford County School.
Mm, that's the.
George Abbott.
Mm.
Who goes to George Abbott?
Don't know, Simon's mother teachers at Guildford County.
Where's Park Vile?
Park Vile is a school for disabled children in Guildford, Maread
Oh what kind of
and Mohammed's gon na go there
What's Ma, Magna Carta?
That's the only one I don't know Oh that would never do would it?
Can't, can't please their youngsters out of thirty pound shirts
I don't think at all.
I've won the pools.
Why is it called mange tout Paul?
Peas.
What does mange tout mean?
Little
No why are mange tout peas called mange tout?
Erm, small.
No.
What?
Mange tout, your french mange means
tout means
I don't know.
everything, all, mange tout, eat all, that's why it's called mange tout cos he eats everything, and mange tout peas are called mange tout cos you eat the pods, twit
Okay, out of all these whose high school, out of all these list which one do you reckon will be the most complex system of,,, St John the Baptist,, Magna Carta, Bishop, Hart Brown, county school, George Abbott.
Say John the Baptist.
How did you know that?
Cos I 'm a musician.
And what would they be, what
St. John the Baptist.
No.
I don't know crotchet.
Quaver, crotchet, quaver, crotchet, quaver
Sounds like you
No you're not going.
Ya, ya, ya,
Dad's says Liverpool are winning
Weren't Liv weren't the easy team they've had so far, they were, was quite hard as well I think, what you should of said, yes and I 'm Peterborough UEFA cup.
I don't think you 'll get through.
.
Ah, we don't need the UEFA cup miss, it's only a UEFA cup.
Don't,.
Well grovel answer we get the
One of those tapes has got big on, leave it,
That's your football one isn't it? that one's free now, your thinking of vice versa weren't we?, when I was thinking of big, yeah
I was.
You think what?
Get off
That weren't wicked
this bookline outlines these I have done some down in Wales, computer studies I have done most work well, I
Blimey, everybody helped themselves to my toffee without asking
I did these questions and
mum.
Cocky little what's it
What?
you have to write down what you find difficult, I have found nothing very difficult Paul, now go and get the hoover
I can't.
I have not found anything
In modern languages, C D T I have found nothing very difficult.
put virtually all his down the very easy column.
Drama, I have found nothing very difficult, music, I have not found very difficult.
Best thing is.
Geography I have found nothing very difficult.
Anything he found difficult, maths.
Computer studies Paul
Mum can you stop shouting, it's on there.
You, you've been hacking at this one bit, it's gone too soft, look that's why, yes, gone too soft
From my point of view I have achieved quite a lot of those, I am very punctual and helpful.
, just remember when you turn up
If anyone has set me a test I have done very well especially in look, look at his, can't even sign his name
Reply, Arthur Badger.
I have
Badger.
Oh Heidi was
This is my summary.
Who's he kidnapped? oh, oh she wanted him.
No, he wants her head.
What, that bogie bloke?
Yeah, he's just putting on
What as a policeman, was he a policeman then?
No, he was a criminal
No, but what
He's just come out of prison
why did his, her husband
evidence
Ah, we're getting there now Ruth, right that's enough you lot, crikey, you
You've got tons there dad.
It's very fattening.
Yeah,.
You're not going to be nine stone eight
Nine stone
I've got to do me egg.
Oh.
I've got to do me egg, like.
Don't mess with me dad,, Ivor was so big headed, it was like a he kept going on and on, he kept going er, my geographical instinct, my maths instinct,
my science grade, ah.
It's quite likely to be quite bright though isn't he?
With geographical instinct
Well his father's a surgeon, I mean
I've finished reading it Paul
Haven't
What happens to it now?
She's reading, can I just finish reading it?
Supposed to do it every turn?
I 'm gon na stop it soon,
About time you did find something difficult really isn't it?
If I find the time I
Let me find you some
I will try to slant my handwriting to be more adult like, I will try to get many merit points, I will try to get at the top sets for every lesson you are in the top sets for every lesson do well in them, I want to carry on my good progress in the sports area, I do many sports now and I want to do more
This is new how, how is this
is this psychology?
been here
Oh cos you've just started it as well haven't you?
Did you all put this in
Mm.
Does he, do you consider a very successful way of getting inside to what children think?
They have the right I think
Only about ten per cent of children
What?
or maybe twenty per cent, ten per cent think they're better than the teacher thinks they are, ten per cent think that
Maybe they said
eighty per cent are just exactly what you always thought, it's a waste of time writing it
But I suppose you get insight er twenty per cent was she can't outrun him I think this bit she gets killed and she turns up in Little England, this come on.
Oh ha, ha she's to escape does he think she's tied up, does he?
I 'm going to the toy party
She's
for half an hour and then I 'm releasing Moira so she can go for half an hour, she's
Who's tying her up?
She's
started she's got to go through that gate
What gate?
She's too near the wall
Ooh lovely ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
Come on you silly cow, oh he's run right into her path
ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Oh there's a lovely soft patch that she can fall on, god.
Ha, she's had me panicking like mad oh planes going over
Yes, she
Does she wan na out, out
What?
Yes he's starring, yes he stars in Little England next year.
Little England isn't English, is it?
No, it's ex- in Maibai, you 'll watch it Ruth as well
No, because it's on the same time as Emmerdale.
You 'll drop Emmerdale.
No I won't, I like Emmerdale.
Oh.
Nice oh, er, oh no, Sarah's got a cool head she won't panic, aha, ha, ha please let me go
Oh no, they and he turns up in some hanging from a chain he's being cruel to her isn't he?
There are, she's dead she's buried this is quite good isn't it?
Do they do this purposely cos that man's just been sent to prison the same thing isn't it?
What?
John killed that bird when she said
Oh
she wants to be near and he said couldn't let her go
Paul, homework, now
I 'm going.
Oh yes she saw the blood starting to come out of her neck and he caught her
Sighed, tell you what Kevin you go and make a drink, I 'll empty the tumbledryer and put the washing away, number one
Yes.
Paul what have you got on?
I 'll call you a Pakistani, they wear three t-shirts, I said do you go to bed in them and then just leave them on the next morning put your school shirt on top?
Er?
Er, Vicky says you are awful going er, I said that's what they do, they grunt at me like an animal I grunt back at them.
She thinks you 're, you do that to me.
What, er
Er
er, so I do it now, I get in first, I said have you done your homework er, who's a er, animals grunt Your magic box Kevin? dearie
Sorry.
magic box watch my lips magic box.
I've got the power.
Oh number one please
He's got the power.
I wanted to see my shares
My shares are plummeting
What are they now? it's only paper money, what's it matter?
Some of these you can't do.
That's not number two.
Yeah.
Intelligent people are never bored Miss Hall's nineteen forty three.
What?
Intelligent people are never bored.
Miss Hall's nineteen forty three.
Is that when she said it?
I think so, looks like the first one
Everybody
accident at service cos he wants all year four holding
You just said that though.
lighted candles
What would you rather like to be doing?, would you, if you're bored here, what would you really liked to be?
Who said that?
A perpetual
Who said that?
Hassan, all our naughty boys are called Hassan, sorry, I 'll re-phrase that, all Hassan's in our school are naughty it's the equivalent of Jason the Pakistani equivalent of Jason
three and a half Kevin, that was one of the worst investments you have ever made.
What, you put
You put
on one.
Yes, but you've put twice as much money into it as your other investments.
it was greed, I couldn't help it
Didn't you?, sheer greed.
Gone down from ten pence to three and a half.
When they did that black
I mean that is embarrassing lost so much how much
What kind of things, I mean amongst people of your age, what are the kind of things that people might be involved?
Getting bored.
oh
Can I have a look at this please?
BAA
Dad what's the
gone down?.
Goodbye in it?, ever, ever ever, ever how do you say that goodbye in Italian?
Italian
Italian
No, affidavits, affidavits
Affidavits.
Yeah.
It's a sworn affidavits in legal thing.
Oh illegal.
Legal
I think it means like if you saw that boy do something, the police, you, you take out a sworn affidavit that you saw him do that and, I think it's a legal document, look it up, it's
You wake that mum up
a legal document
It's not
copy what?
Mum, what does affidavit mean?
The Lord twenty years old, first part of
B, E,
Oh what means?, argumentative like mummy.
How do you spell argumentative?
Argumentative argumentative
Countenance
It's your face isn't it mum?, countenance I won't countenance any
with countenance
Give up yeah?
What?
Condone
Condones.
Cordons
Cordons
it's like a party game isn't it?
cordons.
Tied up
Abutment
God knows.
That bit at the side, something abut something.
Siblings.
Siblings?
loud, noisy.
Just one I think
What
I don't recognise it is that ford, that's ford Ruth isn't it?, that's what it is, it's a back ford, Pearly Way, those factories I 'm sure.
What did you say about abutment mum?
Something next to something
What?
meeting or, that was the name of an arch
It's a building, it's a part of a building abutment
Not a word I would of thought it was worth finding out the meaning of.
Well who gave them to us?
this book called The Flight of Doves by Nina Gordon.
Oh that's the way I work.
That's photocopied isn't it?, are you studying that book?
No she wants.
If it's photocopied Paul, she didn't write it down for each one of you did she?
Paul are you studying that book in class?
Yes, we're reading it.
Give me a sentence with evolution in it, and tell me, telling me what it means evolution.
Darwin's theory on evolution does not mean for many Christians, no some Christians do not accept Darwin's theory of evolution.
There's a lovely in there, in there, in the er life line, Christian windows now double glazing group given terms of Christian windows.
Some Christians
do not accept Darwin's theory of evolution Darwin with a capital D and then apostrophe S theory
Someone's up to naughties.
Affidavit got a sentence with that?
What's it mean?
This is declaration.
Oh witness needs a sworn affidavit
A witness
witness
What?
in
What's got?
Oh
affidavit
Disaster would be
The crime was disastrously.
Yeah.
disaster.
Bugsy Malone admitted
Yeah, the guy who tied, who, who, who tied the women up on the railway lines, dastardly, wicked.
Which is that?
Well you know the film, you know the film
Dastardly,
, you can get a big bowl of Babycham now Ruth.
Can you?
Yeah, that's good marketing
How's committed spelt?
Ooh, it's a stinker.
How's it spelt?
Is it two m's, two t's? yes.
I got it right.
You never
I did
Dastardly committed
There's your here you've not drunk
How about criminal? how's criminal spelt?
That looks good Hot Shot.
Yeah.
How's criminal spelt?
Criminal?,
C R I M I N A L, criminal you like her don't you Paul?
Mm
Gone off her.
she was better ages ago
The man's countenance changed when he was convicted of a murder.
Yes Paul wonderful.
What do you normally, grades do you normally get for your English?
I think work must be too easy then.
Ooh, wan na see that, next Monday, Wall Street
What is this I 'm drinking, chocolate and almonds?
Yeah
I don't think it's chocolate coconut.
That's good, tha that's clever that, there's a
It's marvellous
that's marvel no, no it's not, it's slandering, no it's not it's liable, it's liable cos you in trouble.
, three cheers can I check it Paul?
No
Did you check my spellings.
Evolution.
E V O L U T I O N
Non,
N O N P L U double S E D
Impeccable.
I M P E double C A B L E
I thought abutment had two t's affidavit.
A double F I D A V I T
Dastardly
D A S T A R D L Y
D E L del, I G E R E
Countenance
C O U N T E N, start again C O U N T E N A N C E
Cordon
Don't know that
D O R D O
Abutment
A B U T M E N T
Erm, I've looked in there it is.
Abutting has two t's abutting.
S O B L I A N T how's it spelt?
S I B
sibilant.
This is a good talk about good jobs, that's Schofield g, landed himself a nice little series there.
What Jason Donovan?
, no not, yeah I mean he's done well, like that
Schofield's Europe
Schofield's Europe, that's his second tour, and he's been all round the blinking Europe
Yeah, he's brilliant ain't he?, goes anywhere he wants
Talk about, yeah all at BBC's expense
One black mark, wrong, red mark, no homework, I forget it
Oh no, has it, what, exclamation mark?
has it got no homework exclamation mark.
Just done a wrong one
No, if I go over there
Are those mine mum hasn't rung and said Adrian's got that job yet has he, she?
No news is good news.
Might be.
I just stop in your mother
Ah weekend.
that is pure as a mother.
That's old that
Is it?
Bought that about eighteen months old that picture.
No.
It is, you gave the coat away more than a year ago
Oh, it's my sibo
What pure sibo
That's pure unadulterated sibo that is
Look at those shoes dad, that's ages ago
What's that?
There well
what's that green track suit?
I think that 's, you're right
that's Robbie in the same class isn't it?,
Robbie there.
mummy, mummy reputed.
David.
You can't be right about everything
I don't know who is he?
David.
Robbie pre-crew cut, Robbie
David.
Looks like Robbie to me.
Robbie hasn't got dark hair.
I don't think it's Robbie
That's David, I know who's in his class.
That boy still in his class?
Yeah, that's him.
David still in his class?
I don't think, I know Robbie's gone, I 'm not sure about him
Well look at the sell buy date on the
Well all you've got to know that Robbie's gone
Look at the mark on the sell by date on the
Look at the sell by, very funny Ruth.
Well,
what are you talking
look at the sign of the packet, I think it's ninety one.
Can't be
Oh,
Yeah, who's Roy, oh the South African
he's Prime Minister.
It was eight four Ruth.
Oh I thought he was dead a long time ago.
Oh Ruth
Didn't know he was still alive,
he's made more money you can make more money
April ninety one.
Yeah
That means it's at least a year old
Mm
Who sent it?
At least a year ahead.
Who sent it?
Guy sent it, gee look that's half a million quid.
Who died?
Britain's smallest house is for sale at one and a half thousand pounds I 'll buy it
How big is it, nine foot?
Don't make sense really.
Nine foot tall, that's not so bad if you
No
stand in that might just be one room
Might just be one room wonder if I got my on my er B T shares? foods cold by the time you get
they're more entertaining than the programme some of these adverts, more coffee Jason even Mrs cries
What about?
Did she left?
She left What time was the party from then?
Half past eight doesn't start till half past nine, blast I think I 'll watch the telly at Moira 's.
, I didn't know you was doing a fashion parade, I thought you was going to get some toys.
.
